z

Young Writers Society



The Price of a Soul [Chapter 6.1]

by Mageheart


The story so far: Quinn makes a deal with a demon named Azazel - who has somehow been forced into a robotic body. Three years later, Quinn is a runaway and Azazel is going by the name Issac. The two of them are traveling the country in search of the people who made Issac the way he is now, but run into a little roadblock when their newest (and best) lead is killed by a hunter.

After taking a bus to the next town over, they run into Issac's friend Bell at a hotel called Abe's Lodge. But before Quinn and Issac could get to their room, they find out about a series of disappearances that have been taking place around town. They decide to investigate the latest disappearance by going to a haunted house called Lowland Haunts.

After getting several clues, they return to their hotel room and have a discussion on Quinn's past. The last chapter ends with Issac revealing that some demons are fallen angels.

Author's Note: After reading through some reviews, it's come to my attention that I completely forgot to name the town. I've finally settled on a name for it - Moriah - so don't be surprised when the name pops up in the next few chapters! 

Chapter 6

If the tissues in Issac's pocket hadn't given it away, his suggestion to have an early dinner at Moriah's only bar and restaurant made it clear that he had expected Quinn to be upset after their conversation. Moriah had other restaurants, but they were all cheap fast food places – and Quinn could only have so many greasy burgers in a single week. By the time that they returned to their room that night, her conversations with Issac from earlier in the day felt like a distant memory. It really shouldn't have been a surprise to either one of them when Quinn fell asleep in the middle of watching TV.

The next morning, Quinn was greeted by the familiar sight of Issac sitting in the armchair in the corner of the room. The chairs and places they were never in were never the same, but the position always was: one leg crossed over the other, one arm on the armrest, and the other holding up a book in front of a seemingly emotionless face. He gave her a nod as she got up – too engrossed in his copy of Dante's Inferno to pay all that much attention.

Quinn went through the same routine she always did. She ironed her clothes, even though her plain t-shirt had only a few wrinkles. She took a shower and tried to remember if she had seen the brand of shampoo before. Then she dried her hair, slipped a headband in as a last-ditch attempt to fully wake up by getting the hair out of her face, and joined Issac as they went to the breakfast buffet.

By the time they arrived, a few other hotel guests were already lingering at marble counters and wooden tables. Quinn tried to keep her focus on the cereal dispensers and fridge as she grabbed a yogurt, but it was hard keeping her gaze away. She caught a glimpse of a pair of fangs like Bell's. Their owner was eating a piece of toast and drinking a very dark cup of what was either cranberry juice or blood. Another person had eyes that were almost like an animal's; they devoured a piece of bacon in a single go. A third person had hair that was bright blue, right down to its roots. Her eyes were just as impossible: one pink and one purple. If it wasn't for the fact that both eyes had been as blue as her hair a second before, Quinn would have thought that they were just contacts.

And then there was Bell, who was flickering among all of the guests and chatting with them about almost anything under the sun. Quinn gave a little smile as she grabbed an apple from a nearby bowl; it was a calming place to start her morning in.

She joined Issac at the table he had saved underneath the TV. It was too loud in the buffet room to hear what was on the TV, but he still had his eyes on it. It wasn't until she peeled open the top of the yogurt that he finally looked over at her.

“How did you sleep?” he asked.

“Good,” she said. “I think I had a nice dream, but I don't remember it.”

Issac gave a small nod. Quinn looked down at his side of the table. He usually grabbed a piece of fruit to make it look like he could eat and saved it Quinn to have later, but his spot was surprisingly empty.

She plunged her plastic spoon into the yogurt cup. “What should we do today?”

He glanced back at the TV behind them.

“The weather report predicts clear skies and cool weather today,” he said, turning back to face her. “We could talk a walk through town.”

Quinn paused, the spoon awkwardly lingering in the air. “Shouldn't we look for more clues?”

Issac folded his hands together and placed them on the table; his body would have looked unnaturally still to anyone who didn't know that his body was made of electronics. Quinn could hear the soft, gentle whir of Issac's motors going. It was too soft for anyone who wasn't used to the noise to notice, but even Quinn started tuning it out after awhile. “We could revisit Lowland Haunts, but I doubt that it would be open so early in the morning. We could also go to Adam or Gabriel's addresses, but I doubt we would get far with either one of them. Adam's apartment likely is closed off to visitors, and Gabriel probably wouldn't let either one of us in.”

Quinn let out a tiny sigh.

It felt wrong to take a break right after they had just gotten a lead, but she also knew that Issac probably had a point. Maybe walking around town would help them stumble onto some kind of clue.

“Walking around town sounds good,” she finally relented.


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160 Reviews


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Mon Sep 21, 2020 12:57 pm
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Valkyria wrote a review...



I'm creeping my way up slowly...one more chapter before I'm officially caught up!

I love the name of the town. It sounds dark and secretive. Maybe it's because of the disappearances there. It's probably me, but Moriah sounds very similar to "the mines of Moria" from LOTR, which itself is dark and dangerous.

She took a shower and tried to remember if she had seen the brand of shampoo before.


That's a nice touch of everyday life.

By the time they arrived, a few other hotel guests were already lingering at marble counters and wooden tables.


I really like how this hotel is for other supernatural creatures.

Issac gave a small nod. Quinn looked down at his side of the table. He usually grabbed a piece of fruit to make it look like he could eat and saved it Quinn to have later, but his spot was surprisingly empty.


I like this touch of detail. Here, Issac can act normally. The phrase I bolded didn't really make sense to me. Perhaps if you rephrase that:

...to make it look like he could eat, and actually save it for Quinn to have later...


That's all I have for now! I hope my suggestion helped, and I'm ready to continue with the mystery!




Mageheart says...


Thank you for your review! You're almost there. :)

I love the name of the town. It sounds dark and secretive. Maybe it's because of the disappearances there. It's probably me, but Moriah sounds very similar to "the mines of Moria" from LOTR, which itself is dark and dangerous.


I didn't think of that! There is a reason for the name, but I hadn't thought of the similarities to LOTR.

That's a nice touch of everyday life.


Thanks! :)

I really like how this hotel is for other supernatural creatures.


Thanks! I wanted to make it clearer in earlier chapters, but it looks like I managed to do it here instead. :)

I like this touch of detail. Here, Issac can act normally. The phrase I bolded didn't really make sense to me. Perhaps if you rephrase that:


Thanks for the rephrase! I'll definitely make that edit. :)

Thank you again for your review! It was definitely helpful. <3



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Sun Sep 20, 2020 8:37 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hooray I'm here first! Now that I've actually had a chance to catch up I'm ready to review as you post :)
Cute name for the town though - I'm glad you've gotten around to naming it! Aside from anything else, it'll make it much easier to keep track of where they are.

his suggestion to have an early dinner at Moriah's only bar and restaurant made it clear that he had expected Quinn to be upset after their conversation

I get the tissues, but if he's suggesting an early dinner after their conversation, isn't that more him reacting to her being upset rather than having expected her to be upset? Unless he suggested an early dinner before their conversation?

The chairs and places they were never in were never the same, but the position always was: one leg crossed over the other, one arm on the armrest, and the other holding up a book in front of a seemingly emotionless face.

I know what you're saying, but maybe needs a bit of clarification. Could you swap 'the chairs and places' to 'the chairs in the places' although that's possibly too wordy then... or just remove 'and places they were in'.
Also, I've crossed out the first never, because I think it was a mistake?

He gave her a nod as she got

Do you mean 'got up?'

She took a shower and tried to remember if she had seen the brand of shampoo before.

That's a great detail, I love it!

Then she dried her hair, slipped a headband in as a last-ditch attempt to fully wake up, and joined Issac as they went to the breakfast buffet.

Am I missing something - why does a headband help her to wake up?

Their owner was eating a piece of toast and drinking a very dark cup of what was either cranberry juice or blood.

Lol

If it wasn't for the fact that both eyes had been as blue as her hair a second before, Quinn would have thought that they were just contacts.

A hotel for all manner of mythical beings then! Such a fun concept xD

Issac gave a small nod. Quinn looked down at his side of the table. He usually grabbed a piece of fruit to make it look like he could eat and saved it Quinn to have later, but his spot was surprisingly empty.

Interesting bit of information - I didn't realise he couldn't eat! I guess because he's at a hotel full of weird and wonderful creatures he doesn't need to pretend to be human.

Quinn paused, the spoon awkwardly lingering in the air. “Shouldn't we look for more clues?”

C'mon Scooby Gang!

It was too soft for anyone who used to the noise to notice.

Think you mean 'who was used to the noise'. Also, isn't she used to the noise so wouldn't notice? And doesn't that mean other people notice?

Ok, that's all for me! Ready for them to do some more investigating and have an increase in pace :)

Hope some of this helped <3

Icy




Mageheart says...


Thanks for the review! It had been a little bit since I wrote chapter five when I started this chapter, so my brain was admittedly a little fried & my writing skills were admittedly rusty. I'll probably end up editing the little stuff you mentioned so future reviewers don't see & comment on the same things - thank you so much for noting them!

I get the tissues, but if he's suggesting an early dinner after their conversation, isn't that more him reacting to her being upset rather than having expected her to be upset? Unless he suggested an early dinner before their conversation?


I didn't think of that! Would it work better if I changed the comment about the line so it was more like "Issac knew exactly what would make her feel better" instead of "Issac knew she was going to be sad, so he came up with this idea?"

I know what you're saying, but maybe needs a bit of clarification. Could you swap 'the chairs and places' to 'the chairs in the places' although that's possibly too wordy then... or just remove 'and places they were in'.
Also, I've crossed out the first never, because I think it was a mistake?


I'll definitely do that!

(And it was definitely a mistake. :P)

Do you mean 'got up?'


Yup!

That's a great detail, I love it!


Thanks!

Am I missing something - why does a headband help her to wake up?


That's on me - I usually do the same thing to help me wake up, so explaining why Quinn did it completely slipped my mind. I'll either scrap that part of the sentence or add an extra one in that explains it a little better.

(There's just something about getting my hair out of my face in the morning that makes me feel more awake; it's like I'm tricking my brain to get up.)

A hotel for all manner of mythical beings then! Such a fun concept xD


Thanks! I've had the idea for ages, but this book is the first time I actually get to use it. The one you quoted is actually a cameo of a character from another story of mine. She never officially showed up in that story, but that's Hecate. She has absolutely nothing to do with this story, but she's always a blast to describe and I needed more people in the room.

Interesting bit of information - I didn't realise he couldn't eat! I guess because he's at a hotel full of weird and wonderful creatures he doesn't need to pretend to be human.


You nailed it!

C'mon Scooby Gang!


Issac obviously needs to watch Scooby Doo more. :P

...I'm actually not sure if he's seen an episode. >>

Think you mean 'who was used to the noise'. Also, isn't she used to the noise so wouldn't notice? And doesn't that mean other people notice?


I think so! My wording was terrible there, but what I think I was trying to say when I wrote that line was "It's soft so most people besides Quinn never pick up on it, but Quinn's started tuning it out because she's so used to it being background noise." I'll definitely need to edit the line so it makes a little more sense.

Ok, that's all for me! Ready for them to do some more investigating and have an increase in pace


I'm also ready for that investigating/increase in pace!

Your review definitely helped! I can't wait to see what you think of the second part. :)

(And of chapter seven, once I post it.)



IcyFlame says...


Would it work better if I changed the comment about the line so it was more like "Issac knew exactly what would make her feel better" instead of "Issac knew she was going to be sad, so he came up with this idea?"

Yes, I think this would make more sense!

There's just something about getting my hair out of my face in the morning that makes me feel more awake; it's like I'm tricking my brain to get up

Ahh this makes sense! For me it's washing my face with cold water... putting my hair up is usually a last ditch attempt to get my brain to focus at 4 in the afternoon xD

I can't wait to see what you think of the second part.

I was hoping to get to it this morning but work is craaazy today as I'm actually in the office! But it's on my list for this evening :)




Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— -Apple Inc.