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Mouse

by LilPWilly


I am a mouse in a land of giants with swollen necks and arms.

They roar at each other and at me in loud voices. I try my hardest, puff up my chest, and roar back, but I run out of breath, and they drown me out every time.

I met another mouse once, in a place called dreamland, but don’t be fooled by the name, there was never a place so real.

I loved her. She had pretty white fur that was well groomed and this pale brown spot around her eye that always made her self conscious, but she hid her anxiety flawlessly. I think I am the only person who ever knew. Of course I never told her, because I loved the time we spent in dreamland, and she might have dropped me off at my home on the ground.

She played with me in the clouds, but what she really wanted was to see the world, and they blocked her view.

Her friends were leopards and worms, and I don’t know if she could see how similar we were. But maybe I am a different creature than she is after all.

I always thought I was a mouse, but having lived so long with giants, I might have swollen into a rat. I wish I could see myself and be sure, but all the mirrors are made for giants and giant mirrors make everything look more massive than it really is. I don’t like to look in them.

Tell me, am I kidding myself? Sometimes I think that I want to be like that little mouse so badly that I pretend.

I’m lying down on a sponge in a giant sink. I’m a little soggy and cold, but I’m trying to rest. They come in and turn on the faucet now and again, saying “don’t sleep now, or you won’t be able to tonight.” But I could sleep all day.

The giants call me now, and it hurts my sensitive ears. I shiver. I worry that one more clumsy foot will make me indistinguishable from the bruised creatures they catch in traps.

Please anyone, don’t let this last forever. Someone come meet me and show me a home where I can be myself. Someone love me enough to slay these fee fie fo fiends and let me rest. Please, someone love me back to dreamland.

It’s funny, how I climb, slipping and sliding out of this hand washing bath to see the giants snoring in the front room. I return to the sponge, hoping my dreams are of her.


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1108 Reviews


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Tue Feb 23, 2021 5:20 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: So this was a really interesting story. I think I enjoyed reading it quite a bit and the way you've phrased some of this really does make me think this whole scenario is a very interesting take on a metaphor of this mouse and giants thing and I love that idea too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I am a mouse in a land of giants with swollen necks and arms.


Well...that's an interesting line to start with. It certainly does get your attention right away with the hole mouse declaration...let's see where this ends up going.

They roar at each other and at me in loud voices. I try my hardest, puff up my chest, and roar back, but I run out of breath, and they drown me out every time.


The whole puff up my chest part has be thinking the whole mouse thing is a metaphor for something else and I am liking that prospect, let's see where this goes I suppose.

I met another mouse once, in a place called dreamland, but don’t be fooled by the name, there was never a place so real.


And we have another very interesting line.

I loved her. She had pretty white fur that was well groomed and this pale brown spot around her eye that always made her self conscious, but she hid her anxiety flawlessly. I think I am the only person who ever knew. Of course I never told her, because I loved the time we spent in dreamland, and she might have dropped me off at my home on the ground.


Hmm...now that leaves room for some really interesting interpretations, although the literal meaning is kind of fun and also pretty deep at the same time as well...sooo...that's a full package there that paragraph.

She played with me in the clouds, but what she really wanted was to see the world, and they blocked her view.

Her friends were leopards and worms, and I don’t know if she could see how similar we were. But maybe I am a different creature than she is after all.


Leopards I sort of get but the worms just umm...throws me for a loop there...but okay....let's keep going I guess. This is getting really interesting now to be honest.

I always thought I was a mouse, but having lived so long with giants, I might have swollen into a rat. I wish I could see myself and be sure, but all the mirrors are made for giants and giant mirrors make everything look more massive than it really is. I don’t like to look in them.

Tell me, am I kidding myself? Sometimes I think that I want to be like that little mouse so badly that I pretend.


Well, that was quite the plot twist, I certainly wasn't expecting that to happen there, but it did soo...interesting.

I’m lying down on a sponge in a giant sink. I’m a little soggy and cold, but I’m trying to rest. They come in and turn on the faucet now and again, saying “don’t sleep now, or you won’t be able to tonight.” But I could sleep all day.


Well that sounds human now...I'm sensing that's just in a very bad situation..

The giants call me now, and it hurts my sensitive ears. I shiver. I worry that one more clumsy foot will make me indistinguishable from the bruised creatures they catch in traps.

Please anyone, don’t let this last forever. Someone come meet me and show me a home where I can be myself. Someone love me enough to slay these fee fie fo fiends and let me rest. Please, someone love me back to dreamland.


Wow...we're ending on quite a sad note there...very desperate sounding plea for help there and you can detect just a bit of genuine emotion in there which is quite interesting to see, that's for sure.

It’s funny, how I climb, slipping and sliding out of this hand washing bath to see the giants snoring in the front room. I return to the sponge, hoping my dreams are of her.


Oh dear...well...I think that's a fitting end at any rate.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was a really fun story to read and I think the concept is also quite a lot of fun to explore so, yeah this was a nice story, and I liked it...that's about all I have to say.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




LilPWilly says...


Thanks Harry! Yes it%u2019s a deep and personal poem. Much of it has a literal meaning in my life. %u2018Her friends%u2019 are leopards and worms more or less because of where they are in the human food chain, if that makes sense. She%u2019s friends with people who are insecure, but they either hide it by grooming and being a predator like a leopard would, or they are unable to protect themselves like a worm. No offense to them, they%u2019re actually really good friends. I hope you enjoyed unpacking the rest loll



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Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:13 pm
illy7896 wrote a review...



This is a really metaphorical story. It's very abstract and mysterious, and I think that you could make a real story from this. I love the way that you have delicately put it, and the way that you are the mouse and they are the giants, and in some way, the giants are kind. But so big and loud. It's relatable. And also, the way that you have really written in the perspective of a mouse: being on a sponge in the sink, the mirrors are too large, is very effective.

Could you use more variation in sentences? I think that 'I' is repeated a lot and perhaps you could maybe change the structures of your phrases, or you could add more immersive language to describe and speculate on the environment to get the audience into the atmosphere of the story. What were the clouds like? How did you act when you were around the other mouse?

I loved this piece of writing and I find it very surreal and imaginative. I enjoyed reading this.




LilPWilly says...


Thank you so much! That is good advice. Maybe I will elaborate, make a short novel. I would certainly have to take your advice. I%u2019ll do it if I find the time



illy7896 says...


I'm glad that I could help:)




I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.
— Walt Disney