Young Writers Society

Hello,

This was amazing. I honestly don't know what else to say about this. I love your metaphors, I love the images you create in my mind, and I love that I can see it so clearly, right in front of me. Stories take you to another world, and you do that with just your words. You don't need a plot, you don't need characters. Just your words. And that is amazing, I think.

"We are squished between moments, reckoning with a folded horizon."

This line is so beautiful. It is perfect. I don't have anything else to say about it.

"A highway is a portal forced to exist in conventional space. It’s a portal stretched thin."

This was also a very beautiful line. I love the way you have infused time and space into this, even though I don't understand a thing about it.

The only thing I didn't get was the metaphor of the snake, but hey, maybe that's just me.

Keep on writing, because you clearly have a knack for it!

This piece is ,,, stunning. Every time I read something from you I'm astounded at your skill. This piece perfectly sums up the surreal and eerie feeling of road trips and travelling down highways and passing through places where some people build their lives. My own opinion definitely syncs up more with your cousin's, but this piece is super interesting and well-written. I have no critiques, but there are a few phrases which stood out to me.

"We are squished between moments, reckoning with a folded horizon." I have no words to express how lovely this line is??? The way you bring time into this piece and almost weave it between words is so beautiful and well done.

"A highway is a portal forced to exist in conventional space. It’s a portal stretched thin." AAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. This is SO accurate and it's put in such a beautiful way??? Writing exists most often to attempt to convey feelings which are difficult to convey, but you've put it perfectly here.

The entire piece is so beautiful and profound and yet so very simple. It's something we all experience but you've described it so well. Wonderful

Hey hey! ^_^ I saw this lovely piece in the green room, and decided to leave a review! <3 I'll give you my thoughts along the way and end with overall impressions c:

It’s a clear day. The sky is blue. The grass is green. And we are driving down the highway. The journey is marked by spastic bursts of conversation and a chunkily categorized landscape.

There go the suburbs, the farmlands, the mountains. We are squished between moments, reckoning with a folded horizon.

My cousin says she finds the dirty dive bars and mangy strip malls, the nameless, thousand-mile purgatory outside the parapet, enticing.

But I am repelled.

There is nothing holding the components together, just sporadic glances out the window.

Hi there! I've never reviewed before, so excuse any mistakes I might make! ^^

The first paragraph reminds me of Richard Siken, more specifically his poetry in the book titled Crush. It's definitely because of the imagery being simple yet showcased in a way that fully incorporates all of the potential for emotions and consciousness.

The shorter sentences seem to help your writing. There is an overhanging feeling of sentimentality in the simplicity, and I believe that shines through more with the overall topic you've written about. Car rides have so many possibilities from crossing states to getting groceries at the store, so that's really fun at times.

Now I bring up "We are squished between moments, reckoning with a folded horizon" because it brings up this outlook of urgency. The voice created by the storyteller is in a car while someone is driving, and a commute ends at some point in time when the people in the car have reached their concluding destination.

Moving onto the next paragraph, I feel like I am missing the point of "It’s a dead snake" and the following images. There was imagery that felt like a paradise too perfect to be true when I started reading, but this is completely torn away from all of that. It's more negative in atmosphere, which can be pulled off if prepared for correctly.

I also feel the same way about the next paragraph, which is also disconnected slightly. I believe the cousin was the other person in the car from the way she is introduced to the setting, but having her jump in so quickly detached the original sensations from earlier areas and made them become hidden.

I adore that ending! I think I agree wholeheartedly with the message of the first sentence, and then the next one was detailed and proficient. I also think the ending sentence really concluded the journey the storyteller went on nicely.

I hope this review helped you some! This was a blast to read!