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Monster

by TheMessenger15


Emptiness clouds my vision of the world that is and yet to be. Unsure of what lies ahead despite the idea of fate being similar to the strong roots of the tree.

The winds howl fiercely in the night, the echoes of those terrible screams carrying on until the coming of first light. I know that I will never find peace again under the darkness of the dusk, for the screams continue on to the point of driving me to insanity and thus I do what I must.

I throw my head back and roar unto the heavens, beckoning it to come asunder till all the universe hears and acknowledges my presence. Yet it is but a far cry from the bitter truth of reality, as I have no recollection of any time that I felt a part of this world, sharing any resemblance to humanity.

It’s as if I exist on a different plane of existence. As if I am the only living thing in the world and that the rest are but ghosts of an empty shell that I can never truly be a part of regardless of my insistence. I feel that the only time they truly know I am ever there is when they hear my bellow of rage at why they don’t understand me, their reply, however, is to ignore my never-ending despair.

Monster. That is what they call me. Something that frightens small children in their nightmares and terrifies superstitious people unto disbelief. When the fighting comes, I am addressed but even then, they cease to understand why I always seem melancholic and emotionally repressed.

If I am nothing then I am their terror and they shall forever cower in despair. I am Grendel from the tale of Beowulf, I am Morgoth from the Lays of Beleriand, I am the Hellspawn sent from the fiery depths of Hades, I am the concept of horror and fear. I am the brutish fiend, I am the dark of the abyss, the crusher of dreams, stealer of hope. I am their creator and inevitable destruction. I am alone.

In this cycle of horror, I shall stay, trapped in this cold world where shadow and lie are left unturned every day. Till hatred consumes what’s left of me that man rejected, or till I try living my life from a slightly different perspective.


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Wed Aug 05, 2020 2:59 am
Morrigan wrote a review...



Howdy! Since you say you're rusty, I'll be sure to get my tetanus shots!

Prose poetry is hard. It's hard to review, too. It's really devoid of any traditional poetic structure, and it's not a short story, so it's something in between. I'm going to overlook your structure, and focus on your imagery and the overall feeling of the piece.

I understand that you're trying to convey a feeling of insanity, instability, and loneliness. I am not sure that your voice and tone are working together to create the best way to convey these feelings. Honestly, the archaic voice makes the narrator sound a bit too edgelord-y to be taken seriously. You list all of the titles for the narrator, and instead of feeling the power from these characters, I just get an image of a powerless man who is screaming and clutching at straws. He wants people to fear him, but they just pity him. Consider changing your tone to something more modern if this poem was meant to be taken seriously.

This piece is also very wordy. I like to streamline my wordier pieces, so I can use fewer words that are just as descriptive. Here's my process, with an example from your text:

The winds howl fiercely in the night, the echoes of those terrible screams carrying on until the coming of first light. I know that I will never find peace again under the darkness of the dusk, for the screams continue on to the point of driving me to insanity and thus I do what I must.


Take a look at it, and take out all words that do not directly affect the sentence structure.

The winds howl in the night, the echoes of screams carrying until first light. I will never find peace under the darkness of dusk; screams continue on to the point of driving me to insanity, and thus I do what I must.

The first part sounds better already! The second part is a little messy without actually changing any words, but not to worry! That's the next step!

The winds howl at night, echoing screams carrying til first light. Peace eludes me in the darkness of dusk; screams drive me insane, and I do what I must.

I was even able to preserve that little rhyme you have going on there! Try doing this with your whole poem to improve the clarity of your writing, and to improve enjoyment of the reader, as well.

I hope that this review proves useful to you! I feel that this can be a good prose poem with a bit of rewriting. Let me know if you have any questions! Happy writing!




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Sun Aug 02, 2020 5:00 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hi, Messenger! I'm Lee, and here to review this poem.

To start off, the format was slightly confusing; I assumed it was a story you had put in the wrong section, then told myself it had to be a poem, then thought it was a story again. I'd suggest breaking up the lines and generally tweaking the look.
That being said, it's a very nice poem, with good imagery and powerful imagery.
I'm going to point out places where you can improve; feel free to take whatever you find useful.

Unsure of the certainty of what lies ahead despite the idea of fate being similar to the strong roots of the tree.

As a single sentence, this does not make sense grammatically. You can fix this by simply adding "I am" to the beginning of it.

the echoes of those terrible screams carry on

If you had broken each line into smaller ones, this wouldn't be a problem, but it should be carrying on, not carry on.

I know that I will never find peace again under the darkness of the dusk, for the screams continue on to the point of driving me to insanity and thus I do what I must.

Long, long sentence that, in my opinion, doesn't really add anything to the poem. "Do what i must"; what is it he's doing/ Roaring? That sounds just a bit silly. Frighten them? Why? They're already screaming.

beckoning it to come asunder

The word "come" is usually never used with "asunder". It doesn't make sense as of now; replace "come' with "tear."

As if I am the only living thing in the world and that the rest

No need for the "that" in this sentence.

ghosts of an empty shell that I can never truly be a part of regardless of my persistence.

What is he persisting against?

Is when they hear my bellow of rage at why they don’t understand me, their reply, however, is to ignore my never-ending despair.

This sentence makes absolutely no sense to me. It's very messy, and I'm quite sure you used the wrong words, though I can't tell where; it's hard to see where the change is necessary because the whole sentence needs to be rewritten.

and terrifies superstitious people unto disbelief.

Why would superstitious people be driven to disbelief if their superstitions are true? If anything, they'd just be more scared.

When the fighting comes, then I am addressed

Remove the "then", it's not to be used here. and there can be a comma after "addressed."

I am Morgoth from the Lays of Beleriand

This entire stanza was very well-written and the best of the poem, but as a Tolkien fan this irked me; the Lays of Beleriand is just ONE BOOK in which Morgoth mentioned. I'd suggest saying "Morgoth of Arda" or something.

or till I try living my life from a slightly different perspective.

This was a very poor ending. Until now it sounds like the narrator is trapped in a loop of chaos or something which he can't break out of, and then all of a sudden all he needs to do is change his perspective? It only has to be "slightly different", too. That threw the rest of the poem in shambles. I would recommend you add a few more lines that hint at hope rather than outright saying the narrator can be free of this cycle.

That's it!

Like I said, I love all the imagery and the raw emotion in this poem. I do think that emotion doesn't come off very well to the reader, but you've done a good job overall, and I'd love to see more of your work.
And I'm sorry if my review was critical; I'm just trying to help you out.
Good luck, and keep writing!
- Lee






Hi, Lee I really appreciate your thorough breakdown of what you liked and disliked from my poem. I have taken a lot of what you said oboard and I just wanted to clarify some questions you had regarding some of the stanzas:

1. Long, long sentence that, in my opinion, doesn't really add anything to the poem. "Do what I must"; what is it he's doing/ Roaring? That sounds just a bit silly. Frighten them? Why? They're already screaming.

What my character is describing when he says "he does everything he can" this is in reference to his efforts to resist divulging into physically manifesting his broken thoughts and urges due to the insanity brought on by the screams he hears on a constant basis.

2. What is he persisting against?

You are correct this sentence doesn't make sense cause I used the word persistence instead of insistence. What I am referring to here is describing the character's loneliness due to his failed attempts in integrating with society and comparing humans to ghosts or ethereal spirits as in his viewpoint no matter how hard he tries to be a part of the human world, they always seem to be elusive and aloof to his efforts despite his efforts to be part of their life, they seem to be so well removed from his circle of existence its as if they live on a different plane of living and can't really see or know he exists hence why they choose to shun him.

3. This sentence makes absolutely no sense to me. It's very messy, and I'm quite sure you used the wrong words, though I can't tell where; it's hard to see where the change is necessary because the whole sentence needs to be rewritten.

Yes, I agree that this sentence was extremely messy and I fixed it to make it run more smoothly.

4. Why would superstitious people be driven to disbelief if their superstitions are true? If anything, they'd just be more scared.

What I am trying to convey in this line is when humans naturally witness or see something that frightens them on a primal level and something that defies conventional explanation. Automatically a common reaction is to question everything that they thought they believed in if it fails to explain what they saw and the fear it caused them (in this example my character) hence it is describing his ability to shake people's faith in a higher power or whatever they may believe in due to the fear he instills people.

Again I really appreciate your feedback and this is by no means a form of disrespect towards you, I just wanted to clarify my stances on the parts you were confused at. Just so I didn't look like an ignorant twit haha.

TheMessenger15



LittleLee says...


Oh, okay. I'm glad I could be of help.



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Sun Aug 02, 2020 3:26 am
VioletFantasy wrote a review...



Hey @TheMessenger15!
I’m here to review your poem. I really like all of the imagery you used throughout it, like “ The winds howl fiercely in the night, the echoes of those terrible screams carry on until the coming of first light.“ It sets the spooky tone of the poem.

Another part that I really appreciated was when you listed out the names of commonly known monsters. This allows the readers to connect to the poem and to understand what your monster is like. Your monster is every monster, even the ones without a physical form.

I have one spelling correction to make. In “ It’s as if I exist on a different plain of existence.”, you used the wrong spelling of plain. It should be plane. Other than that, I don’t see any mistakes. Good job!
VioletFantasy





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