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E - Everyone

On the Inside

by Emivanz1


On the outside

we all seem fine

on the outside

we all are in line

on the outside

we all fit the design

on the inside

we are not all fine

on the inside

we are not all in line

on the inside

we do not fit the design


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754 Reviews


Points: 11533
Reviews: 754

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Tue Feb 23, 2021 5:44 am
CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there Emivanz1 and welcome to YWS! I'm glad to see that as a new member to YWS you're already participating in our community as a reviewer and a poster to the literary section.

The main technical things going on in your poem is the formatting and then the subsequent capitalization choices that lead to a fair amount of confusion for the reader. I'm not sure if you did have formatting in this poem already and then the publishing center decided to take it out, but you can check out one of my recent tutorials on how to format poems in the publishing center. It explains one of the methods we have for working with spacing on YWS and you can always hit me up for further details.
How to Format Poetry on YWS

I have decided to copy your poem down here into the comment space to be able to work on it easier and I've formatted it how I would personally do it.

On the outside
we all seem fine

On the outside
we all are in line

On the outside
we all fit the design
~
On the inside
we are not all fine

On the inside
we are not all in line

On the inside
we do not fit the design


I'm very here and there on the amount of repetition in this poem. I think I would be more in favor of it if you had more padding in between the repetition and expanding your ideas may lead to more creative sparks. Repetition is something that should be used in moderation to hammer home the important points in a bigger poem so I view this as more of the skeleton of a poem than anything else.

There's not much more for me to say beyond these more technical points, but this is a good start. Just remember that it is a starting point to a bigger idea where you can stretch more into the concept of inside/outside. It's something that is often explored in poetry so I would suggest to start researching different metaphors that illustrate inside/outside. Then proceed from there to form a more complete thought about what you wanted to communicate to your audience.

Thanks for posting to YWS.
- Jack




Emivanz1 says...


Thank you for the review! I actually wrote it like that originally but it got messed up in the process.



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5 Reviews


Points: 550
Reviews: 5

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Tue Feb 23, 2021 2:10 am
MC wrote a review...



I really like this poem. I like the fact it's dark and is showing/telling us all a message.
I like the fact that it explains what we are on the outside. We all try to put up an act saying that we are fine, we are 'normal' and we are all the same on the outside. That we are all the same, all in line.
But the truth is we aren't. We all are different in many ways, We all can't fit in line on the inside or outside all the time, we don't look what others want us to look like. And it causes pain hence

we are not all fine.

Overall a good poem. And a good read.




Emivanz1 says...


Thank you so much!




When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann