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Avenger Interns. Chapter one. Part one

by LadyMysterio, TheMythMaster


Narcissa glanced out the window, as their driver, Mr. Hogan half ranted, half lectured them.

“Alright look, you can't phone me a million times a week, and no texts. None nine, and whatever the other words for no are.”

She tuned out his lecture, as she gazed at the impressive cement building. “So this is the Avengers…” she whispered, the slight tinge of a French Canadian accent on her comment.

Narcissa flicked her eyes back to the driver, he's finally stopped his tirade, and was in fact looking in the rearview mirror at them,” Clear?” He flicked his eye back to the one-way road in front of them.

‘Perfectly,” it seemed this lecture had stemmed from another younger avenger he had been associated with. Perhapes she'd take a look at his memories later. The car slowed, she straightened her black suit jacket and brushed the similarly coloured jeans. 

Her 14-year-old brother, Leonardo, shifted in the seat beside her. Peering through her window at the big glass windows covering a large part of the front of the building,” Ready Nar?” He turned the rings on his fingers. He often did that, others thought it was from nervousness, but more often he did it when he knew things were going to change. Things have changed a lot lately.

“As ready as one can be to be a part of the avengers.” She watched Mr hogan stepped out of the car and meet a rather arrogant-looking man. She raised a brow, the man the myth the legend, Tony stark.

Tony looked over his dark sunglasses at the backseat windows, then strode over and opened Narcissa’s door, she slid out.

“Miss Monet,” he nodded a greeting, shaking her ringed hand, then turned to Leonard and repeated the greeting.

Tony titled his head at Mr. Hogan who was digging their bags out of the trunk. “Happy got you bags, follow me.”

“Well, a hand would be nice?” Happy lugged a suitcase out.

“Not what I hired you for.'' Tony strode through the automatic glass doors, Narcissa's chunky boot steps echoing through the open space inside. The building seemed to loom over her


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Wed Apr 21, 2021 11:53 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Well this seems like its the start to what could be quite a fun read...and its seems like a simple enough concept to work out, of course it might get complicated later, but for now, this seems to work with the universe well enough. At any rate, it was fun to read.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Narcissa glanced out the window, as their driver, Mr. Hogan half ranted half lectured them.

“Alright look, you can't phone me a million times a week, and no texts. None nine, and whatever the other words for no are.”


Well that's a fun place to start. I can definitely imagine Happy saying that and it also makes for a really fun little intro so that's always a plus.

She tuned out his lecture, as she gazed at the impressive cement building. “So this is the avengers…” she whispered, the slight tinge of a french Canadian accent on her comment.

Narcissa flicked her eyes back to the driver, he's finally stopped his tirade, and was in fact looking in the rearview mirror at them,” Clear?” He flicked his eye back to the one-way road in front of them.

‘Perfectly,” it seemed this lecture had stemmed from another younger avenger he had been associated with. Paraphs she'd take a look at his memories later. The car slowed, she straightened her black suit jacket and brushed the similarly coloured jeans.


Getting started with the references early, I like the sound of that. And if I can stop getting reminded of Narcissa Malfoy I think I like the sounds of this main character here, I'm thinking this Narcissa is the intern here...and is an OC.

Her 14-year-old brother, shifted in the seat beside her, peering through her window at the big glass windows covering a large part of the front of the building,” Ready Nar?” He turned the rings on his fingers. He often did that, others thought it was from nervousness, but more often he did it when he knew things were going to change. Things have changed a lot lately.


I'll be honest, Nar...really doesn't have the same ring to it that Nat does...although I suppose it works...that name does not leave you with too many options.

“As ready as one can be to be a part of the avengers.” She watched Mr hogan stepped out of the car and meet a rather arrogant-looking man. She raised a brow, the man the myth the legend, Tony stark.

Tony looked over his dark sunglasses at the backseat windows, then strode over and opened Narcissa’s door, she slid out.


Well...at least he's alive in this universe, I definitely like how that turned out.

“Miss Monet,” he nodded a greeting, shaking her ringed hand, then turned to Leonard and repeated the greeting.

Tony titled his head at Mr. Hogan who was digging their bags out of the trunk. “Happy got you bags, follow me.”


Okay...seems to be okay there...fairly simple introduction there, and I think that fits the idea here so far...of course to see what actually ends up happening I would have to read more. This is the very beginning after all it appears.

“Well, a hand would be nice?” Happy lugged a suitcase out.

“Not what I hired you for.'' Tony strode through the automatic glass doors, Narcissa's chunky boot steps echoing through the open space inside. The building seemed to loom over her


Okay...not quite sure if the last two bits of dialogue were terribly in character...but then it has been a while since I watched the movies, so Imma just roll with it. It is still very early in the story after all.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was a nice little chapter one here. A bit on the shorter side, but that's never really an issue. Anyway...I think I see there's a part two....so I will probably read that too...eventually :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Mon Apr 19, 2021 5:04 pm


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Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:18 pm
ThikiNiki wrote a review...



FANTASTIC! I enjoyed the idea that the Avengers would have an internship (I would definitely go XD)

There were some grammatical errors, but NivedaJames22 covered most of those. The only ones I would add are "None, nein" instead of "None nine" (When it's spelled Nein, it's the German word for "No")

The word Avengers should be capitalized, as it is the name of the team.

I absolutely LOVED the descriptions of the characters, you nailed Tony Stark. And, despite the lack of Loki (mostly joking) I am looking forward to reading more!




LadyMysterio says...


Oh don%u2019t worry Loki%u2019s coming XD



LadyMysterio says...


Why did it put the numbers in that?? Werid



ThikiNiki says...


WOOHOO LOKILOKILOKI

Also I don't know, maybe because of the coding needed for the apostrophes?



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Sat Apr 17, 2021 6:49 am
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NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey!

First of all, I love the whole idea of an Avengers fanfic. This may just be the secret ingredient that will heal the world.<3

I think there should be a comma between half-ranted and half-lectured here:

Narcissa glanced out the window, as their driver, Mr. Hogan half ranted half lectured them.

Also I think you misspelt "perhaps" here:

Paraphs she'd take a look at his memories later.

I think the "S" of Stark should be in caps here:

She raised a brow, the man the myth the legend, Tony stark.

Also the "H" of Hogan:

She watched Mr hogan stepped out of the car and meet a rather arrogant-looking man.

Otherwise, I found no errors. It was a delight to read. :)

I really like how you describe Tony Stark as "arrogant-looking". I mean I love the guy, but he CAN be arrogant sometimes. This line also describes him very well:

“Not what I hired you for.''

I also like Narcissa. She sounds like an interesting person. I especially loved this line:

“As ready as one can be to be a part of the avengers.”

It has a blunt, slightly sarcastic tone which made me smile :)

Also, I'm not sure if I missed it, but I think you didn't mention the brother's name. If you meant it to be that way, then that's cool. But I just thought I'd mention it in case you had missed it accidently.

On the whole, I loved the chapter, especially the dialogues. They lend a lot of personality to your characters.

Can't wait to read what happens next.

Keep writing. (:





Thou call'dst me a dog before thou hadst cause. But, since I am a dog, beware my fangs.
— Shylock, The Merchant of Venice