Young Writers Society

Hi Ken95,

Mailice here with a short review!

I was very surprised to find a combination of horror and humour here, and was also immediately excited when I read the story and sat there with a grin at the end, having been working with a shiver down my spine for a bit longer as I read through it.

Let's start. You really start off very excellently with the first paragraph. Not only with the first sentence but with the whole first paragraph you throw the reader right into the story and you are, like the character a little bit in ignorance of what exactly is after you.

The suspense is there from front to back and like that the narrative deals with the first person narrator very well. You don't just see the horror, you also feel the fear and anxiety of the narrator. I really like that we also see the thoughts here, which is very handy to also get to know the character better and see what exactly he is thinking.

One thing that struck me rather negatively was how you did the ending. I found it very amusing to get there, however I thought you wrote the ending very briskly. I think if you fleshed it out a bit more, you could take the tension here to a new high for a moment before the humour kicks in.

In summary, it was a nice little short story with really great descriptions where you could feel the fear and a surprising ending!

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Ahhh! I loved this! The end especially made me chuckle to be honest.
I really like the way you described the setting, your usage of imagery could be better but it is effective.
There's not much to say about this, except that it's a good story. Your grammar in some parts needs a little work but aside from those two things, you're good to go!

Good job and happy writing!<3

Hello Ken95,

I enjoyed this story a lot. It was nice and creepy.

I would have sworn I heard footsteps behind me. Looking back, it was just an eerie empty road. "It was a terrible idea walking through this path by this time of the night" I cursed under my breath as the path ahead looked longer and creepier than I'd imagined!

I mean, even if I'm to die young, I wouldn't want to be eaten or torn apart by lurking monsters I'd imagined in my mind ready to pounce on me.

It wasn't long enough that I figured out there was no monster, it was just Mike's new scarecrow that he'd placed in his garden.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: This was a really nice little short story. It had a wonderful start with some truly creepy descriptions and then that twist at the end was brilliant. It definitely made me laugh non stop for several minutes (surprisingly difficult to do) and on the whole was a nice little twist on the traditional jump scare stories.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I would have sworn I heard footsteps behind me. Looking back, it was just an eerie empty road. "It was a terrible idea walking through this path by this time of the night" I cursed under my breath as the path ahead looked longer and creepier than I'd imagined!

I tried so hard to be strong but the eerie silence and thick darkness alone made my heart want to jump out of my skin. The only audible sound was the hooting of an owl made at intervals, making me feel I was in a hopeless horror movie.

The cold breeze whistled as it blew. Not sure if it was about to rain and I didn't really care, all I wanted was to get home safely. I mean, even if I'm to die young, I wouldn't want to be eaten or torn apart by lurking monsters I'd imagined in my mind ready to pounce on me. I worried less about bandits, probably because they wouldn't really care about taking a life out of a boy scared of the dark.

I wasn't sure whether to play a Christian music out loud from my phone or just to continue dragging my feet hurriedly like I've been doing.

I wasn't even done contemplating when my eyes glanced through this dark, tall looking figure, just some inches away from the corner of the road, I'd sworn it came right from hell.

My first instinct was to run pass it and not look back, but wait, what if it pursued me, how will I narrate that to people if I eventually didn't get eaten? My feet already started running back as fast as it could to the other route without even waiting for my instinct to show it's second self.

It was already morning. "I'll definitely go back to see if the monster was still there" I said to myself. About 10:10 am after I was done with my morning chores. I picked up my phone and headed back to the road. I could feel the chills sent down my spine as I walked down the road.

It wasn't long enough that I figured out there was no monster, it was just Mike's new scarecrow that he'd placed in his garden.

Hi @Ken95, RadDog here! Let me start off by saying that this was an amazing piece. I really enjoyed reading it. It was really good how you managed to fit the story into this many words. That being said, it did feel a little bit rushed. There were also a few grammatical errors, a lot of which were run on sentences. I would recommend checking that out. Other than that a great piece of literature. Keep up the good work and happy wriring!

Hello and greetings! I am Lezuli and I shall review this for you today!
For starters, this is a nice, creepy little story with a few minor grammatical errors that are all quick fixes. I like the way the main charector reacts to the idea of a horror monster chasing him. Instead of 'I'm too young to die', it's 'If I'm to die young, I'd rather not be eaten and torn apart so I better get moving'.
Anyway, as for the changes, all simple and grammatical stuff.

the night" I cursed under my breath

I wasn't even done contemplating when my eyes glanced through this dark, tall looking figure, just some inches away from the corner of the road, I'd sworn it came right from hell.

My first instinct was to run pass it and not look back, but wait, what if it pursued me, how will I narrate that to people if I eventually didn't get eaten?

My feet already started running back as fast as it could to the other route without even waiting for my instinct to show it's second self.

through the search box in google,

Lord Momo, Squire of the Green Room, is here to review!

To start, it's really good. You get so much in in so few words, and to me, that's not easy! This story is really well written, and you're a great author! There are just a few things I wanted to point out, so let's get started!

One thing that confused me: How old is your character? You mention him as a boy, which makes me think he's young, but when he gets home, he isn't greeted by a parent, which makes me assume he's older. If you could answer that, that would be great.

"It was a terrible idea walking through this path by this time of the night" I cursed under my breath as the path ahead looked longer and creepier than I'd imagined!

About 10:10 am after I was done with my morning chores.

The only audible sound was the hooting of an owl made at intervals, making me feel I was in a hopeless horror movie.