Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Other

E - Everyone

Tree Girl Chapter 7

by hannah0528


After my clothes were dry I hopped over the fence and went inside this house. I fixed myself some eggs and I ate them gladly, as everything that had happened had made me hungry. My shirt was still a little damp so I went up to change it. 

I opened the door to my room and was greeted with the familiar smells. I kept things nice and tidy in my medium size, light green colored room. The sunlight reflected off of the mirror, and I saw the big, black string hanging from the entrance to the attic. I walked over to my dresser and slowly took off my T-shirt. I opened the top drawer and took out a gray shirt and pulled it over my body. I caught my reflection in the mirror out of the corner of my eye. I had grown a bit taller since the new year, and my hair was as black as ever. My deep blue eyes seemed to stare right through me. I quickly turned away and left my clean, book filled room.

That night at dinner, my parents kept exchanging worried glances and I noticed their eyes flitting back and forth between me and each other. They sent Mark to bed early and had me stay out with them.

"So Elana," said my father, "I heard that something happened at school today. Are you okay?"

I nodded my head. Again. It was getting tiring.

"And I heard that you now have a medical diagnosis with a social anxiety disorder." he said. "In which you don't talk."

I again nod my head.  

"We just wanted to make sure that you are okay."

Once more, I nod my head.

"Okay. Good. You can go now." he said warmly.

I got up, cleared my plate and headed up to my bedroom. I threw off my clothes and got my pajama's on and sat down at my desk. I picked up a book that I had gotten from a thrift store a while ago. It was called Hoot by Carl Hiaasen. I had read it multiple times. I went to page one and began reading. A half hour later I went to bed. I could hardly sleep that night. I was tossing and turning, thinking about Monday. 

The next morning, it was hot. Really hot. I decided to go back to the brook again. It was cooler back there. 

I climbed over the fence and was greeted by the chattering brook and the chirping birds. It wasn't much cooler back here. I decided to go a bit further out, following the brook upstream. So I did. 

The breeze had blown some of our grass seeds back there, and little green blades dotted the landscape. It was beautiful. I saw a willow tree, swaying in the wind up against a small hill. The ground that it sat on before the small hill was sort of like a small crater in the ground, just a foot or so below the flat earth that I was standing on. I started heading toward it.

I stepped down into the ravine. It was amazing. Cherry blossoms dotted the landscape, and a small pond sat right in the middle. A little stream came out after the pond, and I realized that it was where the brook came from. It was a couple feet deep and the bottom was covered in sand and pebbles. Little minnows darted from side to side, just under the surface. But there was one hovering near the bottom, and was swimming slower than the other ones. Just like me. Good luck, little guy. Good luck. Then he went a little bit faster and zoomed out of the pond into the stream.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
91 Reviews


Points: 18997
Reviews: 91

Donate
Thu Jan 14, 2021 12:32 am
SpunkyKitty wrote a review...



Honestly, this chapter is pretty bland. It doesn't seem like it really is needed. Maybe make some conflict happen between her and her Dad, were her Dad doesn't understand why she's like that etc. If not, then you could shorten this and add it to the previous chapter or something.

Cherry blossoms dotted the landscape, and a small pond sat right in the middle. A little stream came out after the pond, and I realized that it was where the brook came from. It was a couple feet deep and the bottom was covered in sand and pebbles. Little minnows darted from side to side, just under the surface. But there was one hovering near the bottom, and was swimming slower than the other ones.

I won't lie though, I really love this description. So I think the best option would just be to shorten it and add it to the beginning of the next chapter or add it to the end of the previous one. Just some ideas.




User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 13
Reviews: 16

Donate
Wed Dec 30, 2020 2:40 pm
Ducklinstories wrote a review...



Hi hikoetje10,

Let’s start OFF with my first impression of your story!

The alinea’s are rather long so try to divide them wher possible. The conversations are good but a little plain try to spice them up a little along with the story line. You tell more than show and that drags the pleasure to read down. Your punctuation looks perfectly fine!

Keep up the good work
- E.




User avatar
33 Reviews


Points: 2134
Reviews: 33

Donate
Mon Dec 21, 2020 3:51 pm



It's nice and the adventure in the brook is always calming
Just a suggestion
this novel is getting slow and boring try something new

If you don't mind read my new work named "I don't remember" it is also in the green room





Maybe I should say something quote-worthy, like, I dunno... "You can only be happy if you decide to be happy?"
— Necromancer14