Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Literature


by ForeverYoung299

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
57 Reviews

Points: 4187
Reviews: 57

Sun Apr 11, 2021 2:42 pm
View Likes
quitecontrary wrote a review...

Hi ForeverYoung!

You did a really great job with this sonnet, and I feel like your poetry has come so far already!
I loved the repetition of "a flower shines" in your first stanza, and "light-dark, small-big" gives the poem a lot of character. I agree with what stygianmoon said about grammar, but I can see that changing some words might throw off the rhyme scheme. In general, it is the poet's choice to choose whether or not to rhyme, but a Shakespearean sonnet follows this rhyme scheme: abab cdcd efef gg.

As for rhyme, there's a couple ways you can interpret that. "family/mournfully" is very clearly a rhyme, but "nature/care" and "gift/leafed" is a different type of rhyme. Nature and care both end on the "r" sound, but because it isn't a full syllable rhyme the effect is kind of lost. I have an American accent so different rhymes are more pronounced when I speak them, and full-syllable rhymes are much easier to pick up on for most people than just letter-sound rhymes. Long story short, it's better to use full syllable rhymes in poetry.

I loved the subject of your sonnet, and I think you explored the symbolism of flowers very well. There's only two parts that I didn't like as much:

It provides to our dear mother nature
Such a precious, superb and unique gift
Which provides her pleasure and she can care
For something that is generally leafed
First off, you used "provides" in two different ways, which doesn't follow the repetition pattern of the other stanzas. I would stick with "It provides" both times just for consistency's sake.
Secondly, I think changing "she can care" to something like "joy to care" would make the third line more understandable.

The last couplet in a Shakespearean sonnet usually serves as a punchline or sum up of everything that was said before, but in your last couplet you introduce a whole new subject. What you could do is make "birds" a metaphor for people, so that it gives a new meaning to the rest of the sonnet, but whatever you do try and clearly link the last couplet to the rest of the poem so I don't feel like you just stopped in the middle of a stanza.

Overall, I really loved this sonnet because it's just so full of spring! I really did like the last couplet, I just think either the poem shouldn't have stopped there or it should be a more conclusive end. ( except the more I think about it the more I like it, because it reminds us that spring is just the beginning :D)

Happy Writing!

Thank you so much for it! I will think about changing those. And about the rhyming scheme, when I pronounce, those words kinda rhyme. But, I will think about changing those. To tell the truth, I pondered a lot in keeping 10 syllables in each line.

Np! Poems with meter/syllable counts are generally really hard to write, but the more you read them the more you'll get used to the meter and it will be easier to write (:

User avatar
121 Reviews

Points: 21970
Reviews: 121

Sun Apr 11, 2021 1:14 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...

Ahhh such a beautiful background

I'll organise this review so it's easier for the two of us :D
Firstly, whether or not it fits the characteristics of a sonnet.

Little reminder: a sonnet is:
- a poem with 14 lines
- MUST rhyme
- is written in iambic pentameter

But for the sake of me not having listened to a thing in literature class, I won't nitpick the iambic pentameter part, and I'll instead focus on the other two.

Is your poem 14 lines long ?

Does your poem have a rhyming scheme ?
Kinda, ABAB but then CDEF but then there's again some rhymes with GHGH then ii
So maybe work on the second stanza to make it rhyme, so it fits the criteria of a sonnet better :)

Now onto the poem review ^^

I just saw some little grammar mistakes, but I'll just re-write the whole poem, it'll be easier
"A flower shines giving beauty to
A dull branch filled with light-dark, small-big leaves
A flower shines to give a sweet gift for
Husbands to present to their beloved wives.

It provides to our dear mother nature
Such a precious, superb and unique gift
Which provides her pleasure and she can care
For something that is generally leafed (?)

It is used to say "Welcome" to the new
Member of a grand happy family
It is used to say the final "Ya sou"
To the hearty loved one, mournfully"

There was also a few things I didn't get, like the:

"A dull branch filled with light-dark, small-big leaves"
Do you mean some leaves are dark ? And some were light ? And some were smaller, bigger, etc ? Because said this way, it feels like the leaves are light AND dark at the same time. So maybe word it in another way, like "a dull branch filled with light, dark, small, or bid leaves"

And I also didn't get
"For something that is generally leafed"
You're talking about how nature is glad to care for something.. something generally leafed ? Yeah didn't really get that one 😅

Have a lovely day <33

Thanks for the review! It was really helpful. For the first suggestion, I will change that and the second one%u2013 I referred to a branch of flowers with leaves.

User avatar
27 Reviews

Points: 27
Reviews: 27

Sun Apr 11, 2021 1:04 pm
YourFriendQuirks08 wrote a review...

Wow, for a start that was amazing ; great effort for your first sonnet indeed. I may not be able to give the best critic, I am not very familiar with poetry, haha!

I love the flow of your stanzas and how they blend into each other. It is extremely relaxing to read, which further compliments your writing and it's theme.

It is a great poem and I hope to hear more from you,

Love Rubes :)

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein