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I Love You

by AceassinOfTheMoon


I sit
and stare
wondering
if she's there

The circle beside her name blinks green
She's there

Have you ever loved someone so much you'd fight God for them?
Have you ever?

She says "I love you,"
I say it too
She doesn't know
No, she doesn't know
"I Love You" means so much more
From me to her than her to me

I'm afraid
So scared
Too scared
Can't be myself without hurting her
I'm afraid
So scared
Too scared
Want to fall into her arms

She's my safe space
A listening ear
She's my safe place
My fortress

And yet
She doesn't know
No, she doesn't know
"I love you" means so much more
From me to her than her to me

I did it
I said it
I wrote it
She read it

I
Love
You

She knows
"I love you" means so much more
From me to her than her to me

I shouldn't have these feelings
I can't have these feelings
And yet
I do

I
Love
You

She doesn't love me back though
And that's fine with me
I'll be her friend
Maybe someday more

I
Love
You


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301 Reviews


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Reviews: 301

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Wed May 25, 2022 5:24 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I like this poem.It was cute and nice.Hats off to you for being brave.I would never have the guts to do what you did.I’m pretty much going to say the same thing as everyone else.It was relatable and well-written.It showed how you really cared about this person and were nervous to share your feelings.I hope you have a great day/night.




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Fri Dec 04, 2020 9:20 pm
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Riverlight wrote a review...



Hey, Cham! I'm here to review your work.

Aww, Cham!

This is so cute, I love this! It's very emotional, and I think you've done a great job of explaining how you feel. (I'm assuming it's you, lemme know if I'm wrong, sorry if I am. ;-;)

Apart from some line rearrangements, I see no major issues that need to be fixed here =P

Love you, and stay safe!

-Vil






Heh. Yeah, this is about me.

Thank you for the review! I love you too :D



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96 Reviews


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Fri Nov 06, 2020 2:59 am



I don't care about the punctuations you wrote it from brain and heart both its ought to be great poem




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Tue Nov 03, 2020 11:57 pm
InuYosha wrote a review...



Hi! Very nice poem. It's powerful and romantic. A perfect start for a longform poem!

Have you ever loved someone so much you'd fight God for them?


This is a nice line, but is it really needed? It's very out of place, seeing that it is twice the length of many of the other lines. If you were to say this poem out loud, the line would be very disrupting to the flow of the poem.

A shortened version would be okay. But that would be hard. Or you could split it into two lines. Either way is fine.

She says "I love you,"
I say it too
She doesn't know
No, she doesn't know
"I Love You" means so much more
From me to her than her to me


Aww, this is a cute line. It's short and sweet and perfect. Nothing wrong here!

She's my safe space
A listening ear
She's my safe place
My fortress


Personally, the word "Fortress" doesn't fit well here. "Stronghold" could be a better substitute.

Anyways, I didn't see anything else wrong here. I like how you repeated the fourth stanza. It was the good kind of repetition.

Hope you were satisfied with this review!

-Yoshi




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Tue Nov 03, 2020 1:18 pm
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LUNARGIRL wrote a review...



Really good job! You use a lot of description, and it was very emotion and powerful.

I really liked how you kept repeating some lines like "I Love You." And "She says "I love you, I say it too, She doesn't know, No, she doesn't know, "I Love You" means so much more, From me to her than her to me"
That last part though is a little bit hard to read, "From me to her than her to me." I don't have any suggestions what you should change that to, and that's just personal opinion.

There are a few places where I think you should have put punctuation, that's also a personal oppion. Like at the beginning,
"I sit and stare,
wondering
if she's there."

The last thing I wanted to go over was this part.
"The circle beside her name blinks green
She's there." That means he is on his phone, but I thought they were broken up. With that being, why would he have her number still, instead of blocking or getting rid of it.

Overall: Everything else was really good, and I really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work, can't wait to read what you write next!

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL






Thanks for the review!



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Tue Nov 03, 2020 11:58 am
RavenWillow wrote a review...



Nice poetry! Honestly this was amazing. However there are a few things I'd like to point out. This is strictly a personal opinion and to others this might seem perfectly normal.
1. This part:
"I sit
and stare
wondering
if she's there"
I think you should put it like this:
"I sit and stare,
wondering if she's there"
2. This part bothers me too.
"The circle beside her name blinks green
She's there"
This doesn't sit well with the first part. If he's staring and the circle beside her name blinks green shouldn't you mention he's staring at his phone? And if they have broken up, how come he has her messenger. Most tend to block and remove them out of despair.
3.Then there's this:
"From me to her than her to me"
This part is hard to read. I think you should change it to
"Because my love for her is greater than hers"
Without that, I think it was great! Keep i up.
Without wax,
RavenWillow






Thanks for the review! I'll keep your suggestions in mind for if I ever decide to revise this a little :)




The chains of habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
— Warren Buffet