z

Young Writers Society


12+

A new year's murder

by Teddybear


The clock struck twelve and...Bang!

Fireworks exploded overhead, a jovial display of sparkling colors and celebration. A new year, a new beginning. Fireworks set on a timer to mark the moment everything was meant to change. It was a stark contrast to the scene Officer Sanches overlooked.

The body had been covered, but the occupants of the home couldn’t be sent away for proper questioning. It was New Year’s Eve, or, Day, now, and the station was overfilled and overworked already. Sanches could handle this.

The three bedrooms held the suspects, the body was in the kitchen.

Sanches sat down on the bed across from the victim’s sniffling sister. Mascara streaked her cheeks and blood stained her hands, her little gold dress, and clumped in the ends of her long hair. “Can you tell me what happened?” Sanches asked.

The woman choked back a sob, “I-I was in the bathroom. I heard, I heard, a scream, from Kay, I thought, I thought they were just having fun-” she sobbed, “Oh god, oh god, she’s dead, she’s really dead…”

Sanches took the box of tissues from the nightstand and offered her one, “It’s okay, Chelsey, take your time.”

She took it and wiped her eyes, smearing mascara across her cheek. “...I-I came out and Ez had-had the knife and-and Kay was bleeding, and-and Jonas was kneeling over her. I-I tried…I tried to help but, but it…” A fresh wave of sobs drowned out whatever else she was going to say.

~

Jonas paced the floor, anxious, caged in the small room. “Tell me what happened,” Sanches prompted.

Jonas slowed his pacing, but didn’t stop. “We were in the kitchen, me, Ez, and...and Kay. I was...we were just partying, and then Kay tried to change the music on Ez’s phone and...and she just went off on them. Things escalated and...and...there was a back and forth. Ez grabbed a knife, and then...and Kay…” He trailed off, running his hands through his hair. “I can’t believe she’s gone,” he breathed.

“What happened after that?”

Jonas breathed a shaky breath. “Ez was just...brutal. I tried to help Kay but...but I couldn’t…”

~

Ez sat motionless on the edge of the bed, staring at their hands, sticky with blood, as they lay in their lap. Sanches sat down beside them. “What happened, Ez?”

There was a long pause before Ez spoke. “I was in here,” they said slowly, their eyes roaming over their lap like they were watching the memory unfold in their bloodstained palms. “We ran out of champagne, Chelsey asked me to get some more.” Their gaze wandered up to the mini fridge under the desk, covered in stickers. “I came back upstairs, and Kay was on the floor. I-I thought she’d just passed out at first, but then I saw the blood…” Their eyes squeezed shut.

“What did you do after that?” Sanches asked.

It took Ez a moment to respond. “I...I freaked out, called 911. Jonas said it was an accident. I-I don’t know what exactly happened…” Their shoulders shook with a suppressed sob.

When backup arrived hours later, all three suspects were arrested.

~

Sanches checked the coroner's report when it passed over their desk. Cause of death: hemorrhagic shock caused by a single stab wound to the neck. Kay didn’t even have the chance to scream. 


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22 Reviews


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Wed Jan 20, 2021 2:01 pm
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raindrops wrote a review...



Hi! raindrops here to drop a quick review.

The clock struck twelve and...Bang!


Now, that's some pretty slick start, I loved it. It was a like an introductory scene from a movie of the same genre.

Fireworks exploded overhead, a jovial display of sparkling colors and celebration. A new year, a new beginning. Fireworks set on a timer to mark the moment everything was meant to change. It was a stark contrast to the scene Officer Sanches overlooked.


And this one was like the calm before the storm. Or so I thought, because that last sentence was at the right place.

I am personally a fan of murder(&detective) mysteries as I'm an avid reader of Sherlock Holmes, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys and Agatha Christie's works. Hence, as a modern murder mystery tale, although quick, this was elaborately done.

Furthermore, the manner in which you used to separate each testimony and succeeding events made the transition smooth.

Now to the deduction, as you've left this open ended teasing, us, the readers. I am much tempted to give an answer. However, I'm still an amateur so, just trying my luck.

Basing from the autopsy as concrete evidence, Chelsey is lying. Why though? Most probably protecting someone or herself. As to their respective positions during the murder. Ez and Chelsey were in separate rooms. Basing off Ez's statement when he went back to the kitchen, Chelsey wasn't there yet. Thus, leaving Jason and Kay alone and actually narrowing that the most likely assailant was Jason. Furthermore, from their initial statements it seemed that Jason and Chelsey's statements sync against Ez's, but with Chelsey's statement being false and invalid, more points of suspicion goes to Jason. That is Chelsey's covering up for Jason, or it's the other way around. That is Chelsey may have left the kitchen already after the murder was done, and tried to made an alibi not being there. However, the fact that Jason remains in the kitchen nullifies this idea, as he would have left the kitchen with Chelsey to make his own alibi. Moreover, Jason's phrasing of "Ez being brutal" was pretty suspicious, when there was only one stab and could have been easily thought as an accident (just like how Ez remembers Jason telling him), but to tell the police Ez acted brutally was a giveaway clue, that he's trying to pin the blame on Ez.

So here's my deductions. Well, I might have just made this look more complicated, anyways sorry for the extra. It's because I enjoyed how you wrote this piece. Thanks.




Teddybear says...


You're pretty spot on with your deductions! I'm glad that the clues I put in came through clearly enough to be readable.



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Mon Jan 18, 2021 10:14 pm
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Nymeria wrote a review...



This was really cool! This definitely seems like a story that could be elaborated on, even stretched over an entire novel. The mystery and suspense were great, but because it was so short there was no room for characterization. I feel like if you added some backstory, some character building, and some detail, you'd have a great novel on your hands. Maybe something like the book One of Us is Lying.

Side note-- LOVE the casual nonbinary rep. Thank you for that.

Overall great work! I'd definitely read more of this!

Nymeria




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Mon Jan 18, 2021 5:09 pm
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DreamyAlice wrote a review...



Hey Alice is here to review!

You are very good at writing you didn't made even a single grammar mistake and the suspense and mystery was very cool.


The clock struck twelve and...Bang!

Fireworks exploded overhead, a jovial display of sparkling colors and celebration. A new year, a new beginning. Fireworks set on a timer to mark the moment everything was meant to change.


A very good description of the new year.

There was a long pause before Ez spoke. “I was in here,” they said slowly, their eyes roaming over their lap like they were watching the memory unfold in their bloodstained palms. “We ran out of champagne, Chelsey asked me to get some more.” Their gaze wandered up to the mini fridge under the desk, covered in stickers. “I came back upstairs, and Kay was on the floor. I-I thought she’d just passed out at first, but then I saw the blood…” Their eyes squeezed shut.


Why there is 'they' and 'their' everywhere, you mentioned that all the suspects were in the different rooms.


But overall it was very well written.
Hope you continue writing it!

Bye!!!!




Teddybear says...


That would be the singular they/them pronoun set you noticed, sorry for the confusion. Thanks for the review!



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Sun Jan 17, 2021 3:47 am
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NateAtNight wrote a review...



Hello!
I thought this story was amazing. I loved the part at the beginning explaining why Sanches was handling the murder and not anyone else. I really loved the descriptions, as well.
Though, I was wondering who Ez and Jonas were in relation to Kay. That was a bit unclear. Also, at the beginning you said they were all in separate rooms, but they appear to all be in the same room as Sanches questions them.
Overall, I really liked the story and *PLEASE* continue it. It seems like you have a talent for murder mysteries.





Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
— Mark Twain