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12+ Violence

I am Mari (Chapter 2)

by dancingontheclouds


They continue to search for another hour and a half, all while I stay in the water hole. The doctor paces in anger and frustration, barking orders at the poor soldiers. Eta is rather terrifying. That was part of why I ran. I could not stand it anymore.

It was 04:47 when they give up and leave. I wait. At one point after the soldiers leave, a brown thing wobbles down and dips into the water.

"Yep, it was this mornin when they came. Awl over the place like ants over shuga spilled. Dats why Janey and I are savin up the muny to leave this hog-stinkin place."

"Really?" a proper voice came, one that knew grammar I agreed with. "What time was it, did you say?"

"Round one o'clock in the mornin." the rough voice came.

"Very intriguing. Ah, thank you for your time." the pleasing to hear voice came again.

"It wus ma pleashur." the brown thing goes back up.

I wait for them to leave before climbing out. I turn off my camo and open my claws in my fingers. I use them to climb out of the water hole and step into the sunlight.

According to my sensors, there is a farm about a mile away. North. That must be where the farmer and pleasing voice went. The farmer didnt like the scientists, so he wont like me. And my creation-place is to the south. So that leaves east or west. Judging by where the sun is, I have about 3 or 4 hours until sunset. So, follow the sun, or run from it?

I decide to go west, following the sun. I start to walk away from the hole, but then I stop. There is a camera on the side of the water hole.

I whip around and shoot it with one of my atomic bombs. It blows up, along with the water hole.

I grab my head and shake it. How could I have been so stupid? It was a trick, all of it. They knew I was in the hole. This whole thing is a test. They are tracking me. I just know it. They're either behind a tree, wrapped in stone armor. Or a stone drone in the air. Something, but they know I am here.

What do I do? I think.

Well, not really think. It's complicated. Because I'm a robot? Is that a detail that slipped your mind? I am not surprised. You are, after all, only human.

I will go west. I will get a running start. Then I will fly.

Of course I can fly. Why wouldn't I?

I start to walk briskly, then I break into a slow run (At least 20 mph). I hear a whizzing drone behind me, as well as motorcycles. I realize I am still tuned into their channel when I hear a voice in my ear.

"I have eyes on TS. Repeat, I have eyes on TS," one of the cyclists says.

"Confirmed, Trick. Stay on target," Eta says. I shiver at her voice.

The cycles speed up. So do I. I start to really run.

"TS is speeding up, like earlier. Orders?" The other soldier says.

"Stay on target. Fire if nessacary." Eta orders.

Fire if nessacary.

What?

I'm her precious project. Why is she willing to attempt to kill me, even though I was made indesructible? Why?

I run as quickly as I can, and my overload moniters beep frantically. I tell my systems to prepare for takeoff, and they comply.

"Trick, Mask, TS is prepping for takeoff." Eta's voice garbles in my ear. "Fire when ready."

No.

No!

She will not kill me!

I will fight!

I brake suddenly, making ruts in the ground. The cycles zoom past me, still going at my past speed.

"Where'd it go?" Trick asks a second before I shoot him and Mask.

"Trick, come in. Mask, come in." Eta says. "Soldiers, confirm. Did you termin-"

I speak.

"No."

My voice is harsh from the many nights screaming in pain. But I was once told that my voice was beautiful. Not anymore.

Eta is silent.

"You can speak?"

"Yes."

More silence.

"How?"

"How can you speak?" I ask her.

"Please, I know what this looks like, but we are trying to protect you." Eta says desperately.

"By torturing me?" I say. My voice is getting stronger.

"I-" Eta is silent.

"I am running from you, and nothing you say will change that. So crawl back to whatever slimy hole you were born in, and leave me alone."

"No, no please, don't do that!" she stutters. "Can we work somethi-"

I cut the communication and walk between two corpses to the sunset.


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318 Reviews


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Wed Sep 22, 2021 4:06 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Momo!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was a good continuation of the previous chapter. It did make me wonder. What exactly is Mari? She can't be a human; she has claws in her fingers and can fly. Is she a robot? But she seems to have a conscience of her own and I know for a fact that robots do not have conscience. Maybe she is something in between - a project they intended to use as weapon but that didn't work out quite as planned. I was a bit surprised when I realized that they didn't know she could speak. It means that either they weren't paying attention or that Mari is smarter than she lets on in front of them.

I did enjoy Eta's desperation in the end. Her cool calm demeanor from the previous chapter is gone and she seems to be finally realizing that the situation is slipping from her grasp. I wonder what they are going to do now. Mari seems to be more in control near the end of this chapter. She is definitely smarter, faster and more advanced than the humans. If there was a battle between her and the scientists, I wonder who would come victorious.

The pacing is still fast, and I think it matches well with the always moving plot of the story. The short sentences are simple and direct and I think it is fitting because Mari isn't one to go into detailed descriptions of the settings. You are staying true to your characters and it makes the story more realistic.

a proper voice came, one that knew grammar I agreed with.

I don't know why this line sounded so funny to me.

That's all.

Keep writing and have a great day!




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Sat Feb 13, 2021 4:33 pm
MapleWay wrote a review...



Maple Way here! With a review!

This was an excellent installment of your previous chapter! It did a good job furthering Mari's backstory and personality! Anyway, I am here to share some grammatical errors and things I liked!



Grammatical Errors



The farmer didnt like the scientists, so he wont like me.


It should be "didn't" and "won't" not "didnt" and "wont."


Why is she willing to attempt to kill me, even though I was made indesructible?


It should be "indestructable" not "indesructible."


I run as quickly as I can, and my overload moniters beep frantically.


It should be "monitors" not "moniters."



Things I liked



"Yep, it was this mornin when they came. Awl over the place like ants over shuga spilled. Dats why Janey and I are savin up the muny to leave this hog-stinkin place."

"Really?" a proper voice came, one that knew grammar I agreed with. "What time was it, did you say?"


I love the improper grammar used by the western guy and how he is with someone who is essential polar opposite to him. I hope both come back in future chapters!


Of course I can fly. Why wouldn't I?


I love the tone used in this statement! It shows us a lot about her personality.


"No, no please, don't do that!" she stutters. "Can we work somethi-"

I cut the communication and walk between two corpses to the sunset.


Perfect ending!






Thank you!



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Sun Jan 03, 2021 7:46 am
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Riverlight wrote a review...



Hey, Momo! I'm back to get you other review real quick!

Lol, of course she can fly, why wouldn't she be able to fly? XD

The pacing is a bit rushed, and the details could be fleshed out a bit more. I do like that you've mentioned that two people-- one obviously rural, one more educated and urban-- stopped by the pond. I think that shooting the camera with an atomic bomb was definitely an overreaction on Mari's part as-- well, atomic bomb ;-;

Thanks for asking me to review these!!!






Thank you!!



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Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:49 pm
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NastyMajesty wrote a review...



Helllooooo Momo! I'm poppin' in here with an incoming reviewwwwwwwwww (as usual). Hope you're having a great day/night wherever you're at! Alright let's hop right in :P

Grows

It was 04:47 when they give up and leave.
I noticed a minor typo here and I think you meant to say "left"
Eta is silent.

"You can speak?"

"Yes."

More silence.

"How?"

"How can you speak?" I ask her.

"Please, I know what this looks like, but we are trying to protect you. A comma goes here instead of a period," Eta says desperately.

"By torturing me?" I say. My voice is getting stronger.

"I-" Eta is silent.
In this quote, you use Eta is silent twice which can seem a little repetitive.
I cut the communication and walk between the two corpses to the sunset.
Here, I think you meant to say "walked". Also, I think it'd make more sense to add "the" right there.

Glows
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WOWOWOW I LOVED THIS CHAPTER (: (: (: I love how you spelled the slang the way that the farmer was talking, that was hilarious. Especially right here, when Mari says:
"Really?" a proper voice came, one that knew grammar I agreed with.
omg that's too good. I like how you show what Mari is thinking in this one like here:
Well, not really think. It's complicated. Because I'm a robot? Is that a detail that slipped your mind? I am not surprised. You are, after all, only human.

I will go west. I will get a running start. Then I will fly.

Of course I can fly. Why wouldn't I?
OF COURSE SHE CAN FLY HAHAHA!
So crawl back to whatever slimy hole you were born in, and leave me alone.
HAHA BURRNNNNNNNN TAKE THAT ETAAAAAA *cackles evilly*.
CX Overall, amazing job! I really enjoyed reading this. Keep it up and keep writing!
:D
~Your friendly neighborhood Majesty of Nastiness~






Thank you! This is supposed to be written in the present tense, so... (:



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Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:25 pm
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hannah314159 wrote a review...



I loved this! The suspense, the action. I don't normally read stuff like this. But I loved it! I just feel like it was a little fast-paced. That is my ONLY critique. Other than that, it is perfect. I love how at the end of your chapter Eta's personality seems to completely change. I am waiting for a a third chapter.



Keep writing!


Hannah






Thanks!



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Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:22 am
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Purple67 wrote a review...



Hello there, i'm here to give a short review on this piece of work, It's pretty good, but here what could be improved.

First, i feel like the pacing is rushed, i couldn't really digest the events going on. What you could do is maybe fix the pacing to make it flow smoother.

Also, there's a lot of telling and no showing. If Eta's voice is hash, describe what it sounds like.

I'm so sorry if this sounds rude and kinda bossy. And i suck at giving criticism.

Sincerely, Purple67






Thank you!



Purple67 says...


You are welcome!




Journeys end in lovers' meeting.
— William Shakespeare