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A Ball of Twine

by waywardxwallflower


Three old women and a ball of twine. They say I hold wisdom, and they cannot stay. They wonder if, perchance, I’d like a ball of twine? For a small fee, of course, of course. They must pay Him who rows the boat to eternity. Even eldritch beings like to treat themselves, I suppose.

There is nothing special about the twine, I think. It is coarse and rough like wool, but I do not hold comfort to any importance. I accept, and now I have a ball of twine.

My bag holds two knitting needles and a ball of twine, and so I knit. A scarf of stories is complete, and I cut the line. Death for one. A beanie of those who came before. I don it, and I cut the line. Death for another. And once my closet is filled and I am warm and itching, the sun goes down one final time. Death for the last.


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Sat May 15, 2021 4:04 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was a really interesting little piece here. This is definitely that's got a lot of hidden depth to it and well I did my best here to try and interpret as best as I could. On the surface level...its a pretty interesting story....for being such a short story covers a decent amount of description there so you can get a sense of what's going on fairly well here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Three old women and a ball of twine. They say I hold wisdom, and they cannot stay. They wonder if, perchance, I’d like a ball of twine? For a small fee, of course, of course. They must pay Him who rows the boat to eternity. Even eldritch beings like to treat themselves, I suppose.


Okay....well...interesting ball of twine there....not gonna lie. I do like the vibe there at the start. Its starting off somewhat like a bit of fairly tale with the twine and the way that question is praised, but then there's that last line, which while adding a touch of humor, kind of brings the narrator into the story a bit and makes it a little bit less like one of those...well...a fun little start at any rate.

There is nothing special about the twine, I think. It is coarse and rough like wool, but I do not hold comfort to any importance. I accept, and now I have a ball of twine.


Oay...so the twine is accepted...well..that's a move I didn't expect. Not sure where this is exactly going, I am currently racking my brains here trying to see if there's something deeper to this...but well...let's see...my thoughts on that will be at the end after I read this final bit here.

My bag holds two knitting needles and a ball of twine, and so I knit. A scarf of stories is complete, and I cut the line. Death for one. A beanie of those who came before. I don it, and I cut the line. Death for another. And once my closet is filled and I am warm and itching, the sun goes down one final time. Death for the last.


Okay...bit of a dark ending there that one...definitely leaves some echoes of death hanging there...now I think this is almost talking about the fates from greek mythology maybe...there's definitely old ladies and twine involved there...also death. This is definitely quite a mysterious story...its definitely telling us some sort of message to do with death and how it appears but hmm...well...that's about all I was able to decipher here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall...well...I did my best there to see what I could get. Just everything here seems to be trying tell some sort of deeper story xD. Well anyway...that's about all I could manage to dig up here. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






yeah, it was based on the fates!! thanks for reviewing (:



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Fri May 14, 2021 4:31 pm
YellowSweater wrote a review...



I feel like this is written in the vague lyrical prose of a riddle, or morality tale. On one hand, I really like this, it gets me to think. On the other hand, it makes it a bit hard to follow. I definitely don't think you should change the spirit of the piece (the vague lyrical prose:). But I do think there are a couple of minor edits that would make both the intellectual value and aesthetic value of the piece clearer:

"They say I hold wisdom, and they cannot stay." - This line confused me. I think a simple fix would be to change it to "They cannot stay, but they say I hold wisdom." You could even use this as an opportunity to do a little foreshadowing. Wisdom gives your character importance. They know what to do with their own fate.

I LOVE how you say "There is nothing special about the twine, I think." Such a cool idea, and I love the blunt way in which it is presented.

I find the line "It is coarse and rough like wool, but I do not hold comfort to any importance." Confusing. I am not entirely sure what you are trying to express or how it adds to the story. Maybe cut or re-work?

I really like the last paragraph. It's very poetic. You definitely got me to think about fate in a way I haven't before.

Wonderful piece! - YellowSweater




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Fri May 14, 2021 4:04 pm
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aooborromeo wrote a review...



Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review! So... let's get started.

POSITIVES:
First and foremost, I love the themes and moods you played around with. All of the images resonate deeply with me. I love the three old women idea. I have a feeling you must like or at least be familiar with Greek mythology if this a reference to the underworld beings.

Three old women and a ball of twine. They say I hold wisdom, and they cannot stay.


The Moirai or the Fates (Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos) are the ones who spin and cut the threads of life. Then the reference to Charon here

They must pay Him who rows the boat to eternity


The being who ferries the dead across River Styx in the Underworld. I'm a sucker for Greek mythology so this was just a treat!

Grammar wise, everything for the most part is fine. Great job editing when you first wrote this. I sense you have impeccable vocabulary since I notice words like "perchance", "eldritch", etc. Everything here just works so nicely. I love the repetition of the word "Death", it just played great with the emphasis of the themes here. Then the juxtaposition with the knitting and beanies. It's really nice.

CRITIQUES:

Your short story is very vague. I'm not sure if that was intentional, but as much as I like vague writing to add more opportunity for the reader, here I think it should be expanded. Adding more could do this story some good. I think what you have here is a great start, but you probably should look into expanding this and experimenting to make a clearer idea. You can still keep it vague, but more descriptions and some exploration could add some more layers to what you're trying to do here.

The first paragraph is very interesting, but I think it does get a tad confusing when you go from the first sentence to this next.

Three old women and a ball of twine. They say I hold wisdom, and they cannot stay.


Everything here is a great idea, but some expansion could add even more layers and depth to what you're trying.

The sentence here:
There is nothing special about the twine, I think.


You can get rid of the "I think". It doesn't necessarily need to be there. You'll still get the same idea without it.

Overall, I loved this. Just with a little more imagination, exploration, and editing and revising, your short story could be absolutely genius! I love your ideas and your Greek mythology references. The themes and mood are great, just maybe look into expanding it. Just remember that sometimes less is more. Don't go overboard.

Keep on writing! Loved this!






Thanks so much!! Your critiques are very helpful (:



aooborromeo says...


Anytime! You're welcome! I love the Greek Mythology references.




I'm effortlessly ironic.
— Link Neal