Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with very short review!

First of all with the title. The title seems to be quite appropriate for the piece. It shows that few people can make a whole world of their own, no matter how small that is. I don't know maybe therr were some ither thoughts about the title.

Now with the story. First of all I liked the time gap which you gave in the middle of the story. It somehow shows how people changes if they want to and some don't change because they don't want to. Like in thid story, no one changed in a great manner, at least no one took an 180° turn from their basic character which they initially had.

It describes the life of parents and all in the way. I like how it shows that there are both good and bad things in the course of existence. Also it shows that no person in the world is flawless. With Kelvin and Sara you also showed that experiences matter, all are not equal, the firsts in life... You showed a lot if things through all your characters. And yes, ageing and how people mature. The death of Max was a portrayal of that.

Overall, quite a good one. I will review another story of yours very soon.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was simply a really simple and really wholesome little story to read here. The idea behind it appears to be super simple and it conveys in an awesome manner.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She remembered when she held them for the first time, both of them.

She remembered their shape, the color of their hair, the sound of their cry, and the feeling of their tiny body fitting right in the crook of her arms, as if that space was made for them and only them. She remembered going home with her baby son, he cried all the way home and probably gave their driver a migraine. She was freaking out of course, she knew how to be the mother still awaiting the arrival of her baby, always complaining and grumbling, lashing out on people and having secret conversations with her baby at nights. She knew how to do all of that, she had been doing it for 9 months.

But now he was there, her little Kevin, in her arms and she had no idea how to be a mother to him, a mother that he deserved. Because her baby deserved the world, and what if she couldn't give it to him? All of a sudden she was in charge of this entire new human being, this entire new universe of hopes and dreams and maybe she wasn't ready for it. Max, her husband had been a saint through it all. He had found her, and he had taken her into his arms, comforted her and told her that they were going to be the best parents in the entire freaking world. And in that moment, with their son in her lap and his arm around her, she had believed him. They were going to be the best. How could they not?

The next time with Sara, it was easier. She knew the pain, the nerves, the mood swings and the overwhelming desire to see her little one, to introduce her to the world and watch her see it for the first time. She was anxious, of course. Kevin was only 4 years old at the time and he was not an easy kid to handle. He was always running around the house, bumping into furniture, crying his eyes out and repeating words from the tv to their neighbors. He was always excited, always smiling or crying - everything was always at extremes with him.

The only time he had been quiet was when he saw his little sister for the first time. He looked at her, as if she was this new expensive toy he had no idea how to play with, and he just kept on looking. She had caught him looking at her several times while she had been sleeping in her crib, examining her and touching her gingerly like she was some foreign specimen and would explode at the slightest disturbance.

Of course, the dynamics changed somewhat as Sara learned to walk and talk. By then, Kevin had already recruited her to his own personal army and together the brother and sister wreaked havoc in the house. There was never any silence, never any peace or rest. Furniture were always breaking, walls were always being redecorated and they had tucked away all their expensive china in fear of losing another important heirloom to their daily target practicing games around the house. It took a lot of patience to deal with them and not snap as she regularly wanted to. But then one of them would do something extremely cute, and just like that, her anger would melt and it would all start to make sense again.

It was fun, those early years when everything was simple. Childhood - she got to experience it all over again, albeit with slightly different lenses, but it was fun nevertheless. Their first snowfall, first fight, first day in school, first ride on a bicycle and first swim in the pool, all those firsts became hers too and she cherished those days and those memories. She watched them. She watched them play, watched them fight, watched them study and she watched them grow. It used to be their favorite thing to do, hers and Max's - watching their children.

It was not always easy. They had their bad moments as parents, they made wrong decisions and were too hard on them sometimes. And it didn't help that along with being the most difficult child in the universe, Kevin also grew up to be the most difficult teenager in the universe. It was hard, keeping up with all his moods and still be patient. It was always easier with Sara. She had this calmness about her, this inner understanding within her about the world, and they honestly wondered sometimes how one child could be so different from the other.

But as they watched them interact, watched them fight with each other and for each other through life, they understood. Kevin and Sara - they had their own two-man army. They balanced each other, and no matter how much they fought or cursed each other, one was always there for the other. It was amazing to watch, really.

Kevin finished college and joined a band. He sang really well and they always knew that the 'desk life' would not hold him for long. He plays in clubs now, goes on tours and actually makes a lot of money. Sara on the other hand, had always been so in love with her books that it was impossible to separate her even after completing her studies. She is a teacher now, she teaches English. They never wondered about her or him. In their own universe, it made perfect sense - where they were and where they had ended up in life.

They used to be so proud whenever they came to visit. They would sit around the table and Kevin with all his excitement, would narrate stories about the band, Sara would say something funny about her students and they would sit talking and laughing till late into the night. And the two of them would watch them, as they had always loved to do. Max would look at her across the table and give her this look that said, 'See? And you were worried about being a mother!'

Today they are sitting around the table again. Max is no longer with them, his seat now left empty. But as she looked around her and watched Sara feed her daughter and Kevin narrate some incredibly funny story to the group, she smiled. Yes, Max was no longer with them. He didn't get to watch Kevin get married or Sara deliver their first grandchild, but he was with them right now, sitting at this very table, holding her hand and giving her that same look.

She didn't need to worry. They might not have been the perfect parents, but they had been the parents to the most beautiful children in the universe. How could their little family not be the best in the whole wide world?

Hi RandomTalks,

Mailice here again with another short review!

I think this was a frighteningly realistic story. I was really hoping there wouldn't be a twist here, and was very relieved that there wasn't one. I thought you described with a lot of feeling here the doubts of an impending mother and how she should come across as a parent. I thought it was a great perspective you created; don't many children see the worries parents have and that it's normal for mistakes to happen sometimes in parenting.

I really enjoyed how the ending grew into a beautiful flower, that despite all the storms you could still see the sun. You've written a beautiful narrative and it's hard to find anything here that stood out in any way. I think you have a very good hand when it comes to putting feelings and emotions into words. You have a way of creating something really great with this writing style. It's easy to overlook the few little mistakes they sometimes sneak in.

I think what I really liked here in the story was how your construction led to a nice result at the end. Even without dialogue you managed to create something elegant. Here, too, you have shown something that also occurs in the other stories; you describe a family. This motif is even stronger here, in my opinion, because it works for a wider audience than just looking specifically at one family. You don't learn much about the household, just the characters, which makes you feel like the family could be anywhere.

I think I'm more or less through with all your stories now too. This one turned out a bit shorter because it's hard to find anything to improve on, and I don't always want to repeat myself that everything is good.

Some points that caught my eye:

He had found her, and he had taken her into his arms, comforted her and told her that they were going to be the best parents in the entire freaking world

repeating words from the tv to

She is a teacher now, she teaches English.

I had absolutely no idea where this story was going from the beginning, but I loved it through and through! It really captured the emotions of a new mother, the fear and worry about bringing new life into the world, but also the peace in knowing that everything always works out in the end so long as we try our best.

Some grammatical suggestions: "She remembered their shapes," "the sound of their cries," "The feeling of their tiny bodies". It would be plural because you are talking about both children!

Something a little awkward in wording as well. You start off talking about both children, but go into "...but now he was here". Reading the whole story, I understand what you were trying to communicate, but at the beginning, it wasn't so clear! Maybe specify it somehow? Something like, "But now the first of the two was here, her little Kevin." Or something along those lines? A super easy fix to make it translate a little easier!

The paragraph about their dynamics was great, the only thing I would suggest is to delve a little deeper with details. Like the line, "...one of them would do something cute...". Maybe instead of writing this line, you can describe a cute moment, or a few cute moments, that will show the audience what and how it would melt the anger away? It would help the reader connect more!

One last thing, I think maybe it would benefit the reader to hear more about Max! It feels like he is sort of just thrown in, so the mother will have a husband. He is not spoken of much, nor are his feelings about their children translated so much, but yet his death is made a big deal because you detail that he never saw Kevin get married, or Sara's children get delivered. I think if you wrote a little more about his feelings, his worries, or maybe even a small conversation between him and his wife, or him and the children, it would benefit the story and make his death that much more heartbreaking!

Overall, very heartwarming story! Good work!

The opening sentence was enough to keep me reading the entire story without stopping. You did a superb job of showing the mother’s emotions throughout and even though you didn’t go in-depth to Max’s character that much I still felt the bitter-sweetness of the ending.



I love specificity, so slow-running stories are my cup of tea. I think you could’ve gone into more detail with some parts.

“together the brother and sister wreaked havoc in the house.”

Hey RandomTalks!

So I really loved the premise of this story--it started as a tale of a mother's insecurity and then evolved into the story of a family. I do like that throughout the mother's thoughts are weaved into the story, and I could follow what she was feeling about any current situation.

A few other thoughts however--while this is a lovely tale, the paragraphs are somewhat big and clunky, making it hard to read. I would change them every now and then and vary them--variations are interesting! If your paragraphs are all big, a reader's eyes tend to gloss over.

This also applies to sentences (as you may know), and while I did think you had some decent variation in your sentences, I thought some of them could be a bit punchier. Again, variations are interesting!

I also wanted to say that while your tale felt like it was always moving, sometimes it's good to have a pause and just take in all the details of a scene, describe what is exactly happening (down to the scratching and biting between siblings etc.) It helps build more attachment to the characters involved. I know this is a cliche, but showing more instead of telling can help you slow down a bit more and take in your story.

Also, pertaining to that--I do wish this was longer! You have a good idea here, so if you make this longer or even multiple parts (while slowing down) you'd be on a roll! I would love to see you re-do this as a longer piece. You have so much potential here!

Again, still a good piece. Keep working at it!