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Hunter - chapters one and two

by EM8650


Chapter one – Normal 17 year old

Sirens started to scream through the city, triggering those who’s dogs were out and more than likely disturbing those who were deep in study and homework or working off the hang over from last nights party. The ambulance sped past me. Humans I thought to myself always injuring themselves. If I had been a normal 17-year-old then maybe I would have stopped to remind myself that I was human too or at least part human, but I wasn’t. At least I wasn’t a normal 17 year old. My name is Violet, Violet Hart and I am a demon hunter, or I was.

Stepping out of the musty old lecture hall, the fresh cool air surrounded me. Turning in the direction of the east gate I could feel the fiery wall that had overtook my skin breaking. Inhaling deeply I could taste the salt in the air. Making a sharp right turn, I took the first step onto the stone path that lead from campus to my apartment. The stone path was lined with white daisies and dandelions that parted slightly to give room for a wooden bench. I had spent many afternoons studding and reading on the bench. The memories were so strong with emotions that I pulled out my phone to see if I had enough time to stop for a moment and relax. However, I was shot down when I realised that I was already running late for my shift at golds.

Picking up the pace, I began fumbling around my bag looking for my house keys. Just as the driveway came into view so did, the car parked outside. My mind went to the apartment above mine; it had been up for rent since the last tenets graduated a year and a half ago. I didn’t have time to worry about my new neighbours now I shoved my keys into the door and rushed inside. The apartment had two bedrooms 2 baths as well as kitchen, dining and living rooms. Dropping my bag at the first bedroom that I had turned into a study / library, I continued down the hall to my room. Pulling off my jeans and flannel, I reach for the leather mini skirt and crop top that were both far to exposing for my liking. Being a college with no other source of income but the shifts I picked up at golds meant I did what I had to in order to earn a few extra tips here and there. With one last look in the mirror, I pulled my hair into a ponytail at the back of my head, leaving my fringe out hanging across my face.

Heading back through my apartment i picked dup my phone before stepping onto the front porch and locking the door and started in the direction of the bar. The walk to golds had been fairly uneventful and quiet. Like normal Golds was packed with drunk college kids looking for a good time.

It was only halfway through my shift when I noticed the strange man in the far corner of the bar. Normally I wouldn’t pay much attention to the people that come into golds but something about this man had caught my attention. He looked to be of average height, he appeared to be well toned and in his early 20. He was in black jeans, black T-shirt and a leather jacket. His hair was a dusty shade of blonde almost the same as my co-workers.

If I had still been associated within the hunter community then I would have assumed that he was one, a well-practised young hunter, problem in his prime fitness. It’s just unfortunate for me that old habits die hard. After one last look over the man, I put my suspicions to rest that he was nothing but a creepy guy.

Chapter two – The realisation

After another hour and a half of serving drunk college kids, I turned in my apron and crashed in my tips, When I had reach the back door to the bar I could help but steal a look back to the far corner of the room where the man had been sitting earlier that night. To my surprise that the seat was empty. It was only when I stepped outside did the strange sensation that I was being followed or at least watched from close range at least. Picking up the pace I started back towards my apartment, I did not want to be caught out at night by a vampire. Especially since, I had not trained in around 2 years. Making a sharp right turn I had to pull up short to keep my self from running into the figure that stood in the centre of the path. I didn’t bother looking up as I apologised and tried to step around them and I nearly did but the figure grabbed my arm that was when it became apparent that I was dealing with a supernatural more specifically a vampire. Before I could even blink the vamp had let go of my arm and lunged for me. I side

stepped easily narrowly avoiding the attack. This time when the demon lunged I was ready failing back into old patterns I took a step forward bring my knee up into the Vampires stomach. Stepping back for a brief moment t I was able to determine that this particular vampire was female and still fairly new. With all of my senses still focused on the fledgling I was oblivious to the new arrival behind me until it was too late. Falling to my knees I could feel a large hand move around my throat cutting of my air supply. My vision was starting to cloud and I could feel the hot breathe of one of the vamps on the back of my neck as a set of fangs grazed my throat. That was when the female spoke.

“Max what do you think hunter blood tastes like?” There was no reply but instead a muffled scream and before I knew what was happening the hand that had once surrounded my neck was gone. I tried to maintain a sitting position while I regained a stead breath rate. Opening my eyes one at a time I could see the man from the bar wiping a dagger on a discarded piece of clothing next to a pile of decomposing vampire goo and another person kneeling beside me.

After assessing the situation all I was able to say was, “who, who are you guys?” The two men looked at me as if I was a clueless high school girl, that was when I saw the tattoo. The tattoo located in the forearm of one of the men was one that I recognised instantly. Still possessing what to say next I climbed to my feet. “Hunters?” I asked timidly. But this time instead of getting a look the guy that had been sitting next to me spoke. “yes.” The man spoke confidently as he continued, “I’m a Jones, he’s a Parker.” He said pointing to his friend. I look both hunters over once more before deciding whether or not to share my name. But my choice was taken away from me when the guy who had been introduced as a Parker spoke, “And you’re a hart. So can we please get going?”

I nodded my head and lead the way back to my apartment. It was strange to bring to unknown men back to my home but it needed to be done in order for me to find out why they were here.

Dropping my back in the living room, I headed straight for the kitchen only returning to meet my guests once I had three beers offering one to each before taking a seat on the opposite couch. “Alright, talk.” I demanded. The two looked at each other before one of the finally spoke.

“I’m Ethan, Ethan Jones and this is my brother Nickolas, Nicolas parker.” The tone in Ethan’s voice was light and clear but filled with a nervous tension that was clearly not present when Nick finally decided to talk.

“I’ve had enough, listen up Hart those vampires who attacked you earlier they are part of a much bigger clan who has been hunting you for the past few months. We are here to help you, to get you back in to prime hunting condition.” I was in shock; Nick was so direct in the way he spoke compared to Ethan. I more than certain that he could read my thoughts because what he said next just made me angry. “Don’t say you don’t need our help, if we hadn’t shown up when we did you be drained and left for dead by now.” He was right if it hadn’t been for them I wouldn’t be alive still but that didn’t matter I was never going to hunt again.

“I’m not a hunter anymore. I’m also capable of taking care of myself so thank you for saving me but I don’t need your help.” The look I gave them was the toughest one I could muster but it clearly wasn’t enough, because it was Ethan’s turn to make an argument.

“Listen Hart, we wouldn’t be here if we didn’t think you were in danger. I’m assuming you have herd the rumours about your families blood.” I nodded my head. “Then you know that they are not going to stop hunting you until your dead.”

I gave a sigh of defeat, they were right I needed their help if I was going to survive. “Fine.” Without a second though I left the room waving for them to follow, once I knew they were behind me I opened the front door. “Bye.” Was all I said as they stepped through the freehold before closing the door behind them.

It was only then did I let what I had just been told really sink in. I was being hunted by vampires all because of some stupid rumour about my family’s blood and what it could do for a supernatural being.


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Wed Jan 13, 2021 5:52 pm
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LUNARGIRL wrote a review...



"Sirens started to scream through the city, triggering those who’s dogs were out and more than likely disturbing those who were deep in study and homework or working off the hang over from last nights party. The ambulance sped past me. Humans I thought to myself always injuring themselves. If I had been a normal 17-year-old then maybe I would have stopped to remind myself that I was human too or at least part human, but I wasn’t. At least I wasn’t a normal 17 year old. My name is Violet, Violet Hart and I am a demon hunter, or I was."

Great start to your story. It managed to catch my interest instantly. It makes you wonder what she did that made her stop being a demon hunter.

"Stepping out of the musty old lecture hall, the fresh cool air surrounded me. Turning in the direction of the east gate I could feel the fiery wall that had overtook my skin breaking. Inhaling deeply I could taste the salt in the air. Making a sharp right turn, I took the first step onto the stone path that lead from campus to my apartment. The stone path was lined with white daisies and dandelions that parted slightly to give room for a wooden bench. I had spent many afternoons studding and reading on the bench. The memories were so strong with emotions that I pulled out my phone to see if I had enough time to stop for a moment and relax. However, I was shot down when I realised that I was already running late for my shift at golds."

Great use of description, but more information about the main character would be nice, even if it's just a little detail on them.

"Picking up the pace, I began fumbling around my bag looking for my house keys. Just as the driveway came into view so did, the car parked outside. My mind went to the apartment above mine; it had been up for rent since the last tenets graduated a year and a half ago. I didn’t have time to worry about my new neighbours now I shoved my keys into the door and rushed inside. The apartment had two bedrooms 2 baths as well as kitchen, dining and living rooms. Dropping my bag at the first bedroom that I had turned into a study / library, I continued down the hall to my room. Pulling off my jeans and flannel, I reach for the leather mini skirt and crop top that were both far to exposing for my liking. Being a college with no other source of income but the shifts I picked up at golds meant I did what I had to in order to earn a few extra tips here and there. With one last look in the mirror, I pulled my hair into a ponytail at the back of my head, leaving my fringe out hanging across my face."

So far you have done a good job of describing the character and lets us know more about her. Along with where she lives and what her life is like.

"Heading back through my apartment i picked dup my phone before stepping onto the front porch and locking the door and started in the direction of the bar. The walk to golds had been fairly uneventful and quiet. Like normal Golds was packed with drunk college kids looking for a good time."

Some more description about what her apartment looked like would be nice. Like the color of the walls.

"It was only halfway through my shift when I noticed the strange man in the far corner of the bar. Normally I wouldn’t pay much attention to the people that come into golds but something about this man had caught my attention. He looked to be of average height, he appeared to be well toned and in his early 20. He was in black jeans, black T-shirt and a leather jacket. His hair was a dusty shade of blonde almost the same as my co-workers."

Now things start to get interesting. Also great job with your use of description here.

"If I had still been associated within the hunter community then I would have assumed that he was one, a well-practised young hunter, problem in his prime fitness. It’s just unfortunate for me that old habits die hard. After one last look over the man, I put my suspicions to rest that he was nothing but a creepy guy."

Let me guess, something bad is about to happen. This feeling just wants to make the reader read more to see what will happen next.

Great job, can't wait to read what you write next!

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL




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Mon Sep 28, 2020 2:50 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi EM!
I noticed you've got one of these in the green room and I've actually got some time this afternoon so thought I'd go back and start from the beginning :)

I see Harry has already mentioned your chapter length. It's not necessarily a bad thing that they're quite short, but possibly something to consider when you go through and edit these. Personally, I think you can combine these two because there isn't a clear reason for a change. The best reasons to start a new chapter are a change of place, time or point of view. Sometimes it can be easy to fall into the habit of planning novels by chapters instead of by events and then your chapters don't feel as natural (in my opinion, anyway). Just something to bear in mind!

Sirens started to scream through the city, triggering those who’s dogs were out and more than likely disturbing those who were deep in study and homework or working off the hang over from last nights party.

Should be 'whose'.
Also, hangover is only one word.
Other than that, an interesting opening. It immediately draws your reader in and gets them to ask questions which in turn will make them read on.

Humans I thought to myself always injuring themselves.

I think you need to make it clearer that these are thoughts. Perhaps try using italics, like this:
Humans, I thought to myself. Always injuring themselves.

See how that makes it a bit clearer to follow?

If I had been a normal 17-year-old then maybe I would have stopped to remind myself that I was human too or at least part human, but I wasn’t . At least I wasn’t a normal 17 year old. My name is Violet, Violet Hart and I am a demon hunter, or I was.

This is a bit too much to read all at once. I would remove as above and make the first two sentences one slightly longer one. I also think that adding in their full name makes it a bit too forced so I would remove that for now and see if you can have it come up more naturally.

Stepping out of the musty old lecture hall, the fresh cool air surrounded me. Turning in the direction of the east gate I could feel the fiery wall that had overtook my skin breaking. Inhaling deeply I could taste the salt in the air.

You have three sentences here that all start the same way - could you change that up a bit?

However, I was shot down when I realised that I was already running late for my shift at golds.

As I'm guessing Golds is a the name of a place (a proper noun) it should be capitalised.

After another hour and a half of serving drunk college kids, I turned in my apron and crashed in my tips,

should be 'cashed' and I think you need a full stop at the end here.

Picking up the pace I started back towards my apartment, I did not want to be caught out at night by a vampire. Especially since, I had not trained in around 2 years. Making a sharp right turn I had to pull up short to keep my self from running into the figure that stood in the centre of the path. I didn’t bother looking up as I apologised and tried to step around them and I nearly did but the figure grabbed my arm that was when it became apparent that I was dealing with a supernatural more specifically a vampire.

I would start a new paragraph here. I would also add something to heighten the tension in the final sentence. Perhaps 'dealing with a supernatural... more specifically, a vampire'
Not 100% sure of that one but I think it would help improve pacing in this paragraph.

After assessing the situation all I was able to say was, “who, who are you guys?” The two men looked at me as if I was a clueless high school girl, that was when I saw the tattoo. The tattoo located in the forearm of one of the men was one that I recognised instantly. Still possessing what to say next I climbed to my feet. “Hunters?” I asked timidly. But this time instead of getting a look the guy that had been sitting next to me spoke. “yes.” The man spoke confidently as he continued, “I’m a Jones, he’s a Parker.” He said pointing to his friend. I look both hunters over once more before deciding whether or not to share my name. But my choice was taken away from me when the guy who had been introduced as a Parker spoke, “And you’re a hart. So can we please get going?”

You need to start a new paragraph each time someone new speaks. Otherwise it gets confusing :)

I nodded my head and lead the way back to my apartment. It was strange to bring to unknown men back to my home but it needed to be done in order for me to find out why they were here.

This is very strange! Is it normal to bring strangers home if they're hunters? Perhaps she could take them to a quiet corner of a public place? Then she might not feel as vulnerable?

“I’ve had enough, listen up Hart those vampires who attacked you earlier they are part of a much bigger clan who has been hunting you for the past few months. We are here to help you, to get you back in to prime hunting condition.” I was in shock; Nick was so direct in the way he spoke compared to Ethan. I more than certain that he could read my thoughts because what he said next just made me angry. “Don’t say you don’t need our help, if we hadn’t shown up when we did you be drained and left for dead by now.” He was right if it hadn’t been for them I wouldn’t be alive still but that didn’t matter I was never going to hunt again.

Again, it's hard to work out who is talking here.

It was only then did I let what I had just been told really sink in. I was being hunted by vampires all because of some stupid rumour about my family’s blood and what it could do for a supernatural being.

Ok, I think your pacing may need to slow down in the second chapter. The first worked well with limited information, but I feel like we've jut had an info dump (dump of information) for chapter two and it makes it harder to read and follow. When you come to edit, perhaps see if there are ways to hold back some of this information and release it to the reader more slowly. It helps build tension and intrigue, all whilst avoiding bombarding the reader with information.

Overall a good start! I'm interested to see where you take the story.

Hope some of this was helpful :)

Icy




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Tue Sep 08, 2020 6:36 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Harry here to leave a few reviews on this novel of yours.

First Impression: So this sounds like a really interesting novel that you've started here. The chapters are a bit on the shorter side but that's not too much of an issue. You've got yourself a pretty intriguing conflict introduced here right at the start and our protagonist seems to be pretty well fleshed out too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Sirens started to scream through the city, triggering those who’s dogs were out and more than likely disturbing those who were deep in study and homework or working off the hang over from last nights party. The ambulance sped past me. Humans I thought to myself always injuring themselves. If I had been a normal 17-year-old then maybe I would have stopped to remind myself that I was human too or at least part human, but I wasn’t. At least I wasn’t a normal 17 year old. My name is Violet, Violet Hart and I am a demon hunter, or I was.


Well that is a pretty interesting and rather neat way of introducing the character here. Great start to the chapter that you've got here. Definitely managed to catch my interest.

Stepping out of the musty old lecture hall, the fresh cool air surrounded me. Turning in the direction of the east gate I could feel the fiery wall that had overtook my skin breaking. Inhaling deeply I could taste the salt in the air. Making a sharp right turn, I took the first step onto the stone path that lead from campus to my apartment. The stone path was lined with white daisies and dandelions that parted slightly to give room for a wooden bench. I had spent many afternoons studding and reading on the bench. The memories were so strong with emotions that I pulled out my phone to see if I had enough time to stop for a moment and relax. However, I was shot down when I realised that I was already running late for my shift at golds.


Those are some pretty nice descriptions that you've got right there. And the bit of information about our protagonist doesn't hurt either.

Picking up the pace, I began fumbling around my bag looking for my house keys. Just as the driveway came into view so did, the car parked outside. My mind went to the apartment above mine; it had been up for rent since the last tenets graduated a year and a half ago. I didn’t have time to worry about my new neighbours now I shoved my keys into the door and rushed inside. The apartment had two bedrooms 2 baths as well as kitchen, dining and living rooms. Dropping my bag at the first bedroom that I had turned into a study / library, I continued down the hall to my room. Pulling off my jeans and flannel, I reach for the leather mini skirt and crop top that were both far to exposing for my liking. Being a college with no other source of income but the shifts I picked up at golds meant I did what I had to in order to earn a few extra tips here and there. With one last look in the mirror, I pulled my hair into a ponytail at the back of my head, leaving my fringe out hanging across my face.


Okay so far you're doing a pretty good job of establishing our main character here quite well and introducing her to the readers with some nice descriptions and little bits of information about her life.

Heading back through my apartment i picked dup my phone before stepping onto the front porch and locking the door and started in the direction of the bar. The walk to golds had been fairly uneventful and quiet. Like normal Golds was packed with drunk college kids looking for a good time.


You're capitalization of "Golds" has been a little inconsistent throughout this first part here.

[qupte]It was only halfway through my shift when I noticed the strange man in the far corner of the bar. Normally I wouldn’t pay much attention to the people that come into golds but something about this man had caught my attention. He looked to be of average height, he appeared to be well toned and in his early 20. He was in black jeans, black T-shirt and a leather jacket. His hair was a dusty shade of blonde almost the same as my co-workers.[/quote]

That is another great description that you've got here with this dude.

After another hour and a half of serving drunk college kids, I turned in my apron and crashed in my tips, When I had reach the back door to the bar I could help but steal a look back to the far corner of the room where the man had been sitting earlier that night. To my surprise that the seat was empty. It was only when I stepped outside did the strange sensation that I was being followed or at least watched from close range at least. Picking up the pace I started back towards my apartment, I did not want to be caught out at night by a vampire. Especially since, I had not trained in around 2 years. Making a sharp right turn I had to pull up short to keep my self from running into the figure that stood in the centre of the path. I didn’t bother looking up as I apologised and tried to step around them and I nearly did but the figure grabbed my arm that was when it became apparent that I was dealing with a supernatural more specifically a vampire. Before I could even blink the vamp had let go of my arm and lunged for me. I side


That looks like an accidental enter key press there. It's definitely done in a very odd place, like in the middle of a word that is usually hyphenated.

stepped easily narrowly avoiding the attack. This time when the demon lunged I was ready failing back into old patterns I took a step forward bring my knee up into the Vampires stomach. Stepping back for a brief moment t I was able to determine that this particular vampire was female and still fairly new. With all of my senses still focused on the fledgling I was oblivious to the new arrival behind me until it was too late. Falling to my knees I could feel a large hand move around my throat cutting of my air supply. My vision was starting to cloud and I could feel the hot breathe of one of the vamps on the back of my neck as a set of fangs grazed my throat. That was when the female spoke.


Okay this part is just a little confusing. It sounds like she fell to her knees before the hand closed around here throat and that doesn't seem to make too much sense unless this other vampire kicked her from behind or something. I think you need to make that just a bit clearer.

“Max what do you think hunter blood tastes like?” There was no reply but instead a muffled scream and before I knew what was happening the hand that had once surrounded my neck was gone. I tried to maintain a sitting position while I regained a stead breath rate. Opening my eyes one at a time I could see the man from the bar wiping a dagger on a discarded piece of clothing next to a pile of decomposing vampire goo and another person kneeling beside me.


Hmm that was a nice bit of tension that you built up there before it was resolved.

After assessing the situation all I was able to say was, “who, who are you guys?” The two men looked at me as if I was a clueless high school girl, that was when I saw the tattoo. The tattoo located in the forearm of one of the men was one that I recognised instantly. Still possessing what to say next I climbed to my feet. “Hunters?” I asked timidly. But this time instead of getting a look the guy that had been sitting next to me spoke. “yes.” The man spoke confidently as he continued, “I’m a Jones, he’s a Parker.” He said pointing to his friend. I look both hunters over once more before deciding whether or not to share my name. But my choice was taken away from me when the guy who had been introduced as a Parker spoke, “And you’re a hart. So can we please get going?”


Well at the moment I am not quite getting what's going on here but I suppose that is good because you haven't info dumped on us and that's appreciable.

“I’ve had enough, listen up Hart those vampires who attacked you earlier they are part of a much bigger clan who has been hunting you for the past few months. We are here to help you, to get you back in to prime hunting condition.” I was in shock; Nick was so direct in the way he spoke compared to Ethan. I more than certain that he could read my thoughts because what he said next just made me angry. “Don’t say you don’t need our help, if we hadn’t shown up when we did you be drained and left for dead by now.” He was right if it hadn’t been for them I wouldn’t be alive still but that didn’t matter I was never going to hunt again.


I sense some interesting worldbuilding going on here.

I gave a sigh of defeat, they were right I needed their help if I was going to survive. “Fine.” Without a second though I left the room waving for them to follow, once I knew they were behind me I opened the front door. “Bye.” Was all I said as they stepped through the freehold before closing the door behind them.

It was only then did I let what I had just been told really sink in. I was being hunted by vampires all because of some stupid rumour about my family’s blood and what it could do for a supernatural being.


Oooh lovely place to end things there. Its certainly a great hook for readers to be trying to figure out what this property of the blood could be and how it might relate to what's going on in this one. Great little cliffhanger almost to end on.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall it was certainly a great start to a novel. I definitely I'm interested in continuing to read and I think I will actually be reading the next few chapters as soon as I can.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Sep 06, 2020 2:33 pm
Stormblessed242 wrote a review...



Hello, Stormblessed here!
Good job on the first chapter. Intriguing storyline, and good descriptions!
There are some writing errors, which I'll point out for you.

Ok, to start with, names of people and places need to be capitalized. You're a little inconsistent with that, so make sure you go over it again and capitalize what you need to. Words like "Golds" and "Hart" are examples. Make sure you capitalize the first words in your sentences too.

Another recurring problem is with commas. Sometimes you don't put one where you should, and there are a few unnecessary ones in places. I'll point them out for you.

Humans I thought to myself always injuring themselves.

Actually, since this is a thought of our main character, you should put it into italics like this: "Humans, I thought to myself. Always injuring themselves."

The apartment had two bedrooms 2 baths as well as kitchen, dining and living rooms.

Try writing it like this: "The apartment has two bedrooms, two baths, as well as kitchen, dining and living rooms."
Add those commas, and usually we don't write "2," just write out "two."
Normally I wouldn’t pay much attention to the people that come into golds but something about this man had caught my attention.

Again, capitalize Golds, and put a comma after it.
I didn’t bother looking up as I apologised and tried to step around them and I nearly did but the figure grabbed my arm that was when it became apparent that I was dealing with a supernatural more specifically a vampire.

This sentence is run-in. That means it's not coherent, and needs to be broken up, maybe into two sentences. I would rewrite it like this:
"I didn't bother looking up as I apologized and tried to step around them, but the figure grabbed my arm. That was when it became apparent that I was dealing with a supernatural. More specifically, a vampire."
I side

stepped easily narrowly avoiding the attack.

Something happened here. I think you just accidentally pressed the return button. You should put a comma after "easily."
This time when the demon lunged I was ready failing back into old patterns I took a step forward bring my knee up into the Vampires stomach.

I don't think vampire should be capitalized, since you haven't capitalized it up till now. Also, this is more like two sentences than one. A period after "patterns" should do the trick.
Falling to my knees I could feel a large hand move around my throat cutting of my air supply.

Ok, so a couple of mistakes here. "Of" should be "off," and there should be a comma after "throat."
He was right if it hadn’t been for them I wouldn’t be alive still but that didn’t matter I was never going to hunt again.

Try rewriting it like this: "He was right. If it hadn't been for them, I wouldn't be alive right now. But that didn't matter. I was never going to hunt again."
I’m also capable of taking care of myself so thank you for saving me but I don’t need your help.”

Try this: "I'm also capable of taking care of myself, so thank you for saving me, but I don't need your help."

That's all the comma mistakes is could find. There are a few other mistypes and and misspellings, but if you go over it with a critical eye, I'm sure you'll find them.
That's all I have for you. I know it's a lot, but mistakes are part of the learning process! Just keep writing, and you'll have a great story!

Hope this helped,
Stormblessed242
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EM8650 says...


Thank you.



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Sat Sep 05, 2020 9:37 am
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Horselover1001 wrote a review...



Dear EM8650,
I LOVE the story, if there's one thing you're great at, it's putting a picture in my mind. I can see all of the twists and turns that the story takes. One thing that you could do to make it better is to keep going🙂🙂. I can tell that you're going places in the world of writing. I mean I'm not really one to say much, when you look at my stories you see a little girls writing, but I'm getting there. What I'm trying to say is keep up the good work.
Hope you had a great day.

Good luck with the rest of the story,
Horselover101




EM8650 says...


Thank you. I'm really glade that you like the story.





Your welcome



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Sat Sep 05, 2020 9:34 am
Horselover1001 says...







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