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Broken

by BrokenHeartsAri


I'm sick of losing friends

Hold

don't come back

broken like the others'

faded like my heart

Broken smile

Nothing to do

I'm not expecting a call

Working, stressing

every day

I'm sick of losing friends

Don't tell me I need

to smile more

All lies!

Can't you see?

My smile is Broken,

My smile is fragmented

I can't repair

what's broken

I warned you

I told you

you never listen

You sit so high

Don't even realize

what's going on

I'm sick of losing friends


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124 Reviews


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Reviews: 124

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Fri Jun 11, 2021 6:35 am
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ChrisCalaid wrote a review...



Hello BrokenHeartsAri! I'm here to review the second poem you request. I'm sorry for the late review, I was going to review your poem but the next minute internet was unavailable. The internet was gone in my country for about 40 days for some reason. I'm sorry.

Review

I love your poems! Like the poem you requested previously, it's beautifully written. And I really like how you express the things we all feel in your own way. This poem reminded me of my old friends, who used to be my best friends and my new friend who is going back to her home country and never coming back again... She came a few months ago but she left a few days ago. It's really sad...

I'm sick of losing friends


You repeated this phrase three times, and I think it's a really good way of emphasizing your feelings. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one losing friends...
---


don't come back

broken like the others'

faded like my heart


I'm not sure why you capitalized some parts and some you didn't. As mckaylaam mentioned below, I think it might help the flow of the poem if you use some commas and periods. Although I will suggest, it's -of course- your choice whether you want to or not. I will leave it to your choice since many poets don't do it for various purposes.


I'm sick of losing friends

Don't tell me I need

to smile more


I feel you.

I love the way you write poems. Thank you for the request! Please feel free to request again.

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29 Reviews


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Fri Apr 02, 2021 12:43 am
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mckaylaam wrote a review...



Hi there BrokenHeartsAri! I'm here to review your poem :-) I'll be addressing some things I liked, some things I think you could work on, and my overall thoughts!

First I'll address what I liked about your work here. I like how you had some repetition in this poem! You repeated "I'm sick of losing friends" three times, and it feels very well spaced-out to me, and I think it really emphasizes how much you're tired of experiencing things like this. I can definitely relate to your writing, in the way that I'm tired of losing friends/relationships after warning the other person about various things. I also relate to having to work all day every day, which I think puts some strain on my friendships with others who aren't as busy.

One thing that I think you could work on is just fixing some typos and adding in some more punctuation. Whenever you write " others' " in your poem, you don't need the apostrophe after the "s", so removing that would be an easy fix. I think adding some periods here and there would be helpful in just making your writing flow a little more, so that the reader knows where they can pause/take breaths. I thought it was interesting when you ended the line "Can't you see!" with an exclamation mark instead of a question mark, since it sounds more like a question. The last thing I wanted to address was the second line, when you wrote "Hold". To me, it sounds like there is a word missing (ex: it should say "hold on" or another word), so I wonder if you meant to write it like that or not.

Overall, you have a great poem here! I can feel the emotions you put into writing this piece, and I hope that you'll find some great friends who will stick around because you deserve that. Keep up the great work!




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Thu Apr 01, 2021 1:30 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Oh!!! I was just heart-broken. I know the pain of losing friends... Many of my best friends left school and that also without any warning. It left my heart broken. Your poem just reminded me of all those things! It just can't repair. Those bittersweet memories make us aware of their presence from time to time. They make us cry, they make us smile which in turn is followed by a heart-broken cry. I just can't cloak myself. I just can't wear a facade day and night and make me internally die. I just can't! I really can't!!!!!

I have 00 suggestions or nitpicks to give for your poem. It's just flawless. Keep writing!
~Forever






Thank you for the review




If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion.
— Noam Chomsky