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The Monster Whisperer Prologue

by Valkyria


Prologue

Greta’s morning had been unusually quiet. The rooster wasn’t crowing, and Benjamin’s dogs weren’t barking. Monster activities had been slow too because she hadn’t received any calls all morning. Birds chirped melodies on their branches.

The sun warmed her wrinkled face as Greta settled against her chair. The porch creaked under her feet. She’d have to tighten those floorboards, but she could do that later. This morning was too precious to waste.

Until a siren drowned out the birds.

Greta cracked an eye open and watched an ambulance speed past her house towards the mountains.

Some college kid probably got themself injured, she thought. It happened sometimes: an inexperienced hiker underestimated the trail and needed to be rescued.

Time passed, and Greta drank her coffee. Around 11:00, the phone started ringing inside the house, so she reluctantly got up, bones protesting.

She went into the kitchen and picked up her cellphone.

“Hi, Aunt Greta,” said Robert. His voice sounded breathless, and Greta heard noises in the background.

“Busy already?” she asked, sitting down and propping an elbow on the table. Robert chuckled, but it sounded strained.

“A group of hunters called 911 near Creek Falls,” said Robert. “They were in the woods hunting deer when they were charged by a moose, larger than any moose they’ve ever seen.”

“Was it white?” Greta asked sharply, sitting up.

“Y-yes. Aunt, you don’t think…?”

“The Specter Moose,” she said. “It’s got to be. I saw an ambulance go by my house,” she added. “Was anyone hurt?”

“One of the guys was in pretty bad when we got there. The moose flipped him over, and he had broken ribs and a torn leg. He’ll live, though.”

“Okay, okay. Are any of the hunters still at the hospital?” asked Greta. She tucked the phone under her ear and grabbed her coat.

“Two: his brother and a friend,” he said. “The guy just went into surgery.”

“Tell them to hang tight; I’ll be over soon,” said Greta, taking her keys out of the drawer. “I’ve got to do something first.”

“What?”

Greta tightened her shoes. “My brother’s been dead for sixteen years. It’s time the new monster hunter took his place.” She sighed heavily.

“But it could be anyone,” said Robert. “Dad didn’t find out until he was in college.”

“Don’t worry, I found her,” said Greta. She looked at an old newspaper clipped to the wall. “And she’s accompanying me on this mission.”


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Wed May 18, 2022 6:17 pm
Coffeeboyjay wrote a review...



Hi there Valkyria

1. What did I like the most in the story Valkyria was that“Hi, Aunt Greta,” said Robert. His voice sounded breathless, and Greta heard noises in the background.

“Busy already?” she asked, sitting down and propping an elbow on the table. Robert chuckled, but it sounded strained.

“A group of hunters called 911 near Creek Falls,” said Robert. “They were in the woods hunting deer when they were charged by a moose, larger than any moose they’ve ever seen.”

“Was it white?” Greta asked sharply, sitting up.

“Y-yes. Aunt, you don’t think…?”

“The Specter Moose,” she said. “It’s got to be. I saw an ambulance go by my house,” she added. “Was anyone hurt?” Valkyria that was weird that what happened to Aunt Greta because it says in the story that she heard some noises in the background Valkyria you sure it wasn't Robert that did something to Aunt Greta because i think he had to do something to hurt her

2. What do I think needs to be improved Valkyria is that some your stories Valkyria remind me of a true story like this one but i know that is not exactly a true story but is so interesting Val i see that you did chapter 2 Val that's what i like about your story's Val you put so much fert into your work Val

3. what do I you think the story will continue Val is that coming up with story's Val takes time and i know that you took your time to find some characters and know what to say for this to be a chapter Val

Have fun writing!

Jay"




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Fri Dec 11, 2020 4:37 pm
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Riverlight wrote a review...



Hey Val!!! Thanks so much for requesting this review!

Overall, I liked this-- it's a good hook, and I'm planning to read the rest after you publish it. There are some minor details here and there that could do with some fixing/expansion.

So, right at the start, I feel like the fourth sentence should be before the third sentence. It reads a bit better to me that way, and it sounds less awkward.

Until a siren drowned out the birds.

I don't think "until" is really the word you were going for here. It sounds a bit odd, and I think this may actually be a sentence fragment.

This could've been fleshed out a bit more with some extra details-- for example, we could better determine Greta's age (roughly) if you had elaborated when you said her bones were "protesting" any movement. Something liked "Her (blank) bones ached and protested as the woman reluctantly got up."

I didn't see any major grammatical errors other than that sentence fragment I previously mentioned =P

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*], and thanks for requesting a review! <3




Valkyria says...


Thank you for the review!! <3



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Wed Dec 09, 2020 8:24 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey, Val! c: Your title caught my eye, so I decided to check this out! I love your title - it's pretty intriguing, and I'm interested as to what this novel is going to be about! ^^

I'm just going to get right to it!

Greta’s morning had been unusually quiet. The rooster wasn’t crowing, and Benjamin’s dogs weren’t barking. Monster activities had been slow too because she hadn’t received any calls all morning. Birds chirped melodies on their branches.


I love how you're already foreshadowing that something is off! It's a lovely way to start, and it's holding my interest. I've noticed that most of your sentences in this opening are about the same length, and I would personally recommend varying your sentence length to make this paragraph more interesting. Also, this is just my personal preference so please ignore if you don't agree, but I would put "Birds chirped melodies..." together with the other animal descriptions instead of putting the stuff about monster activities between the descriptions.

Until a siren drowned out the birds.


Oh gosh what's happening :O

Some college kid probably got themself injured, she thought. It happened sometimes: an inexperienced hiker underestimated the trail and needed to be rescued.

Time passed, and Greta drank her coffee. Around 11:00, the phone started ringing inside the house, so she reluctantly got up, bones protesting.

She went into the kitchen and picked up her cellphone.


I think my biggest advice for this prologue would be to flesh it out a bit more. I feel like you move suddenly between subjects, so I think it would be helpful if you could add more description and slow down a but c: <3

“The Specter Moose,” she said. “It’s got to be. I saw an ambulance go by my house,” she added. “Was anyone hurt?”


THE SPECTER MOOSE :O

“One of the guys was in pretty bad when we got there. The moose flipped him over, and he had broken ribs and a torn leg. He’ll live, though.”


Wow, ouchie. I love how you're giving descriptions of the the supernatural creatures we are dealing with

Greta tightened her shoes. “My brother’s been dead for sixteen years. It’s time the new monster hunter took his place.” She sighed heavily.


OOH OMG EXCITING

“Don’t worry, I found her,” said Greta. She looked at an old newspaper clipped to the wall. “And she’s accompanying me on this mission.”


Oh wow I didn't expect that she already found her!!

I think this prologue was really good c: You've established what the premise of this novel would be, we got a glimpse into the elements of the world, and you've established a conflict. I think it's definitely intriguing, and I'm excited to see where you take this! I hope this helped! :D




Valkyria says...


Thank you for the review!!



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Wed Dec 09, 2020 5:19 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi!

First Impression: Okay, definitely does its job as a prologue quite well I think, gets us asking some questions and a little hook for the main story itself so good job there. There were a couple of questionable moments, and the start was just a touch slower paced for a prologue.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Greta’s morning had been unusually quiet. The rooster wasn’t crowing, and Benjamin’s dogs weren’t barking. Monster activities had been slow too because she hadn’t received any calls all morning. Birds chirped melodies on their branches.


Well that's never a good sign in any story I've read, now is it?...looks like some things are about to happen.

The sun warmed her wrinkled face as Greta settled against her chair. The porch creaked under her feet. She’d have to tighten those floorboards, but she could do that later. This morning was too precious to waste.


Some pretty nice description there, that's good.

Until a siren drowned out the birds.

Greta cracked an eye open and watched an ambulance speed past her house towards the mountains.


Here we go...

Some college kid probably got themself injured, she thought. It happened sometimes: an inexperienced hiker underestimated the trail and needed to be rescued.


Well...that could be case Greta but you have to realize that's not how things work in the prologue of a novel.

Time passed, and Greta drank her coffee. Around 11:00, the phone started ringing inside the house, so she reluctantly got up, bones protesting.


Ouch.

“Hi, Aunt Greta,” said Robert. His voice sounded breathless, and Greta heard noises in the background.

“Busy already?” she asked, sitting down and propping an elbow on the table. Robert chuckled, but it sounded strained.


I love she can just casually tell that something is up from the noises alone. Gets you a feel for how things must be like in the story universe.

“A group of hunters called 911 near Creek Falls,” said Robert. “They were in the woods hunting deer when they were charged by a moose, larger than any moose they’ve ever seen.”

“Was it white?” Greta asked sharply, sitting up.


Well that doesn't sound terribly dangerous but I assume it at least has a few powers.

“The Specter Moose,” she said. “It’s got to be. I saw an ambulance go by my house,” she added. “Was anyone hurt?”

“One of the guys was in pretty bad when we got there. The moose flipped him over, and he had broken ribs and a torn leg. He’ll live, though.”


Umm...torn leg?? Like a leg torn into pieces?? because I don't see how that can happen by just being flipped over.

“Okay, okay. Are any of the hunters still at the hospital?” asked Greta. She tucked the phone under her ear and grabbed her coat.

“Two: his brother and a friend,” he said. “The guy just went into surgery.”


That kind of sounds like a very obvious question....I mean who just ups and leaves when one dude is that badly injured.

Greta tightened her shoes. “My brother’s been dead for sixteen years. It’s time the new monster hunter took his place.” She sighed heavily.


Sixteen years is a lot of time. Anything special about this moose? 16?? Or did she just randomly decide this just because?

“But it could be anyone,” said Robert. “Dad didn’t find out until he was in college.”

“Don’t worry, I found her,” said Greta. She looked at an old newspaper clipped to the wall. “And she’s accompanying me on this mission.”


And she even knew about the girl...why the long wait?? Is it the girl's age maybe?

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this sounds like a pretty interesting prologue, I think I might just read more if you post it, nothing too bad here, its got enough mysteriousness to get people interested as far as I can say and there wasn't anything wrong that I could see.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Valkyria says...


Thank you for the review! I%u2019ll keep those in mind when I write the second draft :)



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!




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