Hi there 4revgreen! I'm just gonna jump straight into a review for you c:
Overall impressions
This is one of those poems where I find it starts kind of subtle and builds up sneakily to an ending where you're like "ohhhhhhhh" — which happens to be one of my favourite type of poems! Like if I'm being honest, at first when I was reading the first stanza I was like "meh, there's nothing wrong with it but it's not that exciting" and BOY do I disagree with my first impression after finishing the poem. Sure, on its own, the first stanza is maybe not super exciting — but the way you twist the perspective and wording of it in the last stanza is just asdlgkasdfhljk *chef's kiss* And once I realized how the poem reflects itself (both in formatting and content), I think the simplicity and unassuming-ness of the language was actually the perfect choice for this poem.
Structure
Like I mentioned above, I love the formatting you used for this poem -> not only how it works its way across the page from left to right, but also how the line lengths of the first and last stanza are more or less a reflection of each other. And on top of this, you repeat sentence structure in these stanzas as well, which for me is what creates that "ohhhhh" moment! I find the contrast of "Then static" and "Then nothing" to be a really striking image to end the poem on — usually I think we imagine static as being nothing itself? just a broken signal that can't convey any meaning. But here, the fact that you're painting "static" and "nothing" as more or less opposite is really cool to me! I personally interpret it as meaning "static", the loud noisy something that is caused by broken connections, might hold less meaning than the silence and void of an intense "nothing".
One suggestion/idea I had regarding formatting was the formatting of the two centre stanzas. The 2nd stanza has a formatting of "medium line / long line / short line" -> I think it'd be neat if the 3rd stanza had a formatting of "short line / long line / medium line" to keep the pattern of reflection going. Something like "Hers / Would be promising: not / Here, not now." Obviously this would place emphasis on different words so you'd want to consider if that still has the effect you were intending — at the end of the day, totally up to you and just something you could consider playing around with :)
Miscellaneous
One thing I found curious re: capitalization is that you chose to capitalize the title in lowercase, but the poem itself has the first letter of each line capitalized. Definitely not a huge deal or anything, I just would've expected the title to be written as "Vomiting doubts" or something like that (or even "vomiting Doubts." if you were taking it straight out of the poem).
I do adore the line breaks you used in the last stanza, especially "My eyes greet the back of her / Neck. A harsh undressing" -> I like how "My eyes greet the back of her" could be its own phrase but then "Neck." on the next layer adds some more specificity and meaning !!
Overall this was a fun, interesting, and honestly just very satisfying poem to read! I hope this review is useful for ya, and if you've got any questions about anything I brought up feel free to ask ^^
Keep writing,
whatcha
Points: 22098
Reviews: 455
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