Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

18+ Mature Content

The world

by akanbright


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.


The world is a large place
It is a strange place
And a battle ground
Where only the strong stand

Destinies are unravelled here
Visions and missions actualized
Only those sensitive can hear
The strong as visualized

The world is of its own
An embodiment of corruption
As represented In men
Yet we seek to bring out the best in it


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
14 Reviews


Points: 27
Reviews: 14

Donate
Sun Apr 11, 2021 11:32 pm
WishIHadASword wrote a review...



Hi! How are you? Just wanted to say that this is such a deep, beautiful piece of writing! The only thing I could wish was that it was longer! The writing style is amazing and I love the word choice! Please keep writing like this, I would absolutely love to read more work like this! Keep up the great work my friend!




akanbright says...


Thank u



User avatar
21 Reviews


Points: 100
Reviews: 21

Donate
Sun Apr 11, 2021 3:28 pm
Zenith wrote a review...



Hey akanbright! Zenith here for a review.
Your poem falls in the short and sweet category. I like the main theme that you've tried to portray. The world is indeed a scary and cruel place but also a place of miracles and opportunities. Ultimately it rests upon us what we make of it.

The world is a large place
It is a strange place
And a battle ground
Where only the strong stand

I would suggest you change one of the first two lines because they somehow give the same idea about the world being a 'place'. You can use other metaphors instead. Example-
The world is a strange place.
It is a war cry that beckons us
To the battleground
Where only the strong stand.


I really like the second para, and it has the best flow. The only criticism I have for this is try to work on your punctuations a bit. You have missed them in multiple places throughout the poem. I have added them for your reference.
Destinies are unravelled here,
Visions and missions actualized.
Only those sensitive can hear
The strong as visualized.


The third para ends on an optimistic note which overall gives the poem a feeling of completion. Punctuations are missing and a random capital letter in the middle of the sentence, which you need to edit out.
The world is of its own
An embodiment of corruption
As represented in men;
Yet we seek to bring out the best in it.


Overall it was a good read. I hope to see more of your stuff.
Happy writing! :)

P.S.- Why have you added the mature content tag? I didn't find anything as such.




akanbright says...


Thanks don't know what it really is




You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote