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Ch 10: The poem competition: concealment of the truth

by ForeverYoung299


It’s the poem writing and reciting competition. Almost all have brought their writings except Marie. Not the nib of the pen, but the nib of her had dried up thinking what to write.

She was sitting beside Marley, who was staring at the speaker wondering what to do. “Marie. I can’t. My throat is drying up.” said she.

“What? Why? What’s wrong?”Marie replied.

“I haven’t spoken in the front of a mic any day. It’s the first time. Please help me.”

An idea was forming within Marie’s head. She told, “ok. Then you don’t have to go.”

“But I don’t want to waste my writing. I have an idea… you please recite it.”

“What!” said Marie shockingly.

“Yes. please. You are a friend of mine.”

“Ok. ok. Can I read your poem once?” Marie said hesitatingly as she was afraid of those hard words that she might have to see.

“Yeah. of course” Marley replied handing over the paper to Marie.

Marie began reading-

“Night-Time

The Sun goes down the horizon

And leads to the beautiful recolorization

Of the unending sky

As if it is shy

The trees begin to swirl… Marley, what do you mean by ‘swirl’?”

“It means to move quickly with a twisting, circular movement”

“Ok. thanks.”

The teacher called, “next”. Realizing she was the only one left, Marie got up to the stage.

She started, “The Sun goes down the horizon

And leads to the beautiful recolorization

Of the unending sky

As if it is shy

The trees begin to swirl in the wind

And the birds undisciplined

Fly back to their nests.

The reflection of the Sunset

On the lake is great

Streets are lit up

And the malls filled up

With thousands of busy customers

Most of them- strangers.

Students going to tutors

To be record-breakers

Many returning from office

to keep their promise.

The sky darkens and the stars do fashions

As if one has sprinkled glitter

over a black paper

The moon becomes visible

And it moves in such a way that it seems it's our movable partner.

‘The queen of the night’ bloom

To help us overcome the gloom

People eat dinner

With the TV open in front

And then it's time

For a long lying”

When she finished, the whole classroom was filled with the sounds of applause. More than Marie, Marley was filled with amazement. She was puzzled about her writing- did she write that much well. Probably not. All are doing it just to encourage Marie.

***

“So. today we will declare the results of the poem competition. At first all the winners of each class and then of the whole school. Ok?” said the Principal in the assembly.

“Ok, ma’am.” shouted the whole school in reply.

“So, class 1- Sophia.. 1st”

There was a massive round of applause but Marie didn’t participate in it because it reminded her of that villain. Her name was also Sophia. Marie looked at the girl when she received the prize from the principal. Marie identified the girl- she was the one who used to come to Marie during the recess(Marie is not aware why that girl liked her so much) until a few days.

Gradually, the announcement of class five took place. “ 1st Marie” the principal announced shockingly. Marie herself was shocked. She didn’t understand that she should be happy or sad. At first, she thought that she shouldn’t be happy because it was written by Marley. The next moment, she thought that she should be happy because she was the one who read the poem in front of the class- she also deserves the credit.

Finally, she went to the stage to take the prize when the Principal announced her name for the second time. Marley stared at Marie trying hard to resist herself from speaking the truth.

The principal continued “Class six first- Ross… class 12 first Lilian. Now, we have completed the announcement of class winners. It’s time for the school winner. So what do you think, who is that lucky one? One thing to specify is I will award the one who wrote something extraordinary for her age.”

There were many names. Most of the students suggested students from their class only.

The principal announced, “ so the winner is -who? - Marie”

Marie was not that shocked that Marley was seriously much above her age since she saw her reading that 1000 pages book. Marie went up to take the medal and also the scholarship.

Marley couldn’t believe herself- neither her eyes nor her ears. First of all, she didn’t write so well. Secondly, who deserves this award? Marie or she? As for her, she deserves it because she was the one who wrote it. She thought about how Marie would use the scholarship? Would she really study? If she did get the scholarship she would have bought a couple of philosophical books to read because she doesn't know much about the subject.

By the time all announcements have finished. The bell also rang but Marley was in her dreamland. “ Marley. Marley. What happened to you? Why are you not talking?” Said Marie shaking Marley vigorously.

“ yes. What will you do with the scholarship? ” answered Marley coming out of the half-conscious state.

“ me? I don't need the scholarship. I am planning to give it to you. We will part our prizes because we have half credits. You wrote it, I recited it.”

“ Really? Will you really give me? I would be extremely thankful if you do so. ”

“ Why do? I am doing it. ” said Marie handing over the scholarship to Marley.


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Fri Sep 24, 2021 7:02 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hm, well this was an interesting scene here. It totally manges to disregard the previous bit of cheating Marie did...so it kinda feels like that's just as unresolved as the prank thing...but well, we've another fun situation and I think this was well presented although this now feels like three separate small plots from a collection of short stories that happen to be connected to each other rather than a full novel.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It’s the poem writing and reciting competition. Almost all have brought their writings except Marie. Not the nib of the pen, but the nib of her had dried up thinking what to write.

She was sitting beside Marley, who was staring at the speaker wondering what to do. “Marie. I can’t. My throat is drying up.” said she.

“What? Why? What’s wrong?”Marie replied.

“I haven’t spoken in the front of a mic any day. It’s the first time. Please help me.”


Okay....well, this is interesting, looks like both the friends are in a spot of trouble here, although Marie appears to have simply not been prepared for what she needs to do while Marley here is actually experiencing some unfortunate trouble thre.

An idea was forming within Marie’s head. She told, “ok. Then you don’t have to go.”

“But I don’t want to waste my writing. I have an idea… you please recite it.”

“What!” said Marie shockingly.

“Yes. please. You are a friend of mine.”

“Ok. ok. Can I read your poem once?” Marie said hesitatingly as she was afraid of those hard words that she might have to see.


I have a feeling I know exactly what the idea currently forming in Marie's head might and I get the feeling that maybe she's going to do some more cheating here somehow thanks to the convenient opportunity that Marley has accidentally provided here. Also the nod to the big words from earlier is pretty funny there.

When she finished, the whole classroom was filled with the sounds of applause. More than Marie, Marley was filled with amazement. She was puzzled about her writing- did she write that much well. Probably not. All are doing it just to encourage Marie.


Hmm, I think that whole song recital part was a decent piece there..although how the teachers didn't notice that Marley didn't recite a poem and do anything about it and check in there is a bit concerning I know I'm being nitpicky...but yeah, I feel like they got away with that wayy to easily.

“So. today we will declare the results of the poem competition. At first all the winners of each class and then of the whole school. Ok?” said the Principal in the assembly.

“Ok, ma’am.” shouted the whole school in reply.

“So, class 1- Sophia.. 1st”

There was a massive round of applause but Marie didn’t participate in it because it reminded her of that villain. Her name was also Sophia. Marie looked at the girl when she received the prize from the principal. Marie identified the girl- she was the one who used to come to Marie during the recess(Marie is not aware why that girl liked her so much) until a few days.


Okay....well this sounds like a classic awards ceremony here, this is off to a nice little start, and I have a feeling there might just be a little bit of a prize headed Marie's way too considering the entire class was clapping like that earlier.

Gradually, the announcement of class five took place. “ 1st Marie” the principal announced shockingly. Marie herself was shocked. She didn’t understand that she should be happy or sad. At first, she thought that she shouldn’t be happy because it was written by Marley. The next moment, she thought that she should be happy because she was the one who read the poem in front of the class- she also deserves the credit.


Okay...well, interesting to see some conflicting emotions there in Marie, she realizes that she doesn't deserve the award all by herself there as she goes to take the prize, that shows she does have a sense of fairness there and that's great to see.

Finally, she went to the stage to take the prize when the Principal announced her name for the second time. Marley stared at Marie trying hard to resist herself from speaking the truth.

The principal continued “Class six first- Ross… class 12 first Lilian. Now, we have completed the announcement of class winners. It’s time for the school winner. So what do you think, who is that lucky one? One thing to specify is I will award the one who wrote something extraordinary for her age.”


OKayy..well I have a sneaking suspicion that I know who's going to end up with that prize, judging by the direction that this particular thing appears to be headed in here...and well it certainly makes things very interesting.

There were many names. Most of the students suggested students from their class only.

The principal announced, “ so the winner is -who? - Marie”

Marie was not that shocked that Marley was seriously much above her age since she saw her reading that 1000 pages book. Marie went up to take the medal and also the scholarship.


Yup...that's about what I thought would happen, now let's see if Marie acknowledges the fact that this is all Marley's effort that she's winning these prizes for...her thoughts during the prize is one thing, but with a scholarship that might change things.

Marley couldn’t believe herself- neither her eyes nor her ears. First of all, she didn’t write so well. Secondly, who deserves this award? Marie or she? As for her, she deserves it because she was the one who wrote it. She thought about how Marie would use the scholarship? Would she really study? If she did get the scholarship she would have bought a couple of philosophical books to read because she doesn't know much about the subject.

By the time all announcements have finished. The bell also rang but Marley was in her dreamland. “ Marley. Marley. What happened to you? Why are you not talking?” Said Marie shaking Marley vigorously.


Hmm, looks like Marley is a bit shell shocked at the idea of what might happen to the prize money that Marie won. It looks like she clearly doesn't expect to receive anything from Marie.

“ yes. What will you do with the scholarship? ” answered Marley coming out of the half-conscious state.

“ me? I don't need the scholarship. I am planning to give it to you. We will part our prizes because we have half credits. You wrote it, I recited it.”

“ Really? Will you really give me? I would be extremely thankful if you do so. ”

“ Why do? I am doing it. ” said Marie handing over the scholarship to Marley.


Oooh, so Marie does end up splitting the prize after all. I don't think I was expecting her to do that...but well, this just reinforces the lovely friendship that these two seem to share here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was a sweet little scene here...and although the overall plot itself seems a bit wonky, I'm loving these moments that you're creating and the friendship on display between these two characters.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Hey thanks for the review!
And xd, seems like they can make a series of short stories. :D



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!! :D



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Wed Sep 08, 2021 6:23 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Forever,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This was a great chapter in the sense that I haven't read a poem in a novel yet that was also developed in such a way that you really enjoyed it. The chapter had some really great highlights, especially how you managed to introduce Marley's fear well in the dialogues - or is it more a kind of stage fright? You could really see the friendship that exists between Marie and Marley and how the two friends complement each other in that respect.

Sometimes you still have to be careful, because there are some spelling mistakes now and then, where I think you can eliminate them with some kind of proofreading. You always have to tell yourself that people will read it, and the fewer spelling mistakes you find, the better. :D I don't know if I've written it to you there before in a previous review, but if you let the text rest for a while (a few hour or days), the knowledge of it that you wrote is not as fresh as five minutes afterwards, which helps to find the mistakes.

What I also really liked was the winner's award. It was really excellently put together and I really enjoyed reading it. I thought it was a very great and fun chapter in general and as I said, I didn't think the poem was bad either. A straight interpretation would probably lead to another review. :D
Other points that stood out to me.

It's the poem writing and reciting competition. Almost all have brought their writings except Marie. Not the nib of the pen, but the nib of her had dried up thinking what to write.


Your beginnings have something concrete and quick. It is, as mentioned before - very much like a play, where you just say where they are and how the characters are feeling.

"I haven't spoken in the front of a mic any day.

Shouldn't it be "I have never spoken in front of a mic" or "I have never used a mic"?

"What!"

A question mark is more appropriate than an exclamation mark.

She was puzzled about her writing- did she write that much well.

The second half sounds a bit unpolished and I think a question mark is missing there too.

Marie didn't participate in it because it reminded her of that villain.

I would remove the "that". As a reader, it seems to me that Marie has a handful of villains at school, but you haven't introduced them yet.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Mon Feb 22, 2021 8:53 am
ImaginativeAlice wrote a review...



Hey, Alice is here to give a review!!!

I think I missed this chapter of your novel, so here I am to review it! It was a unique way to include a poem in your writing, by the way, the poem is well written. And everything else was nice.

“What? Why? What’s wrong?”Marie replied.


It would have been better if you would have used Marie asked instead of "Marie replied

“Yes. please. You are a friend of mine.”

Here, after "Yes" there should be a comma instead of a full stop.

“Ok. ok. Can I read your poem once?”


It will be better if you used an exclamatory mark instead of the full stops like this:

“Ok! Ok! Can I read your poem once?”


“ Why do? I am doing it,” said Marie handing over the scholarship to Marley.


Well, I quite don't understand this dialogue

Overall the chapter was great. I enjoyed reading it!

Bye!!!






Thanks for the review



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Thu Feb 11, 2021 6:38 pm
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illy7896 wrote a review...



This is a sweet chapter, and resembles how kind-hearted Marie is.
Could you describe what scholarship that Marley had won? Would it be an English scholarship, grammer scholarship?
Additionally, did anybody congratulate Marie, where did the students read their poetry?

'More than Marie, Marley was filled with amazement. She was puzzled about her writing- did she write that much well. Probably not. All are doing it just to encourage Marie.'
I thought that this line described Marley's thoughts effectively. However, maybe you could put a question mark in this sentence: did she write that well?

I think that the poem is suitable

I enjoyed reading this :)






thanks for your review.



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Thu Feb 11, 2021 2:39 pm
ForeverYoung299 says...



author's note-

is the poem suitable? actually, I am not that good at writing poems





A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer.
— Dean Acheson