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Ch 6: Protest of class 5

by ForeverYoung299


The second period- social science. A towering woman entered the class. The whole class stood up and wished her good morning. “Marie, please come here,” she asked. Marie almost wriggled from the bench. She thought that this teacher, i.e. Emma …. too will be like the earlier teacher. The teacher started, “Are you feeling good in this school?”. Marie heaved a sigh of relief. She gathered immense courage and told, “ ma’am my classmates are very good and friendly… but that teacher, our maths teacher…”

“Oh. please. Please. Don’t tell. You can tell me about anybody except her. I hate her.”

“We too hate her. Ma’am, I have a question can I?”

“If it’s related to her you can’t”

“Ma'am, why does no one complains about her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ma’am, will it be right of us to complain?”

“I think yes.”

“Then we will complain”

“Ok. Ok. now go to your seat. Already 10 minutes over. We have to finish our syllabus.”

Marie was at least convinced that all the teachers are not like that villain. But now she has another question in her head- why does Emma hate that villain? Only for her behavior or any other matter?

The class began… Emma said, “So today, we will continue with natural resources. So what are natural resources? Anything obtained from nature…” She gave a long monologue and at last, the bell rang. She went out and then there was a whoop of delight- it’s the short tiffin break. Again, all surrounded Marie asking her different questions… but she told, “I will answer all your questions, but first of all tell me will you go with me?”

“Where?”

“Principal’s office to complain”

“Why will we complain? About whom?”

“Oh my god- you all forgot? About that villain… by the way what’s her name?”

“....”

“Whatever, will you go or not?”

Some eyes met each other and then finally looked towards Marie in a bewildered way. She continued, “What’s wrong? Will you not go?” one came and told in an unmannerly tune, “No. I will not go. Do whatever you want. Hey all, I say, you shouldn’t go. Then, she will not say anything and you would be in trouble.” and walked out in an over-confident way. A few students- probably the followers of that ill-mannered one followed her. Marie ululated, “Now, will you all follow her or will you go with me?”. All decided to go putting their luck to uncertainty.

After a few minutes, they were complaining to the principal about that villain. “Ok. Ok. I see. I will take the necessary actions. but, I have a simple question. If you can answer my question, I will see. how do I know you all are telling the truth?”

“Ma’am in c.c.t.v camera” answered Marley, the student who Marie thought was the wisest in the class. Marley was also angry with that villain because it is for her only that she had to copy all the answers in 57 notebooks.

“ Yes! I got my answer. Now, I will investigate. Um… You pupil can come during the long tiffin break. I will take a step. ”

“ Ok. Thank you, Ma'am” Shouted all together.

When this proud group was returning to the class, the rude ones were peeping from inside a junior class and hoping that if they had gone with them, they could also have been a part of this proud march.

Then, there was the English class. One bleached hair woman entered the class. To Marie, it seemed that the age of the woman was not exceeding 30. “So today we will talk about sentences. You all know what sentences are… no need to introduce them also… whatever, how are you all doing?” she told. Marie had never seen a teacher asking this sort of question… she was quite amazed by her. She continued, “Petra, how are you doing?”

The student sitting on the left side of the first bench stood up and answered, “Great. Your class is the best in the day.”

“Thanks, thanks, sit down. Bertha, what about you?”

“I am fine Ma’am.” All these continued for quite some time. Then, she looked at the watch and then said “Ok. so let us go to the new girl- Marie, how are you?”

Marie was desperately trying to remember those hard hard names of her classmates. But, she was able to remember only a few clearly, a few vaguely and some names got no existence in her memory. As she was thinking all these, she missed the phrase new girl and to her, it appeared that the teacher was looking at somebody else. She asked, “ Is there anybody except me named Marie in this class? ”

The teacher answered, “ No. I am asking you only. ”

“ Me? I love this school ma'am. It's a great place for me… ” the bell rang and she couldn't complete it. By the time, she was quite curious about that English teacher- how she teaches? She didn't teach anything. Then?

The next class- the drawing class. Marie was not at all interested in this class and she enthusiastically waited for the bell to ring. At last, it rang. She had identified the art teacher as someone who always finds art in each and every thing, even in a dust particle! She wasn't fond of these sorts of people.

A whole group, with tension in everyone's face, went to the principal's office. Marie noticed that the villain was sitting in a chair beside the principal and when they entered the room her killer eyes were fixed at Marie as if a fire will come out within a few seconds from her eyes.

“ Marie, I am proud of you. You are really good. You helped an entire school. I didn't know that she was like this! I have given her the last warning… if she continues to do such sort of things, please inform me. No, I will not allow any cruelty in my school. Is that clear to you?” yelled Miss Adena.

“Yes, ma’am” frightfully replied that villain.

“Keep in mind what you told”

The victorious group marched towards their class and almost the whole school stared at them thinking if they too could have been a part of it. 


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Mon Sep 20, 2021 7:17 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm, this was a very interesting chapter, we have Marie be introduced to most of the other teachers and we get to see how each of them are compared to the crue maths teacher...and then we have a bit of a victory for Marie and the class which was actually a pretty awesome moment.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The second period- social science. A towering woman entered the class. The whole class stood up and wished her good morning. “Marie, please come here,” she asked. Marie almost wriggled from the bench. She thought that this teacher, i.e. Emma …. too will be like the earlier teacher. The teacher started, “Are you feeling good in this school?”. Marie heaved a sigh of relief. She gathered immense courage and told, “ ma’am my classmates are very good and friendly… but that teacher, our maths teacher…”

“Oh. please. Please. Don’t tell. You can tell me about anybody except her. I hate her.”


Oooh, well well, the maths teacher appears to be that teacher in the school where literally everyone hates her...oooh, definitely interesting. Also I love to see the contrast here with this teacher who appears to actually be someone that cares about the students.

“We too hate her. Ma’am, I have a question can I?”

“If it’s related to her you can’t”

“Ma'am, why does no one complains about her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ma’am, will it be right of us to complain?”

“I think yes.”

“Then we will complain”

“Ok. Ok. now go to your seat. Already 10 minutes over. We have to finish our syllabus.”


Hmm, not sure if that is the sort of conversation that would take ten minutes, but I do like this little bit of dialogue, it suggests some potentially interesting things to come...although I will say its a bit unprofessional of this teacher to bad mouth her colleagues along with a student, as a teacher she kind of has to try and not state opinions like that with a student, but otherwise..this is proving to be interesting now.

Marie was at least convinced that all the teachers are not like that villain. But now she has another question in her head- why does Emma hate that villain? Only for her behavior or any other matter?

The class began… Emma said, “So today, we will continue with natural resources. So what are natural resources? Anything obtained from nature…” She gave a long monologue and at last, the bell rang. She went out and then there was a whoop of delight- it’s the short tiffin break. Again, all surrounded Marie asking her different questions… but she told, “I will answer all your questions, but first of all tell me will you go with me?”


Hmm...Okayyy...this part sped up kind of too fast here...the teaching part was a bit half hearted in the way that it was described, I think you could do a much better job is you simply timeskip through this here. Also its a bit weird that all the children rush towards Marie to ask questions? Is it because she's new and they want to know more about her?

“Where?”

“Principal’s office to complain”

“Why will we complain? About whom?”

“Oh my god- you all forgot? About that villain… by the way what’s her name?”

“....”

“Whatever, will you go or not?”


Oooh, looks like she's organizing a group of kids to go storm the principal's office and complain about the conduct of the maths teacher here, this is quite interesting, to see here really trying to make a bit of a stand here.

Some eyes met each other and then finally looked towards Marie in a bewildered way. She continued, “What’s wrong? Will you not go?” one came and told in an unmannerly tune, “No. I will not go. Do whatever you want. Hey all, I say, you shouldn’t go. Then, she will not say anything and you would be in trouble.” and walked out in an over-confident way. A few students- probably the followers of that ill-mannered one followed her. Marie ululated, “Now, will you all follow her or will you go with me?”. All decided to go putting their luck to uncertainty.

After a few minutes, they were complaining to the principal about that villain. “Ok. Ok. I see. I will take the necessary actions. but, I have a simple question. If you can answer my question, I will see. how do I know you all are telling the truth?”


Okay....so hmm, so she managed to convince all the kids after all, although I will say this isn't terribly clear about it, it kind of rushed the dialogue somewhat. The sudden switch to the principle's office is also a bit well...sudden. I feel compared to the last chapter, the pacing here has gotten a bit worse...and it probably has to do with how many different places these kids need to be. That is something I notice throughout this story. You've got a bit of trouble when it comes to characters moving from place to place, but hmm this is definitely much more improved in Cehyn in the Earth :D

“Ma’am in c.c.t.v camera” answered Marley, the student who Marie thought was the wisest in the class. Marley was also angry with that villain because it is for her only that she had to copy all the answers in 57 notebooks.

“ Yes! I got my answer. Now, I will investigate. Um… You pupil can come during the long tiffin break. I will take a step. ”

“ Ok. Thank you, Ma'am” Shouted all together.


That is kind of a lot of children to squeeze into one office and then celebrate together, but ahh, I can see this is a story that's not quite meant to be thaaat serious, so I will let this slide cause it is a really fun scene to imagine this happening in real life.

Then, there was the English class. One bleached hair woman entered the class. To Marie, it seemed that the age of the woman was not exceeding 30. “So today we will talk about sentences. You all know what sentences are… no need to introduce them also… whatever, how are you all doing?” she told. Marie had never seen a teacher asking this sort of question… she was quite amazed by her. She continued, “Petra, how are you doing?”

The student sitting on the left side of the first bench stood up and answered, “Great. Your class is the best in the day.”


Hmm, okay, this seems like the teacher that seems to focus the most on the students here, love to see this little contrast built up here, just so we get to see whose a normal teacher by Marie's standards, who's a horrible teacher, and who's a really good teacher.

Marie was desperately trying to remember those hard hard names of her classmates. But, she was able to remember only a few clearly, a few vaguely and some names got no existence in her memory. As she was thinking all these, she missed the phrase new girl and to her, it appeared that the teacher was looking at somebody else. She asked, “ Is there anybody except me named Marie in this class? ”

The teacher answered, “ No. I am asking you only. ”


Hmm, well that's an understandable confusion, but its interesting that she's think of that of all things. From her character so far, she doesn't seem to be the person that would overthink like she does in this situation.

“ Me? I love this school ma'am. It's a great place for me… ” the bell rang and she couldn't complete it. By the time, she was quite curious about that English teacher- how she teaches? She didn't teach anything. Then?


OKay...wow that class ended really fast...but hmm, so it looks like the English teacher at least for the first class didn't actually teach anything, so that's interesting, I wonder if she's someone that might be a bit lazy at her job.

The next class- the drawing class. Marie was not at all interested in this class and she enthusiastically waited for the bell to ring. At last, it rang. She had identified the art teacher as someone who always finds art in each and every thing, even in a dust particle! She wasn't fond of these sorts of people.


Okay...this running commentary of classes is a bit fun, but I feel like these are in a bit of a bad spot here, these bits aren't short enough to be taken as a sort of general highlight reel nor are they properly fleshed out, I think you need to figure out which direction you want to lean in and go ahead there, cause right now its a bit of an awkward middle state.

A whole group, with tension in everyone's face, went to the principal's office. Marie noticed that the villain was sitting in a chair beside the principal and when they entered the room her killer eyes were fixed at Marie as if a fire will come out within a few seconds from her eyes.

“ Marie, I am proud of you. You are really good. You helped an entire school. I didn't know that she was like this! I have given her the last warning… if she continues to do such sort of things, please inform me. No, I will not allow any cruelty in my school. Is that clear to you?” yelled Miss Adena.


Oooh, looks like the principal does the right thing...oh my gosh, this has to be a first in a story, I've never seen the protagonists complaints to a figure of authority actually be respected on the first try, this is actually an awesomely unique part about this plotline here...I love that...although now I am worried about what this teacher might do here.

“Yes, ma’am” frightfully replied that villain.

“Keep in mind what you told”

The victorious group marched towards their class and almost the whole school stared at them thinking if they too could have been a part of it.


Oooh...well well, they are victorious for now, but I can't help but feel that something is about to go wrong, we're only halfway through the story, so this can't be the last of the problems here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a pretty solid looking piece right here...I actually quite enjoyed reading this here piece...like I mention above, it has its issues, but the plot itself is actually kinda good, if you could iron out some of these pacing issues and add some descriptions, this could make for a really good story. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Tue Sep 07, 2021 6:20 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Forever,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Let's start right away with what I noticed positively, and what I kind of like a lot; your dialogues. Sometimes they are written a bit naively or inappropriately, considering who is speaking, but in general I think they resemble a play, where the dialogue can be written in the same way. Have you ever tried writing a play?

It was an interesting chapter. I liked the idea of the teachers and how Marie sees it. But I also thought it felt a bit rushed at times; the teacher comes in and then a dialogue starts right away. Then I wonder if the teachers aren't already talking when they're standing in front of the door. :D Again, I would try to remember that not every sentence has to present a certain amount of time, but sometimes you can write a paragraph that only lasts a few seconds or even hours.

The story reminds me banally of a story I once wrote when I was younger about a schoolgirl, where a bit of her everyday life was presented. But since I never got further than the sixth chapter (which is where we are now), I think it's good that you're working on it for so long. :D What else I liked was how you added several dialogues to some sections to build up a kind of "little climax". I think that's a good way to show a certain dynamic and "closure".

Other points that stood out to me:

The second period- social science.

If you're going to break off the sentence so easily and make it a verbless sentence, I'd put it in a stand-alone paragraph so you can see that it's kind of "between the title and the text."

She thought that this teacher, i.e. Emma .... too will be like the earlier teacher.

I didn't understand why this i.e. Emma was inserted. It seems like you got the structure a little bit wrong.

"Ma'am in c.c.t.v camera

I have no idea what that is. :D

those hard names of her classmates.

I would add a comma between the "hard hard".

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Thu Feb 11, 2021 4:11 am
Nightingale06 wrote a review...



I liked this chapter but I saw a grammatical error. You wrote "why does no one complains about her" It should be complain, not complains. But other than that I did not find anything else. You have now begun to create suspense, I feel. You showed the English teacher as so,done different and fascinating. Keep going on like this, it is getting interesting!






Thanks for the feedback. If you have time, read the rest of the chapters as well.





Sure



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Wed Feb 10, 2021 2:52 pm
sunlightwarriorxo wrote a review...



Hi,
This is a great follow up chapter - your language and imagery give a strong foundation for the emotions that you're trying to convey, however my tips (suggested of course) for refining and editing would be to focus on maintaining a consistent tense (you seem to alternate between past and present frequently - to prevent me from doing this I use the chrome extension, Pro Writing Aid to help me eliminate issues such as passive voice and tense jumps). Another tip I would like to give, is to possibly expand on the description of the "towering woman" you mention - its fantastic you make her clear as intimidating but adding aspects of description could really bring your piece alive. However, aside from that, it's a great chapter, there's great characterisaton and dialogue - which is brilliant. You definitely show much potential as a writer - so please keep writing :)






thanks for your worthy review. I would definitely try pro writing aid.



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Tue Feb 09, 2021 12:14 pm
illy7896 wrote a review...



I love the way you have added more description within your story, and have started to introduce important characters, and I can already identify certain friendships bound to be made and certain problems that they will overcome in future chapters. Now, Marie's identity is starting to be formed, and I can get a sense that she is a strong character.
Maybe instead of giving the teachers first names, give us their second names which is a lot more formal and appropriate when addressing a teacher, especially with the bad one because applying surnames can be a lot more intimidating.
I also love the fact that Marie was not put off by the unmannered student, and already has made a couple of alliances, and additionally has earned even the respect of the rude children, and one can only guess what they'll do next to get back at her.
Maybe you could give us his name, and a description of the unmannered kid: what was he like in class? Did others like him? Was he a popular bully or a resented child? This could give an opportunity to the audience to create their own opinion about him, and for the reader to have their own chance to do some character building- give a wider opinion on him.
Additionally, why did she identify Marley as the wise one? What about them appealed to Marie for them to be wise? Were they good at class, did they not gossip when others did?

Enjoyed reading this piece :)






in the earlier chapter, I provided with the reason that why Marley is the wisest- she was the only one who could solve all the sums... thank you for your review. next part coming soon





in the earlier chapter, I provided with the reason that why Marley is the wisest- she was the only one who could solve all the sums... thank you for your review. next part coming soon

earlier would be last.



illy7896 says...


Awesome, I'm glad that I could help :)



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Tue Feb 09, 2021 9:22 am
illy7896 says...



Your story keeps on improving with each chapter!! I don't have time to do a review now, but will do asap when I can :)






ok. waiting for your review.%uD83D%uDE03



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Tue Feb 09, 2021 9:18 am
ImaginativeAlice wrote a review...



Hey Alice is here to give a review!!!

This was a great chapter with all the classes of different subjects. The chapters are improving day by day, there aren't many grammatical mistakes as far as I can see. Well done with the diologues. And the descriptions of the teachers were well written. I think every class has different type of teacher like this, so relatable!!!

A TINY MINY MISTAKE

Marie as if a fire will come out within a few seconds from her eyes.


'will' should be 'would'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh my god- you all forgot? About that villain… by the way what’s her name?”

“....”

“Whatever, will you go or not?”


So the name of the teacher is not mentioned, so is there any kind of suspense of her name? Is it related to why the social study teacher hate her? Hope I get my answers in the next chapters.

“ Marie, I am proud of you. You are really good. You helped an entire school. I didn't know that she was like this! I have given her the last warning… if she continues to do such sort of things, please inform me. No, I will not allow any cruelty in my school. Is that clear to you?” yelled Miss Adena.


I hope our principal could have been this understanding. Why she thinks that every time its the child mistake only! Well forget it, this principal is the role model for them.

Hope to see the next chapters in the green room soon!!!
Bye!!!






I hope our principal could have been this understanding. Why she thinks that every time its the child mistake only! Well forget it, this principal is the role model for them.


thanks for this one. actually, I wrote it thinking about what you have mentioned in the review.



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Tue Feb 09, 2021 4:42 am
ForeverYoung299 says...



author's note:

it will be helpful if you can suggest a more suitable title





cron
Writing is the geometry of the soul.
— Plato