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Young Writers Society


18+ Violence Mature Content

Vampire

by aooborromeo


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.

A vampire feasts on blood.
When I was born,
Father told me stories about vampires.
Creatures with fangs,
that gorge on blood.

A vampire takes prey
Father always said,
our blood binds us.
Mother did not share our blood.
Father took her as his prey.

A vampire sleeps alone
The first time I encountered blood,
I was a wisp of a girl.
My sweaty bed sheets once virginal white,
crimson and cold.

A vampire is unwanted
Children are cruel.
They bathe in holy water,
to push me away.
Their garlic words stench up my life.

A vampire is hypnotic 
“You are a part of me,
I am a part of you.
Our blood is same,
for I created you.”

A vampire despises light
I lived in the light once.
So father’s essence boiled hot like magma.
I was taken from the schoolyard,
so the darkness can keep me safe.

A vampire takes what he wants
I vaguely recall father’s pale palm,
gracefully lifting my nightgown.
His bare skin blanketed my own.
A spill of scarlet on my thighs.

A vampire devours selfishly
Father’s fang was large,
and it lived beneath the silk at his waist.
An orchestra of his masculine groans, 
performed with my pained soprano silence.

A vampire takes a bride
“Love is connection,
and everyone needs connection.”
We lived in our dark isolation together.
For we were made for each other. 

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103 Reviews

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Mon May 24, 2021 5:41 pm
waywardxwanderer wrote a review...



Holy,,, wow. This poem is genuinely so beautifully written. It's not a topic I have experience with, nor one I'm very comfortable even thinking about, but this poem really brings into light the thought process and the ways of thinking of a victim.

Though it's such a dark topic, the feel of your poem is haunting and perfectly encapsulates the scene. The way you use words, as always, is chillingly beautiful. The extended metaphor of a sexual assaulter to a vampire is potent and carries a lot of meaning in itself, and the way you've expanded and fleshed out this idea is very eye-opening.

In more of a cold, literature-reviewer sense, your writing style and figurative language are lovely, and the way you've created the narrative and walked the reader through the thoughts of the victim is incredible. Each and every word adds to the horrifying mood and the innocence of the narrator in comparison to the debauchery of the situation is very well illustrated.

Overall, this is beautifully written, and you've perfectly conveyed a very real issue through the eyes of the victim. Also, I'm really sorry if anything like this has ever happened to you. I'm not sure if this is drawn from personal experience, but if it is, I'm so sorry, and I'm glad you can bring yourself to at least spread awareness of the situation and create beautiful art from it.

Great poem!!




aooborromeo says...


Thank you for the review. To answer your question, no I have never experienced anything like this. I have been blessed with a wonderful father. I have been in therapy though with a girl who has dealt with something like this. I honestly had no idea what I was writing since it was three in the morning. I didn't realize until after that I wasn't really writing about a vampire...





oh wow. i%u2019m really glad you%u2019re not in this situation though, but ..



aooborromeo says...


But what?





It's just a whole situation jhgjdfs, you know?? It sucks that anyone has to go through that



aooborromeo says...


Yeah... it's horrible. I like to think there's a special place in hell for rapists.





preach



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Wed May 19, 2021 4:10 am
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SoullessGinger wrote a review...



Hello! SoullessGinger here with a review!

Can I just say, wow. This is a horribly beautiful poem. (I hope you know that's a good thing). It's vampiric in its tone and quality (lol). But genuinely, the way you wrote it paints a picture in my head with addictive and soothing blacks, stark and brilliant whites, and terribly deep, sensual reds.

This poem is so thought-provoking, and what really got me thinking was this section:

A vampire devours selfishly
Father’s fang was large,
and it lived beneath his silk confines.
As he took his meals,
a wave of my pain mixed with his pleasure.


This and the first stanza makes me think that the narrator may have taken the stories her father told her about vampires as a child and attributed/interpreted his cruelty and abuse as inevitable parts of his 'vampire' nature, when in fact, he is simply a horrible and twisted human (or I suppose, a monster hiding in a human's body). I'm not sure what you intended but I think it could be a really interesting interpretation of your work!

I think what's so captivating about this poem is the story in it and the horror that each new stanza unveils combined with this child's crystal clear perspective. Frankly, I appreciated the detachment from emotion it demonstrates, as if the writer needs to distance themselves from such traumatic experiences. I am hopeful for the narrator's future though because this poem is in past-tense. I'm almost hoping that the narrator escaped her father and is healing elsewhere, reflecting on the past through poetry. There's lots of potential for a poem series, but either way, it's a beautiful stand-alone piece.

Overall, I absolutely loved this poem and how well you can paint a scene with your writing. I'm not really sure what I would add, but a small insight into the child's own opinion of their situation could add another layer to this.

-Loved it so much, and remember, take what you think was helpful and leave the rest! :)




aooborromeo says...


Thank you for your review!

The emotional detachment was intentional on my part for two reasons. So the narrator is a girl who's father was doing one of the most evil deeds to her. And the vampire thing I decided to bring about was like you said, the child attributing his behavior to vampires. The detachment was also to protect myself, since I was writing this at three in the morning, and while I do write such dark things, for my mental health, I have to emotionally distance myself from these characters. Especially for a topic so heavy.

Sequel wise, I have no idea. I kind of want to keep this one aside since it was so difficult for me to write it due to the theme and the way I wanted to portray it with the vampire metaphor.

Thank you for review! I'm glad you liked the poem, not the father though. The father is pure evil



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Wed May 19, 2021 1:12 am
Riverlight wrote a review...



Hey there, aooborromeo! My names's Vilnius, and I'll be reviewing your lovely poem today! c:

I like the italicized story that you're telling alongside the main poem. I feel like it adds a lot of character and personality to your writing and enables your readers to better connect with the world you've built in writing.

I find this case of "love" to be interesting, and I think that the angle you've taken on this is very unique. I think a few points could be expanded upon-- maybe how the narrator feels about what is happening to them and what they think should be done, for example.

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!




aooborromeo says...


Thank you for the review :)




Nouns can verb very well actually, they verb better than some verbs do.
— winterwolf0100