Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Fantasy

E - Everyone

The Red Lily

by KassandraRose

In the middle of a meadow in the white moonlight,

Lay a white lily swaying through the night.

In the soft summer breeze and the cool moon rays,

The petals opened which had been closed for days.

Then out of the blue, in the white moonlight,

A sound was heard like the crack of light.

Then from the sound came white hot rays,

Hotter than every one of the summer days.

And after the sound and heat had cleared,

Came a sight the white lily feared.

All around the meadow in the red moonlight,

Was the scarlet witch burning bright. 

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
34 Reviews

Points: 758
Reviews: 34

Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:02 pm
waywardxwallflower wrote a review...

This poem is absolutely stunning!! Your imagery is beautiful, and it truly sucks the reader into the small world you've created. Your writing style is lovely, and the story here is whimsical and makes the reader want to know more.

I have only one small critique: The line "The petals opened which had been closed for days" is sort of clunky and awkward? Perhaps rephrasing this line would work better.

Otherwise, I have no critiques!! This poem was lovely.

User avatar
24 Reviews

Points: 264
Reviews: 24

Wed Apr 21, 2021 1:19 am
nightshadows wrote a review...

Hi! This is nightshadows bring a new comment live to a theater near you! Ok, so enough of my uniqueness here are my thoughts:

Oh my gosh this is amazing. First off I love how it starts off so tranquil and calm then WHABAM!

It flows amazingly and the scene shifts very smoothly!! Then I think I spy with my little eye the SCARLET WITCH!! Ok i am praying that this is Wanda because anybody who knows me..knows I adore her!! Great job on the poem!!

User avatar
11 Reviews

Points: 460
Reviews: 11

Wed Apr 21, 2021 1:09 am
FourLeafClover wrote a review...

Hi! Here to review your poem!
Okay, so, the rhyming is really good. I like how you kept finding different words to rhyme with "moonlight," and how you reused "rays" and "days" without making it seem like too much, and how you also threw in other rhymes ("cleared" and "feared"). I do think, though, that some people not appreciate the repetitiveness and might want a bit of variety with the rhymes.
You also did super well with describing the setting. It made me feel like I was actually there, and I know that some people (such as me) tend to enjoy that.
Maybe you should have put a bit of a trigger warning before saying that the scarlet witch was burning bright, because some people tend to have a hard time reading things like that, or have bad memories associated with burning and be really sensitive about that topic.
Mostly, I think that your poem is really good, and you have a real skill with poetry!
Thanks for reading!

Thanks for the feedback!

I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
— Paul Simon