Hi Forever,
Mailice back with a short review!
Compared to the other poem, this one no longer seems rebellious or lively, but goes deeper into the psyche, looking at what a sad aura is spread here. Like the blossoms falling off the rose, we sink deeper to the side as you read the poem. A great effect you have created here!
Once, when I was a flower
Which had just bloomed.
I find it interesting in the structure that you end with a full stop here, and not with a comma, almost as if you want to create a pause to release some pressure or pain. I think this is extremely well done, as the following three lines reproduce this effect that I described in the previous sentence. I think you have created a well-developed sound, as if someone very old is speaking.
Now, I am a half grown flower
My life is like a wind
I'm a little confused here, and yet I think you're creating a cycle, like you've been born again. With the second line I get the effect of how fragile and easily destroyed life can be. I like this metaphor of the wind because it can mean many things and because each reader can create their own interpretation.
Some of my happy petals
Have already fallen
I find this such a sad line because it seems to me that the flower has lost something like its children, who are represented as blossoms.
This dichotomy that you create from the second paragraph onwards and becomes clearer in the third paragraph, struck me as a deep-seated sadness in the person and creates a peaceful, if depressive mood. It has something quiet of tone in it and think that the possible interpretations can also split here as to which way the poem wants to express something.
I liked this structure and also the choice of background. I think that contributed to the effect that I also gave this poem more of a sad note.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
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