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E - Everyone

The Last Confession: Chapter One (Extract)

by sunlightwarriorxo


Harvey

Public Humiliation.

Tick.

Depression.

Tick

Anxiety.

Tick

Demotivation.

Tick, Tick, Tick.

I didn’t want to leave my bedroom.

I didn’t want to socialise.

I didn’t want to work.

I didn’t want to do anything.

Other than sleep.

But let’s forget about that for a moment, eh? How are you doing? Good? Well I’m glad you are. Firstly I apologise for this, the rant, mental breakdown or whatever you want to call it, that you’re about to hear, but taking the current circumstances into consideration, I feel as though it’s necessary. Wait, why am I apologising? I mean, we’re friends right? You’ve known me for almost a year now, surely listening to me for a little while longer, won’t hurt you right? No? Well, if you said no then I thank you. I thank you for being a decent friend to me (despite not knowing each other face to face, I feel an awful lot of gratitude for you being here and choosing to persevere with our story) because it means a lot.

More than you’ll ever know.

Now, introductions are done, let’s move onto the rant. Honestly, in all my thirty six (almost thirty seven years) I have never felt so betrayed, humiliated, depressed, angry, upset and numb. To think that I ever loved that woman, that at one point I looked at her and thought, “I love you, I want you to have my child” - which is the only good thing that she’s ever done for me to be honest with apologies to any feminist who might be out there. How stupid was I? Falling for that scandalous, vindictive, deceitful cow, bloody hell. Do you think she deserved me? No? I agree, she never deserved me. To be honest, she might as well just have been with Jason in the first place - the ginger git. They would’ve been a better suit to each other, the rich ginge and the high-flying academic.

Don’t you agree?

I mean every time I look at Missy or hear her voice, she’s sounding and looking more and more like Diana by the day, which is expected seeing as she’s her mother, but at the same time, given the speed at which her true colours have come out these past few weeks, I wish I could just eradicate Diana’s blood from her all together (which I know isn’t possible) but you see where I’m coming from, don’t you? Where the worries are.

Especially given the fact she has a mother like Diana.

Anyway, moving on to today:

“Harvee, are ya awake?” Liam asked, knocking on the door, thinking that I was gonna let him in.

“Just go away Liam,” I requested, laying down in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling emotionally numb. “I just want to be left alone.”“I know mate, but honestlee dis ya being in ya bedroom 24/7 its be getting a bit hard to watch to be honest with ya,” He said, sounding extremely concerned. “We all understand dat these past couple days have been difficult ‘specially given da fact that Diana revealed that you be Harry’s biological father but wever ya like it or not we gotta keep movin’ forward. For Missy and for the band also-”“Yeah, well, maybe, me and Missy are fine as we are,” I said, feeling depressed. “Maybe we just need some time to ourselves, you know, get over this our own way, rather than being bothered every five fucking minutes!”I’d never snapped at Liam like this before.

“Mate, please-”“If you and the band don’t leave within the next hour, then I swear I’ll fucking escort you out myself,” I said, unplugging my phone from my beside charger. “And lock the door.”“I’m getting Kian,” He answered calmly, ignoring my emotional outburst as if it never happened. “Maybe he might be able to talk a bit more sense into ya.”Or maybe he would just make me feel twice as depressed.

As I waited for Kian to come and “try to get through to me”, I fell into the trap of temptation and started to scroll through my social media feeds, wanting to know what people had been saying about me. Was any of it good? About 45% were defending me - criticising Diana for being a selfish parent and thinking about herself rather than taking Missy’s needs into consideration, and the 55%. Well. There was trolling, disheartening photo and video edits, comments, statements and polls all “holding me to account” for being a deceitful, manipulative and sly father, who Missy doesn’t deserve - apparently living with Niall and Tanisha will be better for her.

Which maybe it could - if my name was Diana Gallagher.


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Thu Jun 24, 2021 3:06 am
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chikara wrote a review...



Greetings sunlightwarriorxo! This has been in the Green Room for a while.

The first thing that caught my eye here was the way you chose to begin this. It shows a lot of onomatopoeia, words from sounds associated with its name. For example, you have a lot of "ticks" in there, which makes me think of the sound a clock makes as it moves and tells time. I also imagine the thing that burrows into dogs and other animals, but I have a feeling that wasn't what you were going for with that haha.

Although, it could also be referring to tics, sudden movements or sounds that people make in a repetitive manner. Due to what you mentioned that affects the main character here, I believe it could actually work well if you research and ask actual people with tics. I wouldn't suggest jumping into this big of a change though, so planning is really really really essential for any kind of plotline you'd want to twist or shine light onto.

I also have a few issues with that area though~

Demotivation.


This could fit under the category of anxiety and depression, so bringing it up on its own is strange to me. If you're going to mention one thing that commonly accompanies depression and anxiety, why not add more? The section is quite large on its own now, so with all of that added lil goodies, it can be its own work or something.

Of course, that's just me pointing out the consistency issue. The way it's formatted, the way the sentences are significantly different, the way the writing style feels slightly changed, etc are all big factors for why I feel the way I do here. The best thing to do here is to reflect on everything and edit as much as you possibly can.

Secondly, there's this other part~
"I know mate, but honestlee dis ya being in ya bedroom 24/7 its getting a bit hard to watch to be honest with ya,"


I suggest not doing this. As a British person, people writing accents who probably do not have that accent make it look like a joke. I'm not familiar with whatever region or whatever specific accent this is, but the idea is nice, the execution could be tidied up. Now, I love my accent more than anything, but this is a little extreme of a way to express that 1. Liam has an accent and 2. he's probably kind of proud of it.

I don't have anything else to say! Good job!

Cheers!




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Sun May 16, 2021 8:35 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi sunlightwarriorxo,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I've been following your stories for a while now and I'm noticing more and more that everything is set in one universe, with the same characters. I think it's very good that you try to present it from different points of view. I especially like the fact that you always try to present a different, appropriate writing style for the respective character. I can only say that you should continue as you have already begun.

I didn't want to do anything.
Other than sleep.


It feels a bit rough reading it like that, with the full stop, and I think it would feel better if you put a ... after "anything" to make a better transition to the next sentence.

Falling for that scandalous, vindictive, deceitful cow, bloody hell.


I noticed that in some places you try to portray Harvey with many different words. His (and your) vocabulary has been developed very well for this. I like how he gets excited about it, and doesn't stick to the same words all the time. I especially like how this doesn't just happen once, but is seen several times in the text. That's a point you should keep (at least with Harvey).

"I know mate, but honestlee dis ya being in ya bedroom 24/7 its getting a bit hard to watch to be honest with ya,"


Just a little side note here: I like the way Liam talks. It was a bit complicated at the beginning, but with the first two sentences it works. Is that a certain English accent or is he drunk? :D Either way, I like how he speaks; it gives him a certain personality.

The chapter was good. You had a great combination of dialogue and the mind of Harvey. You portrayed it in an interesting light and I like the way you write him. However, some sentences feel a little too long because of this and you can't catch your breath and others feel a little too hectic, but generally the story reads very smoothly and quickly. It's best to read over it once after you've written it, and imagine yourself in Harvey's place. Then you can ask yourself if you would react in the same way, so as not to write some sentences so oppressively. You've portrayed Harvey well and one can feel empathy for him. I also like the fact that you can't directly say who is right or wrong in this problem.

In summary, it was a good chapter with some exceptional passages. I like that you see your perspective in a new light here.

Enjoy the writing!

Mailice.





I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
— Roald Dahl