I. In the dim nape of night
like oil poured on a canvas
she comes to my door.
I smell her perfume:
white amber, she walks through
the snow with bare feet,
a plume of smoke that stirs the earth.
Here, in darkness, in flesh,
my love draws me nearer.
She stares through her lashes
as the warmth from her breasts
surrounds me like a balm
to my weeping wound.
I whisper, "Am I dreaming?"
and my lips kiss her pale neck
while a white feather falls to the floor.
I hold her, breathe her air,
wonder at the endless expanse of stars,
accept the feeling of her skin.
To have fallen, how, into
a fire that consumes me?
Here, in darkness, in flesh,
my love draws me nearer.
There are no words I know, only
her name and her scent: white amber.
II. The winter snow lightens to silver
under the moon.
I am seeing now where
I have been, why she haunts my dreams.
A light of some kind,
thunderous and deafening,
separates us:
blows right through my thin curtains
and into my flesh.
Another snow comes down.
Another sigh,
suddenly my heart lies
not inside my chest, but elsewhere,
another way:
far away, beyond the window.
I feel the cold.
There is one word to describe this...STUNNING!
The poem has an extremely good flow throughout it and your vocab has been fitted exquisitely too.
The Volta between the stanzas has a huge effect on the story too: very cleverly placed.
Thanks for the lovely poem and story line ; I could picture every part of it!
Love Rubes 
Hi!
Camie here for a review. (This is my first review so I hope I'm doing it right)
First of all, I just want to say: wow. My compliments to the chef! This is really fantastic.
I really loved the atmosphere you created in your work, it's really special and it really did remind me of White Amber. The lines I especially liked in your work were "In the dim nape of night / like oil poured on a canvas" and "the snow with bare feet / a plume of smoke that stirs the earth." because I feel like these words really create a "solitary" image in your work, that she is the only person.
I really have nothing bad to say about this poem, it is so spectacular. I think the rhyme between sigh and lie allows for a really satisfying finish too. I also like how the poem is split into "I" and "II" because it allows for two separate viewpoints.
The poem's lines are also very lilting, light and airy, dreamlike almost. I love this.
I'm sorry I don't have more to say or any advice to offer, it's just so fantastic that I cannot fault it! I can't wait to read more of your works.
Camie
Hey there, akanbright here for a review.
I just want to let you know that the poem was amazingly amazing and I love meter and lyrics if I should put it that way. It seemed to remind me of something and of someone that I could definitely compare to a white amber.
Though to be sincere, i didn't understand most of the lines or maybe I wasn't paying enough attention to the message the poem was trying to pass out to me or so.
I didn't think for a second thought that you tried explaining or linking the poems title to the real work. Apart from this, I say the poems amazing and I do sincerely hope to review more of your works someday.
113,557 Literary Works • 611,300 Reviews
Points: 87
Reviews: 5
Donate