I sit
and stare
wondering
if she's there
The circle beside her name blinks green
She's there
Have you ever loved someone so much you'd fight God for them?
Have you ever?
She says "I love you,"
I say it too
She doesn't know
No, she doesn't know
"I Love You" means so much more
From me to her than her to me
I'm afraid
So scared
Too scared
Can't be myself without hurting her
I'm afraid
So scared
Too scared
Want to fall into her arms
She's my safe space
A listening ear
She's my safe place
My fortress
And yet
She doesn't know
No, she doesn't know
"I love you" means so much more
From me to her than her to me
I did it
I said it
I wrote it
She read it
I
Love
You
She knows
"I love you" means so much more
From me to her than her to me
I shouldn't have these feelings
I can't have these feelings
And yet
I do
I
Love
You
She doesn't love me back though
And that's fine with me
I'll be her friend
Maybe someday more
I
Love
You
I like this poem.It was cute and nice.Hats off to you for being brave.I would never have the guts to do what you did.I’m pretty much going to say the same thing as everyone else.It was relatable and well-written.It showed how you really cared about this person and were nervous to share your feelings.I hope you have a great day/night.
Hey, Cham! I'm here to review your work.
Aww, Cham!
This is so cute, I love this! It's very emotional, and I think you've done a great job of explaining how you feel. (I'm assuming it's you, lemme know if I'm wrong, sorry if I am. ;-;)
Apart from some line rearrangements, I see no major issues that need to be fixed here =P
Love you, and stay safe!
-Vil
I don't care about the punctuations you wrote it from brain and heart both its ought to be great poem
Hi! Very nice poem. It's powerful and romantic. A perfect start for a longform poem!
Have you ever loved someone so much you'd fight God for them?
She says "I love you,"
I say it too
She doesn't know
No, she doesn't know
"I Love You" means so much more
From me to her than her to me
She's my safe space
A listening ear
She's my safe place
My fortress
Really good job! You use a lot of description, and it was very emotion and powerful.
I really liked how you kept repeating some lines like "I Love You." And "She says "I love you, I say it too, She doesn't know, No, she doesn't know, "I Love You" means so much more, From me to her than her to me"
That last part though is a little bit hard to read, "From me to her than her to me." I don't have any suggestions what you should change that to, and that's just personal opinion.
There are a few places where I think you should have put punctuation, that's also a personal oppion. Like at the beginning,
"I sit and stare,
wondering
if she's there."
The last thing I wanted to go over was this part.
"The circle beside her name blinks green
She's there." That means he is on his phone, but I thought they were broken up. With that being, why would he have her number still, instead of blocking or getting rid of it.
Overall: Everything else was really good, and I really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work, can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
120,187 Literary Works • 648,972 Reviews
Points: 97
Reviews: 967
Donate