Young Writers Society

I think this poem is about change and how we can embrace it in our lines.Horror and happiness of life can coexist.Life goes on no matter what happens.There are many questions to ask about life.We can’t spend time thinking,we must live life.I enjoyed reading this poem.This was a nice read.I hope you have a wonderful and amazing day and night!

Hey there! I noticed this poem has been in the green room for a bit, so I just thought I'd give it a review to bump it out!

Wow. I really enjoyed reading this poem. The rhyme scheme was fantastic, the environment you created was marvelous, the wordplay... it was absolutely stupendous. I like this sort of mystical abstract market you've created and then written a poem about. The characters within it were super cool, what with the Lady of Life and the Man Who Sells Death and the Girl Who Vends Time. It's really great, and you should definitely be proud of it.

I think one of my favorite things about this poem was the rhyme scheme. At first, I was a little put off by the fact that it switched stanza to stanza, but I think by the end I was vibing with it. I like the alternation between longer lines and shorter lines. The longer stanzas had a more sonnet vibe to them (I'm not sure if that was intentional) and you can even kind of read them in iambic pentameter, which was cool.

I think some of my favorite stanzas were the last one and also the first one, especially the lines "The Man Who Sells Death has a business of bombs ‘cause it’s booming/He’s got poisons and shotguns and greed and unkindness the same." I'm a sucker for clever wordplay like that. I also thought the stanza about the lady of life was so poetic and beautiful. The lines about death not truly being the end and about whole things that can't truly be broken were both sad and hopeful at the same time, and I thought it was absolutely lovely.

One thing I wondered about was the character of the Girl Who Vends Time. I feel like you mentioned both the Lady of Life and the Man Who Sells Death more than once in the poem, but she only got one small line. I wondered if you could perhaps reinforce her being there, since now it feels a little more trivial/only there for the sake of that one line. At least that was my opinion. Again, this is more my opinion, so feel free to disregard.

Specifics

So together the Lady of Life and the Man Who Sells Death

They sing sweet pleasantries as they walk arm in arm ‘til we’re gone

Hey there! I'm here to review your poem!

So, first of all, this is a really good poem!
I like the way you labeled things certain ways, such as "The Man Who Sells Death." It was a very interesting way of putting it, in my opinion.
I also didn't find any spelling mistakes (although I might have that wrong because I suck at spelling) or any other errors related to grammar, so that's also good.
I also like how you said things like "Those who are thoughtless can think beyond measure of thought." The lines like this leave multiple different ways to interpret them, and I think it's fun to try to figure out what authors mean, or if the author meant multiple meanings. It leaves the reader trying to solve a fun riddle, which is pretty cool.
Also, to add on to the awesomeness of your poem, it was extremely captivating. It really sucked me into it, and I know that many readers love it when that happens, so good work with that!

Now, the cons.
Luckily, I only found one con, so that means that you did a really great job!
The only con I found was that the wording would be slightly (but only slightly) confusing to some readers. For example, "dreamless dream" might cause some readers to think something along the lines of: "Wait, what? How can it be a dream, but there's no dream? That makes absolutely no sense." Those readers would probably be more of the practical sort that don't really appreciate works like this, though, so I don't think you have to worry about that too much.

Thanks for reading the review! I hope you have a fantastic day!