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Hope is a seed that should be allowed to grow to infinity

by ForeverYoung299


I was there; in an unknown place

Tied in a plump chair that I could feel

I thought like they will cut my flesh

As it was just an act of reel

It was dark, not even a ray of light

I tried hard to become light

Light – I do not simply mean light weighted

I mean a wanted to become ignited

I wanted to become something 

Which could burn all of them

–All the evil.

Day and night I hoped. 

One day I saw a man 

Who seemed more evil 

Than anyone else. 

He brought me water in a steel bottle

And told, “Be ready.”

I took the bottle 

And beat him on his head.

He lied unconscious. 

I torn my rope with the knife he brought

And I escaped.

In my front, lied a future of hope

Which I had only hoped for these 10 years

Since I was kidnapped.


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Sun Sep 26, 2021 6:22 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Forever,

Mailice back with another short review! :D

First of all, I would like to say that this is a really beautiful title. It has a very nice sound and a great meaning.

When I started to read the poem, I didn't think to put myself on such a path now. My first impression is overwhelmingly positive, you manage to create a very oppressive atmosphere with the text and only as the end rises do you witness hope prevailing. I find it a unique poem in the sense of structure and narrative, it sounds like a cry for help that you hide behind a beautiful title.

The meaning of the text is quite obvious and you take the reader through the whole poem from beginning to end, like a home stretch, or like a seed growing out of the ground, if you want to follow the title. There are some parts that I find very extreme and others where I think it's really well written. As I said, I was very surprised as I wouldn't expect such writing from such a title.

There is one brief point I would like to make here that bothered me a little and slowed down the general reading flow here considerably.

It was dark, not even a ray of light
I tried hard to become light
Light - I do not simply mean light weighted

The leitmotif here is light, another term for hope, if you read a little between the lines, but I think you've been a little too frequent here with the structure and repetition of "light" in three consecutive lines. I think you could at least rewrite the "light" in the middle line a bit, or use a synonym to illustrate that.

Since the poem only allows for your own interpretation in a few places, I find the metaphors and brief moments of self-interpretation so exciting precisely because they shine out like light as hope in this bleak reality in which the narrator is trapped. You definitely left this effect of creating the text as something cruel and yet uplifting.


Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Sat Mar 13, 2021 1:35 am
MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey! MapleWay here with a quick review!

Wow. This poem was great, it felt so real. I could feel the protagonist's anger but they fought through it with hope. I loved how you used the analogy that they tried to become the light to fight off the darkness. And the only way they could do that was with hope. It's like the title said, "hope is a seed that should be allowed to grow to infinity."

Great poem! Can't wait for the next one!




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Tue Mar 09, 2021 10:39 am
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akanbright wrote a review...



Hope is not a grain of sand but an uprising of our different attitudes, confrontations exerted by what we hope to change either in the past, present or future.
Its a lovely poem and we seem not to forget that no matter the status of things around us, our idea of faith and hope can turn out to make a difference.
One may fathom that hope cannot rescue a kidnapped victim except a miracle but what if such a miracle is engineered by the hope of the victim and those concerned.
No matter where we find ourselves, the hope in us reflects the outcomes and possibilities of the future.






Thanks for the review



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Mon Mar 08, 2021 5:47 pm
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quitecontrary says...



I tried hard to become light

Light – I do not simply mean light weighted

I mean a wanted to become ignited

I wanted to become something

Which could burn all of them

–All the evil.

I love this part!! Your interpretation of "light" as something which not only shines but obliterates darkness makes this part so powerful. You did a great job, keep writing!






Thank you so much



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Mon Mar 08, 2021 4:14 pm
TheOffBroadwayAuthor wrote a review...



The title's a bit of a bait-and-switch, but that's whatever. I do, however, like that you just told a story. "Show, don't tell" doesn't apply to everything. You show emotions (happy, sad, angry), but you tell feelings (cold, tired, hungry). I try to be direct in poems about experiences and use my symbols and such in poems about feelings. But hey, that's more of an opinion than a rule. You told a really interesting story, and you said it in an interesting way! Thank you for your poem.






Thanks for the review. By the way, I am writing a novel. You can check out the chapters. It's name is Cortez Shivick





Alright! I'll do that



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Mon Mar 08, 2021 4:04 pm
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tweezers wrote a review...



'Ello!

I'm a little confused at how the title relates to the idea of kidnapping. If you're actively abducted and trying to escape, I can image how you'd have some hope, but this is set after our main character has been found / escaped on their own.

It's also a bit too long? I love long titles and I often use them too, but there is a difference between a title that is on the longer side because it fits with the imagery and wording and a title that is just long for the fun of it. This feels like it's just a long title to be a long title, which removes a lot of the originality that comes from titles like that.

Tied in a plump chair that I could feel


Not sure plump is the best word. I often say this to people writing chapters or short stories, but it works here too; show, don't tell. Describe what happens without just explaining it to the readers because being told everything ruins the fun of poetry.

One day I saw a man

Who seemed more evil

Than anyone else.


Again, not showing, just telling.

Here is an example of showing:
Her red noise sniffed and she rubbed her hands quickly.


Here is an example of telling:
She was cold.


Do you see the difference? A lot of imagery and big words can be overrated, so please don't force yourself to write these giant, flowery phrases full of words no one understands. Just try out some styles until you find one that works for you.

Good job!

lum






Thanks for the review




There’s always a story. It’s all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything’s got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.
— Terry Pratchett