Young Writers Society

Hi ForeverYoung!

You did a really great job with this sonnet, and I feel like your poetry has come so far already!
I loved the repetition of "a flower shines" in your first stanza, and "light-dark, small-big" gives the poem a lot of character. I agree with what stygianmoon said about grammar, but I can see that changing some words might throw off the rhyme scheme. In general, it is the poet's choice to choose whether or not to rhyme, but a Shakespearean sonnet follows this rhyme scheme: abab cdcd efef gg.

As for rhyme, there's a couple ways you can interpret that. "family/mournfully" is very clearly a rhyme, but "nature/care" and "gift/leafed" is a different type of rhyme. Nature and care both end on the "r" sound, but because it isn't a full syllable rhyme the effect is kind of lost. I have an American accent so different rhymes are more pronounced when I speak them, and full-syllable rhymes are much easier to pick up on for most people than just letter-sound rhymes. Long story short, it's better to use full syllable rhymes in poetry.

I loved the subject of your sonnet, and I think you explored the symbolism of flowers very well. There's only two parts that I didn't like as much:

It provides to our dear mother nature
Such a precious, superb and unique gift
Which provides her pleasure and she can care
For something that is generally leafed

Ahhh such a beautiful background

I'll organise this review so it's easier for the two of us
Firstly, whether or not it fits the characteristics of a sonnet.

Little reminder: a sonnet is:
- a poem with 14 lines
- MUST rhyme
- is written in iambic pentameter

But for the sake of me not having listened to a thing in literature class, I won't nitpick the iambic pentameter part, and I'll instead focus on the other two.

Is your poem 14 lines long ?
Yes.

Does your poem have a rhyming scheme ?
Kinda, ABAB but then CDEF but then there's again some rhymes with GHGH then ii
So maybe work on the second stanza to make it rhyme, so it fits the criteria of a sonnet better

Now onto the poem review ^^


I just saw some little grammar mistakes, but I'll just re-write the whole poem, it'll be easier
"A flower shines giving beauty to
A dull branch filled with light-dark, small-big leaves
A flower shines to give a sweet gift for
Husbands to present to their beloved wives.

It provides to our dear mother nature
Such a precious, superb and unique gift
Which provides her pleasure and she can care
For something that is generally leafed (?)

It is used to say "Welcome" to the new
Member of a grand happy family
It is used to say the final "Ya sou"
To the hearty loved one, mournfully"

There was also a few things I didn't get, like the:

"A dull branch filled with light-dark, small-big leaves"
Do you mean some leaves are dark ? And some were light ? And some were smaller, bigger, etc ? Because said this way, it feels like the leaves are light AND dark at the same time. So maybe word it in another way, like "a dull branch filled with light, dark, small, or bid leaves"

And I also didn't get
"For something that is generally leafed"
You're talking about how nature is glad to care for something.. something generally leafed ? Yeah didn't really get that one 😅

Have a lovely day <33

Wow, for a start that was amazing ; great effort for your first sonnet indeed. I may not be able to give the best critic, I am not very familiar with poetry, haha!

I love the flow of your stanzas and how they blend into each other. It is extremely relaxing to read, which further compliments your writing and it's theme.

It is a great poem and I hope to hear more from you,

Love Rubes