Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

16+ Violence

The Sorcerers of Hisderat, Chapter 7.3

by HarryHardy


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

She took a look around the room, trying to assess the mood.

After her interruption with the case, they'd all gone back to doing whatever it was they were doing. Since they had already pretty much confirmed that we are going to Hisderat, I suppose they're trying to crack the rest of this code or planning an expedition. Knowing Stevenson's plans it's probably both. Well no point in me just standing here. I should try to get something done. Maybe I should go see if Henson and Sharpe arrived. She cringed in sympathy at the thought of the two of them. As much as she didn't like them, she knew they were very much out of their league against the three of them if the brief tussles she'd had with them had been any indicator of their abilities.

She briskly made her way outside and towards the med bay. Hopefully those two morons are in one piece. Although on the other hand if Stevenson is in a bad mood, being in one piece might not actually be a good thing. She let out a sigh. Just a little more. Then I don't have to worry about all this anymore.

It took her a few minutes to reach the place but judging by the pained breathing coming from inside she could already imagine what she would find inside. She grimaced. Oh dear. That went about as well as expected. Hopefully neither of them are critical. Doing her best to keep her face neutral, she slowly pushed open the door to avoid startling anyone and made her way in.

The first thing she noticed was the blood. There was a small puddle of the stuff lying at the foot of one of the metal frames that served as beds in the tiny area. She could see Samuel, hands gripping what appeared to be a giant ice shard lodged in Henson’s leg, as he appeared to be trying to pull it out. Ice attacks? Oh dear. That trio covers quite a section of the elementals arts. Dirt, lightning, fire and now ice.

She glanced over at the other one. Sharpe was lying in bed, clutching his stomach and looking like he was in serious pain. There was no visible wound however, and his clothes didn’t even appear to be torn. Judging by the fact that Samuel looked to be resorting to normal techniques to remove the ice shard, he must have already used up his magic in healing whatever internal issues that Sharpe had managed to acquire. She winced as she remembered her own injury. That pink lady could throw one heck of an organ rupture curse.

Evelyn stood at the door. She didn't go in, not wanting to accidentally startle Samuel, knowing fully well that if Samuel was thrown off just a little, Henson would probably end up losing his foot.

Evelyn watched in silence as the medic did his job. Sharpe seemed to have passed out after a while from the pain. They probably ran out of painkillers. As if to prove her point, Henson also passed out from the pain of having the shard removed. Samuel was not one to take stock of any of his supplies. Why couldn't they invest in at least one nurse?

Evelyn tiptoed in and discretely cast a mild numbing spell over Sharpe. She didn't know the specific ones but the broad spectrum ones she'd had to learn over the years were still very useful. She fired off another one in Henson's direction as Samuel managed to somehow remove the ice shard without making it worse.

As he moved to immediately apply a bandage, Evelyn studied the ice shard that he'd pulled out. It was unlike any other form of conjured ice that she had seen. The speed at which it was melting didn’t seem to be natural, especially considering where it had been lodged. The blood that coated the ice shard should have been more than hot enough to melt the whole thing down in a couple of minutes. I really hope I don't have to fight those three again, not without a gatling gun at least.

She moved closer once Samuel was finished with his work.

“How long would it take for those two to be up again?” Evelyn asked, keeping her voice flat, "I need to get the reports from them."

"II doubt they will be in a condition to speak for quite some time Evelyn," replied the man, "they both took some serious hits."

"And those are?" she asked.

Samuel walked over to her, wiping his hands on his already stained clothes. Evelyn wrinkled her nose as he proceeded to also wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"Henson, as you can see, was hit by quite the shot there. Someone who knew exactly what they were doing. Hit him right in the Achilles. He's not going to be walking for quite some time. And Sharpe was hit with some intestine twisting abomination that I've never seen before."

Evelyn had to resist the urge to point out that he'd never actually gone to medical school and that the entrail twister was a spell invented back during World War 1.

She gave him a brief nod. "I trust that you can report their return and their current condition to Stevenson. I must be off. I have other matters to tend to."

"Yes, Evelyn."

She gave him a nod and made her way out, being careful to close the flimsy door slowly.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
421 Reviews


Points: 26850
Reviews: 421

Donate
Sun May 02, 2021 2:13 am
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hello there! ^_^ This has been in the Green Room for awhile, so I thought I'd nudge it out! Since I haven't read the previous parts of this series, pardon me if I say something stupid xD

After her interruption with the case, they'd all gone back to doing whatever it was they were doing.


This is just a suggestion, so please feel free to ignore me if you don't agree! c: I was just thinking that it might help to clarify who "they" is -> just for clarity, or if someone has forgotten where they left off from the precious chapter

Since they had already pretty much confirmed that we are going to Hisderat, I suppose they're trying to crack the rest of this code or planning an expedition. Knowing Stevenson's plans it's probably both. Well no point in me just standing here. I should try to get something done. Maybe I should go see if Henson and Sharpe arrived.


Ooh sounds like things are getting interesting :O
I noticed that a large part of these sentences are pretty much the same length -> I do realize it's her thoughts, so this may not be something you want to do, but I think it might help if you varied the sentence length a bit just so it doesn't get repetitive c:

She cringed in sympathy at the thought of the two of them....She briskly made her way outside and towards the med bay. Hopefully those two morons are in one piece. Although on the other hand if Stevenson is in a bad mood, being in one piece might not actually be a good thing. She let out a sigh.


(I cut out a bit so the quotation wouldn't be so lengthy) I also noticed that a large part of these sentences start with "she" -> I think it would be helpful to vary sentence structure as well, so it's not the same formula over again. It can get a bit repetitive c:

She could see Samuel, hands gripping what appeared to be a giant ice shard lodged in Henson’s leg, as he appeared to be trying to pull it out.


(just a bit of repetition it might help to avoid!) Oh dear, that sounds very painful 0.0 I can't imagine what pulling that out would fill like, he should actually probably leave that thing in >.>

Judging by the fact that Samuel looked to be resorting to normal techniques to remove the ice shard, he must have already used up his magic in healing whatever internal issues that Sharpe had managed to acquire.


"normal techniques" -> that made me laugh xD
And aww, I love the characterization we get from Samuel's actions - to put Sharpe's issues before his own, that's really sweet of him to do!

That pink lady could throw one heck of an organ rupture curse.


Omg I love the way you phrased this xD "organ rupture curse" is a fantastic phrase haha

Evelyn stood at the door.


Ohh I just realized this is the first time you introduced her name this chapter -> you could definitely look at replacing some of the earlier "she"s with Evelyn, this would help a lot with repetition, and it would establish the character in the beginning rather than halfway through this part c:

Evelyn had to resist the urge to point out that he'd never actually gone to medical school and that the entrail twister was a spell invented back during World War 1.


Aha, I love the almost annoyance being shown in this sentence xD and AHH love how magic was around even during past historical events, like WWI, I think that was a really interesting detail of you to include!

She gave him a brief nod. "I trust that you can report their return and their current condition to Stevenson. I must be off. I have other matters to tend to."

"Yes, Evelyn."

She gave him a nod


Oh, looks like she gave a nod twice :p might help to change it up a bit so it's not too repetitive :p

I love how I didn't even read the previous chapters and I already have a good sort of sense about what the setting of this novel is like! I can tell from the characters' injuries that the "bad guys" or enemies they are facing are pretty ,,, powerful, to say the least >.> the injuries they sustained do sound horrific, and I hope they are able to heal soon! :O

Evelyn seems to have some sort of authority. She seems to get right to things and feels like a leader. At least, that's what I got from only reading this part! ^_^

I also love the different spells / curses you threw out their - organ rupture curse is by far my favourite :)

And that's all I got for you! I hope these comments prove useful to you <3 This seems like such an interesting story, and I'm glad I got to read a part of it! c: Good luck with your future writings, and I hope to read more soon! ^_^




User avatar
936 Reviews


Points: 67984
Reviews: 936

Donate
Fri Apr 23, 2021 2:38 pm
View Likes
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Ok, it's been a minute. I'm going to head back and read the last chapter/part and then I'll be back to review this one...

So I see we're still with Evelyn, which makes sense seeing as it's a part of the previous chapter but honestly I'm ready for Harry/Rose to comeback. It probably feels like such a long time since we've read a chapter with them because of the breaks in posting/reviewing and I'm sure it hasn't really been that long but I miss that crazy pair!

Are we going to learn what Hisderat means at some point? Or is it just a word you made up?

As much as she didn't like them, she knew they were very much out of their league against the three of them if the brief tussles she'd had with them had been any indicator of their abilities.

This is long and wordy and a bit confusing. I would shorten it and tighten it up if you can.

but judging by the pained breathing coming from inside she could already imagine what she would find inside.

The but here seems weird to me because I don't see how one part of the sentence relates to the other, if that makes sense? I would cut it and make the sentence into two.

The first thing she noticed was the blood. There was a small puddle of the stuff lying at the foot of one of the metal frames that served as beds in the tiny area.

Oh wow, don't they clean up in there? That feels like a hazard.

That pink lady could throw one heck of an organ rupture curse.

I know you mean Rose but I can't help but picture Dolores Umbridge...


Evelyn stood at the door. She didn't go in, not wanting to accidentally startle Samuel, knowing fully well that if Samuel was thrown off just a little, Henson would probably end up losing his foot.

Evelyn watched in silence as the medic did his job. Sharpe seemed to have passed out after a while from the pain. They probably ran out of painkillers. As if to prove her point, Henson also passed out from the pain of having the shard removed. Samuel was not one to take stock of any of his supplies. Why couldn't they invest in at least one nurse?

Evelyn tiptoed in and discretely cast a mild numbing spell over Sharpe. She didn't know the specific ones but the broad spectrum ones she'd had to learn over the years were still very useful. She fired off another one in Henson's direction as Samuel managed to somehow remove the ice shard without making it worse.

You've started each of these three sections with 'Evelyn' and then a verb. Try and change it up a little :)

She fired off another one in Henson's direction as Samuel managed to somehow remove the ice shard without making it worse.

Wait is she some kind of healer?

She gave him a nod and made her way out, being careful to close the flimsy door slowly.

Why did she have to close it slowly?

Ok, for the next chapter it would be great if you could have a previously section because I'm struggling to work out if I've forgotten things about characters because I haven't read it in a while or whether there are some actual helpful comments I can make xD

I'm going to hold off on too much commenting until you post the next bit I think, but let me know if you want any specific thoughts on this section and I'll be happy to give them :)

Hope this was helpful (even if it was a bit late!)

Icy





The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
— H. L. Mencken