Hi Forever,
Mailice back with another short review!
First of all, I would like to say that this is a really beautiful title. It has a very nice sound and a great meaning.
When I started to read the poem, I didn't think to put myself on such a path now. My first impression is overwhelmingly positive, you manage to create a very oppressive atmosphere with the text and only as the end rises do you witness hope prevailing. I find it a unique poem in the sense of structure and narrative, it sounds like a cry for help that you hide behind a beautiful title.
The meaning of the text is quite obvious and you take the reader through the whole poem from beginning to end, like a home stretch, or like a seed growing out of the ground, if you want to follow the title. There are some parts that I find very extreme and others where I think it's really well written. As I said, I was very surprised as I wouldn't expect such writing from such a title.
There is one brief point I would like to make here that bothered me a little and slowed down the general reading flow here considerably.
It was dark, not even a ray of light
I tried hard to become light
Light - I do not simply mean light weighted
The leitmotif here is light, another term for hope, if you read a little between the lines, but I think you've been a little too frequent here with the structure and repetition of "light" in three consecutive lines. I think you could at least rewrite the "light" in the middle line a bit, or use a synonym to illustrate that.
Since the poem only allows for your own interpretation in a few places, I find the metaphors and brief moments of self-interpretation so exciting precisely because they shine out like light as hope in this bleak reality in which the narrator is trapped. You definitely left this effect of creating the text as something cruel and yet uplifting.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
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