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Longing of a Maiden Rose: Ch. V: Path of a Country 2

by MailicedeNamedy

While the sky above Benedikt merged with the clouds, two women took a walk in a nearby district, free from the smell of the workers. For them it was a day off, which they wanted to use together.

Those who shopped here belonged to the upper class of the Greater Berlyner population. From expensive boutiques to exquisite department stores, Angelboulevard in Apex fulfilled all the wishes of the high earners. You looked in vain for the Kerner chain, Krinksdorf was on the posters of the underground railways advertising new hats or toothpaste, the large cinema sparkled at visitors with the latest silent films and daily news.

Once a truncated causeway to the north to reach the formerly independent municipality of Vena - Cava, Angelboulevard quickly developed into a prestigious residential area. Until the beginning of the Great War, construction was going on at a rapid pace. Villas and flats of the rich and intellectuals, theatres and, of course, department stores sprang up on all sides and corners. Cafés, bars, and cabarets transformed the former moorland into a cultural centre that was alive by day and by night. Not far away there was a zoological garden, and further north at the end of the boulevard was the duke's hunting lodge, forming the end of the more than two-mile-long Chaussee.

In one of the sandstone palaces, the two interested women examined the windows of a bookshop. The choice of topics was limited to natural sciences and politics.

The taller of the two was dipped in golden blonde, shaggy hair. It hid her spectacle frames and red earrings. The dark blue, huge eyes overshadowed the pointed nose with a birthmark.

Her clothes consisted of a black waistcoat, a white blouse, a dark skirt, and tights of the same colour. She was wearing the pumps for the first time. She was Miss Dr Elvira Kaufmann, the only female student at her university, which made her grow into a unique character. Her lecturers were overly impressed because of her daring theories and mathematical knowledge.

But she wasn´t noticed by passers-by.

The passers-by wandered past her companion. Her almond-brown, almost red pinkish hair which she had dyed, was not enough; her light green eyes faded to a yolk-yellow, her contact lenses made her look like a hawk. They were filthy dull and hard to beat for perkiness. The bow-legged woman was stooped, making her look older. She rarely wore her unadorned lilac dress out of the house, but her violet cloche hat was ancient. She was just pulling it down over her hair, which was braided into a ponytail when she heard someone murmuring about her. She had a small handbag with her where she kept her lipstick and otherwise seemed empty. The ankle boots she wore were too big for her, she slipped in them when she walked faster.

Valerie Berg was in her early thirties, which few people knew. Because of her pathological way of exposing everything and everyone, she was not allowed to study. This by no means lowered her narcissism. Her exaggeration and the urge to show herself to the world made her a rather unpleasant contemporary.

"Did you find anything?" asked Kaufmann.

"Nothing like that," her friend returned, glaring at a man with a walking stick, a folding cylinder, and sideburns.

Kaufmann strolled gleefully into the shop.

"I do."

Instantly the salesman rose, brimming with joy. He immediately stepped up to the blonde.

"Can I be of any assistance to you, my lady?"

The salesman looked irritated at Valerie after she had followed her friend.

"We're just looking," Elvira spoke and walked past him.

"May I recommend the book The Human Politician toyou. It is a daring critique of our current situation," the salesman explained to Valerie.

"Are you unhappy with the current situation?" Valerie spoke aloud, "Unhappy with the HePo, the government and the Imperial Territory Leader?"

"No, not at all -"

"Then stop talking bad about something that isn´t bad. Besides, I didn't want to know anything. I'm just looking!"

The X-legged woman bumped into a table while looking for Kaufmann. The bespectacled salesman disappeared behind the cash register and became a dwarf. Between other customers who moved on in an educated manner, Valerie had to show that she existed. She howled loudly at the titles of the books and announced that she had read them all and none came close to what she loved so much.

"Do you have to be so disruptive all the time?" Kaufmann frowned at her behaviour. Her annoyance was immediately forgotten as she browsed through a tome about animals on other continents. "Unbelievable, such a giraffe."

"I show people that they don't have to be blasé," she said, justifying her actions.

Glancing into the book, she marvelled at the long neck. Fascinated by the hand-painted pictures, she looked for a volume and fell in love with its meticulous and detailed drawings. Both women carried the soft spot for animals. It was reinforced by their previous visit to the zoo.

While Valerie continued to admire the beasts from a world far away from her, the blonde listened to the salesman. He was talking very suspiciously to more customers, desperate to know their origins.

"What's the deal with this book?" she said calmly.

"It's right there in front. I bumped the table."

Kaufmann grinned.

"The wood also needs to be trimmed."

She wanted to go to the shop window alone, her friend soon overtook her and grabbed the book. Heaps of dull blue publications piled up on top of each other.

The Human politician

by J. Septfontaines

14,60 Kr.

Kaufmann read the back text. At several points she paused and pondered. Only moments later did she put it back, somewhat confused, when Valerie finished reading.

"Elvira, have you read it?"

"Just now."

"You recognise it too, don't you? This book is from him!"

"It's quite possible. I mean the name seems like a bad chosen pseudonym for Siebenfeder."

"We have to report that! That's impossible!" Valerie sounded the alarm, "The last one is not yet half a year old!"

"Aidos will take care of it," Elvira murmured, relaxed.

"Then she knows something about it! You can't do it like that! Why didn't they do it when they could? This is the third one! Wasn´t the death of his sister enough?"

"I guess he has nothing left to lose. Give me the book, I'll pay."

"No! I'll do it!" Valerie defended herself and took the new publication out of Elvira's hand.


After the short detour, they felt the warmth of the afternoon on their faces. Almost blinded by the sun, they had left the building and were standing at the edge of the arcade.

Fun music got the children dancing and hopping around. The organ-grinder continued to turn the hurdy-gurdy. His old military uniform and moustache gave him a drab appearance. The big smile delighted the listeners. A stuffed animal hung down the front and charmed those present.

Angelboulevard was crowded with chic ladies, their expensive dresses, and noble gentlemen. A few automobiles crossed the street. Singing and clapping children saddened Valerie as she and Elvira stood on the pavement.

"I don't like this weather," she grumbled, "It's too warm."

"Every year summer comes. An eternal cycle."

Valerie said nothing.

Her friend sometimes spoke in quotations. Her knowledge of the world annoyed her. Next to her, she felt like a tiny, dirty spider. But she didn't need to know. She was good enough, she told herself.

They wanted to go home.

The large, cross-shaped hall building made of shell limestone dominated the square.

Through the three large gates, they took four steps down and found themselves on the mezzanine level with many stalls. It was reminiscent of a fairground. Billboards and posters hung on the sunflower-yellow walls. A cool breeze mixed with the smell of metal blew towards them. A train was just coming in.

"Quick, the train's here!" the X-legged woman shouted and pulled her friend down the stairs onto one of the three platforms. She almost stumbled out of her boots.

Elvira shook her head.

"We're on the wrong train."


"We're on line IV right now, we have to go to II!"

Her ability to deal with numbers and letters had carried over from her profession into everyday life. She had no problems with these elements. Mishaps meant serious, even fatal losses for her.

Only in the right line did they rest. The tunnel was finished. The train travelled leisurely through the suburbs of the city. The sun pressed its heat into the carriages. Valerie cursed it.

Breaking, it came to a halt. People got off; seats became free. A conductor whistled. The train moved on.


Past the namesake fountain for the station, the washing fountain square in Vena - Cava had been a meeting place for numerous, picturesque street cafés. In the distance, one could make out the city centre.

A side street was entered. It became more lifeless. Crowds showed themselves less frequently. The smell of a cooling cake standing by the window rose to their noses.

Valerie unlocked the front door and the frail landlady rushed at her, taking the woman by surprise.

"Excuse me," the old lady croaked, "A man was here this morning to speak with you. I told him to come back later. He will call you tomorrow at 5 p.m."

"Thank you very much," Elvira smiled.

"Who could it have been?"

"I don't know."

The flat was sealed off from the outside world. Wind brought a new beginning. It poured into the dreary rooms as soon as Valerie opened the windows. The high ceilings were perfect for hanging some pictures. They remained bare except for a painting by Gustav Baumgarten. The tattered curtain was to be replaced. For weeks, the landlady had promised it. Valerie dropped onto the leather sofa and took off her shoes.

"It will have been Aidos."

Elvira did not speak until she had made sure that no one was standing outside the door listening. The landlady had got the bad habit from her late husband.

"What does he want from us?" fretted Valerie. "He has nothing to do with us at all!"

The doctor lit a cigarette with difficulty. She smoked at the window overlooking the city centre. Sky and earth were separated by an uneven, wooded horizon. A mixture of grey and brown was blown into the sky to the south. The chimneys of Ventriculare rose like single, gigantic fingers. From here, Vena - Cava, the millionaires look down to Ventriculare when they want to see their factories, a philosopher once criticised in his work. Lots of output means lots of profits. That, meanwhile, was one of Berlyne's many quotations.

"We'll find out tomorrow," she spoke reluctantly, "He may want to announce himself."

"Medea probably has something to do with it again, otherwise he wouldn't be living with her! Do you know what kind of flat they have?" the little woman got upset, "Something like that must be ours! Not such a dilapidated place!"

"If you took better care of your property and got us better furniture, it might be more liveable here. After all, it's been almost three years since we´re stationed here.... “

Valerie stood next to her. The red eyes sparkled at the smoker. They were the side effects of the yellow contact lenses when worn too long. She took it as a necessary evil. She liked the yellow colour too much not to wear them.

"You shouldn't wear them so long and often," Elvira said calmly.

"They live on the same line! Go to them and complain!" returned Valerie angrily.

She stomped into the bedroom.

"What for? I'm happy with this," she laughed and lit the second cigarette, "Do it yourself."

"No! That woman is damned!" she shouted back from behind the wardrobe.

Valerie came back in her purple chemise dress and was about to enter the bathroom when she heard her partner close the door behind her. With a brief grumble, Elvira lit a new cigarette and blew the smoke into the world as she ran a bath, ignoring her friend outside. The last thing she caught of her was her cursing as she tripped over her own ankle boots.

To the next part:Chapter V.3.

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417 Reviews

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Sun Sep 12, 2021 12:54 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This was an interesting part and the pace of your story seems to have been slowed down. I liked it. It's always fun when you have alternative fast and slow pace. The former chapters had a fast pace and this one has a slow one.

The choice of topics was limited to natural sciences and politics.

This is an interesting line. I wonder why a book shop only sells these books and not other ones.

In the first half, this Valerie Berg appears to be a bit crazy... In the second half, the craziness went downhill. But still the yellow contact lenses was fun. It adds to the craziness of Valerie. Her appearance too is a bit away from the usual. I like her character. Talking about Elvira, she appears to be quite logical and talented. She tried to reason out the thing and also was careful of not being overheard. The land lady was a humorous character but well, these type of characters can actually be of trouble in the way of the main characters.

Now this author of Human Politician, that is, J. Septfontaines aka Siebenfeder. Josef or Joseph(I have managed to forget the name) who was the friend of Leonard can be this man. He was an author after all. Seems quite interesting. Then this Aidos. We don't know about Aidos. Let's see when we can find it. Also the death of his sister. I wonder who this he is. Leonard? I don't know he had/has a sister.

Overall, a lot of new characters are introduced here. It can actually result in forgetting the characters but I hope that will not happen. I wonder who is gonna come, maybe Aidos.

Keep Writing!!


Thank you for your review! :D I really enjoy reading your interpretations! :D

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Tue Sep 07, 2021 1:03 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...

Hey Mailice!

RandomTalks here with a review!

I was a little confused by your decision to start the chapter with Bendict, because after that first mention of him in the very first line, he seems to be absent throughout the rest of the chapter. But then again, because you out it there, it may have a significance that becomes important in the story later.

So we meet two new characters in this story. I am a little curios about these side introductions. There are some in every chapter of yours, and it makes me feel like they have some role in the story that is going to much important later - I only hope I remember who is who at the time. Elvira and Valerie are the first two mature women, aside from Claire that we come across in this story. I really liked how you gave them both different personalities and managed to make them a little similar and yet widely different from one another. Elvia seems to be a calm, collected and serious woman who has a well developed knowledge about the world. One instantly takes her to the liking, unfortunately I cannot say the same for her friend. She is a deeply irritated person and it is really hard to like her. Despite her age, she is petty and incredibly rude. I feel like this is how you wanted to portray her character. However, her first instinct is to push her nose in the air and prove to the world how much bigger she is than the rest of them. This really interests me and I wonder if she was always this way because insecurities like these often rise from somewhere. She is a little difficult and Elvira seems to be aware of this. Still they seem to be good companions and friends, and I am a little curios about that.

Now, the book seems to have a big role in this chapter and so does it's writer. I have a feeling it is Julius because he is the only writer that has been mentioned in the story and he seemed to have an important presence even then. Also, it is J. something... so it might be. That makes me wonder who these women are and what is actually going on. Maybe Benedict will also come into play somehow because the chapter started with him. I am not very sure.

Some tiny nitpicks:

In one of the sandstone palaces, the two interested women examined the windows of a bookshop.

I think this sentence will be better framed as "In one of the sandstone palaces, the two women examined the windows of a bookshop with interest."

Kaufmann read the back text.

Elvira shook her head.

I also noticed how you switch through Elvira's last and first names throughout the chapter. Since these are new characters and we are not yet familiar with them , I would suggest you to stick with one. Otherwise, it feels like a different person came into the scene and we have to go back to make sure we are right.

That is all!

See you in the next chapter!

Thank you for your review! :D

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Fri Aug 20, 2021 3:55 pm
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Plume wrote a review...

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

Gosh, it's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry for not being the most consistent reviewer! And this piece certainly deserves a review, since it's been in the green room for far too long. Anyways. On to the review!

I enjoyed this chapter! I finally got around to reading the ones that came before it, and it was completely worth it! Your story has certainly shaped up, and I love the developments in Léonard's story. This one, though deviant from the original tale and what I'm used to, was very interesting, and I'm very curious to see what bigger role it will play in the overarching story.

One thing I really enjoyed about this chapter was the way you characterized Elvira and Valerie. Elvira seems very studious and serious, whereas Valerie... well, she's very exuberant and perhaps a little bit crazy. I was especially enamored with the bookshop scene, especially considering the air of mystery around it. I'm beginning to wonder if these are two of the nameless people Léonard is associated with? They speak of a Siebenfeder who wrote a book and also Aidos... I'm unsure of whether these are the same person and it's just the first and last name, or if they're two different people. I'm inclined to think they might be two different people. If I remember correctly, the Julius in a previous chapter was mentioned to be a writer, and the first initial of the author of the book is J.... I could be completely wrong, but the mystery you're crafting is so engaging that I can't help but speculate!! Nice work!


She was Miss Dr Elvira Kaufmann, the only female student at her university,

I'm not sure the "Miss" is necessary, since "Dr." is already a title and honorific. I feel like it almost diminishes her accomplishments, in a way, you know? The "Miss" calls attention to the fact that she's a woman, and it makes it sound like she's lesser than just a normal, male doctor. That being said, I can tell that I'm really gonna love her character. The way you described her makes her sound super cool.

"May I recommend the book The Human Politician toyou. It is a daring critique of our current situation," the salesman explained to Valerie.

Tiny thing here: I just noticed you forgot to put a space between "to" and "you."

"Medea probably has something to do with it again, otherwise he wouldn't be living with her! Do you know what kind of flat they have?" the little woman got upset, "Something like that must be ours! Not such a dilapidated place!"

Since "the little woman got upset" isn't a dialogue tag, there should be periods around it rather than commas.

Overall: nice job!! I always love reading your writing, and I'm really excited to continue on to the next part! Until next time!!

Hi Plume! Thanks first of all for your review! Don't worry, the chapters won't run away. :D

I'm glad you classified Valerie as a little crazy. She definitely has some traits that aren't quite normal. :D

To the author himself; that may well be that J. Septfontaines and Julius Siebenfeder are the same person. :D Who knows...


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Tue Jul 27, 2021 10:49 pm
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CaptainJack wrote a review...

Hey there Mailicede. I noticed that a lot of your chapters are still in the green room, and I certainly know that feeling, so I thought I would come back to trying to review your story. I’m not sure what has happened in between the beginning of this chapter and when I last read any of this tale, so bear with me as I’m making my way through this.

While I originally had mixed thoughts about the thoroughness of your detail, I’ve found myself warming to its integration in this chapter part. The lengthy amount of detail seems to play a good balance to a dialogue and plot line that only push me into confusion. It is, for me as a reader, my first introduction to the complexities of these specific characters, while you’re also beginning to weave the web of the political climate. I know that in our private conversations you had told me of some of the circumstances taking place in the inspired country, but I can now see those further hints at unrest and perhaps a new outlet for the brewing war.

The difference between Elvira and Valeria is interesting as well, even if I do find myself tripping over the similarity of their names. I’m taking some measures with assuming that they are together in some domestic sense, though i don’t know how you’ve written the acceptance of different dynamics into your historical piece. The little detail about the contact lenses seems like the perfect tidbit to make readers wonder about the doctor’s companion, and their unique interactions certainly leave me wanting to wear more.

I’ll be back soon for another review of another chapter.
- Armand

Thank you for your review! :D

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