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My feelings is going to be the death of me

by QueenMadrose


 If you love yourself you wouldn't harm yourself

Well I guess I don't love myself enough

cause I put chemicals in my body,

I allow the drugs in my body,

I allow all the empathy

I allow them to take blood

I allow  voices that haunt me 

to destroy what was already fading

long ago

My mirror has been my long-lasting enemy

My knife is my best friend

My life is an accruing nightmare

Didn't I tell you'll this before, right?

that I'm met with this blind hesitation

that keeps me up at night

scraping feelings that I try to keep hidden

You will never know what's wrong

because I will never show

I will never express

because then it's all my fault



My head is screaming 

I can't be save

I've been doing this for years

I think I can do it for some more

So don't worry I'll keep saying 

I'm okay...

even though I'm not

I'll keep it up

only if it makes you feel better

I'll shut down any feelings

but I won't deny them

cause if I do that it makes it worse

I have a death wish that's waiting for me

so if you don't mind 

I need to practice my fake smile


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75 Reviews


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Wed Oct 13, 2021 6:28 pm
SadboyJay wrote a review...



Heyy ari i i'm here to give you a review

First ari you did pretty well with the writing and typing your poem in is really neat ari i would say is ari i really truly love your poems ari you always doing a great job ari with your work and ari just know that you are doing your job ari i im really happy that you are a poet you really a good poet ari just know that by heart ari

How you can improve ari is on doing collabs with people that need help ari and i i'm glad you doing well ari and i read your poems everyday ari and i had enjoyed y'all of them ari and hopefully you make some new ones

My compliment is ari how did you start being a poet ari and stuff i would like to know ari how did you start becoming a poet ari and yeah ari i love your work that you do all the time ari and yeah i will wish you the best luck ari

Keep Writing ari and your awesome ari!

-jay~




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Fri Mar 26, 2021 6:44 pm
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MapleWay wrote a review...



This was deep. The feelings coming off of this poem are so much to bear. I haven't felt these deep feelings myself but I can tell how painful it is to hold them. I also liked the bold text you used. It makes it seem more important than a regular poem. Which it is. Because it's more than just a poem. It's history. And I would tell you that you can fight it but that's not my decision. It's yours. So all I will say is, I hope you win the battle.

- MapleWay




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Thu Mar 25, 2021 2:08 pm
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LilPWilly says...



All this hits hard. Especially,
“I will never express
because then it's all my fault
My head is screaming
I can't be saved
I've been doing this for years”
I’ve never cut myself or taken drugs, but I know these feelings well. I know how real and overwhelming the pain is. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with them too.




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Thu Mar 25, 2021 1:40 pm
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stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Wow 11 seconds ago
First ;)

I'll put a little list of typos here

Did I tell you'll this before, right?

I can't be save


The bold format was pretty distracting at first, but I quickly got used to it, and it actually worked for the better as it makes your poem seem more crude, more grounded in reality. As if it was just brutally honest and not filled with sugarcoated words and emotions.

However I feel like that last line, the
I need to practice my Botox smile

line, pretty much came out of nowhere. I think Botox is something used in surgery, mainly face surgery, but it's not that that bugged me. The thing is you never mention anything outside of feelings. If you had previously named the bottle of pills, or named the chemicals in your body- it would've been more believable. I'm not sure if you get my meaning, but simply put, that line (in accordance with the style you displayed previously) should've been something like "I need to practice my fake smile". It's minor, but it's distracting.

I hope you're doing alright, and that you don't actually think of yourself this way. If you ever feel the need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me <3




QueenMadrose says...


Thanks for the review




May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death.
— An Unknown Bride, Leap Year