Hiya, mint here with a review! ^-^ I enjoyed reading this, and the way Andy describes his birth was especially entertaining. I'm wondering what exactly his abilities are too-- the way the word "Hulk" is used to describe his upside-down side makes me think his abilities include some kind of super-strength? But there definitely could be more to them! So overall, this seems like an interesting start to a novel! C: Okay, on to specifics...
...a baby with an upside-down side was born. Well, at least that’s what I call it. Melody calls it the freak side, Phillip calls it the flip curse, Nora likes to call it the magical side.
I love that each of these characters have different names for it! Melody and Phillip seem to think more negatively of these abilities, while Nora's name for it sounds so positive and sunshine-y =D
“Wha, Wha, Whaaa-Graaaaa!” The baby grew twice its size and grew muscles like a Hulkbaby. Hair came off him in a furry purple layer. The baby’s dark blue eyes turned yellow, and his head grew twisted, wicked black horns.
Oh wow, that's quite a dramatic transformation 0.0
Also, just a super tiny thing I'm wondering-- did the hair fall off the baby, or did it just grow out of him? I feel like clarifying that wording a bit might be good! ^^ I did appreciate the description though-- I think it was exactly the right amount to let the reader know what the baby looked like without info-dumping!
“Ahhh!” shrieked the nurse, who was holding the baby, dropping the baby into his mother’s arms. That lovely couple fell in love with their purple demon baby.
XD That couple sounds awesome!
I was still pondering that moment of my strange way of coming to this world. Until the bell rang to go home. Oh, what joy that loud ringing gave to me!
Oop okay, I was confused here for a bit. ^^' It's a rather abrupt transition from the birth scene, and I think either having a separator before this paragraph or giving a little more detail here would help the reader feel less disoriented. Maybe you could start by specifying that the "bell" here is a school bell? You could do something like, "The end-of-school bell rang, shaking me out of my thoughts. Oh, what joy that loud ringing gave to me!" Just an idea :]
We quickly looked at each other and yelled “Jinx!” pointing at each other. Melody bent over, laughing and wheezing. Philip and I grinned at each other.
Aww I love this scene here ^-^ They seem like really good friends!
We turned to find Alyssa Callister standing on the sidewalk. The most popular girl in Burrygrate middle school, right there. She had brought her squad with her, about 6 of her cheerleader pals, tall, and probably unhealthily underweight. Looming by them was Alyssa's boyfriend Rider. They all stood behind her with their arms crossed, ready for anything Alyssa said.
Hmm, to me this part just seems a bit cliche, with the mean popular girl and her sidekicks interrupting the protagonists. I know this isn't my story, and maybe you've thought of this already, but I feel like it'd be awesome if Alyssa changes throughout the story so she isn't always the stereotypical popular bully! Like maybe she discovers powers too, and eventually teams up with the protagonists, or maybe the protagonists save her or something? (Just some random ideas ^^) Anyways, those are my thoughts! C:
Within all the pandemonium and the sudden surge of motion on her head, Melody’s glasses slipped off one of her ears, turning a bird flying by to stone. I'd seen her without her hat, but turning things to stone? That’s new!
Oh gosh xD poor bird! I'm also wondering whether these characters have had the same powers since birth, or if Melody just developed the stone gaze power recently? If she's always had the power, why hasn't she told her friends about it before? Was she ashamed of it, or scared of it, or something? Just some questions I'm curious about! ^^
Alright, that's about it for this review. It was super fun to read this, and I hope you keep writing! (These main characters look awesome =D) Have a wonderful day/night!!
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