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An Apology

by Gravitem


I'm sorry, mother
I don't really have the mind for science
All those equations were just too easy.

I'm sorry, mother
I can't be what you think I am
All this pressure, it just ain't for me.

I'm sorry, mother
I know I've never considered your advice
But just this once, let me fail you again.


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8 Reviews


Points: 14
Reviews: 8

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Sun Aug 02, 2020 4:45 am
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oceans wrote a review...



Hi Gravitem!

Your poem seems to come straight from the heart, and that is a very good thing. I think, as artists (in every sense of the word), that we should write things from the heart in hopes to create a community that can relate to each other through similar experiences.

It takes courage to write something deep like this, good job.

Your poem itself packs a punch, but the only thing i would suggest would be to fix a little punctuation, as in to add the commas after "I'm sorry" but that's it!

Keep writing!

<3




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163 Reviews


Points: 10013
Reviews: 163

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Sat Aug 01, 2020 5:26 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey there Gravy, it's Lee!
I haven't written a review in ages, so bear with me, haha.

To begin with, this is, as Inconspicuous already mentioned, very clearly from the heart. It was smooth and generally well-written, but I'd like to suggest some improvements. Feel free to take whatever advice you find useful.

I'm sorry mother

I think using a comma after "sorry" and another after "mother" would add a sense of gravitemty to the poem. It also makes it grammatically correct.
(I'm so sorry, I couldn't resist xD)

And generally, I'd suggest using punctuation? Otherwise each paragraph is essentially one big, chunky sentence, even when clearly it is not meant to be seen that way. For example, "I can't be what you think I am" could have a semi colon at the end.

But just this once, let me fail you again.

To me, this was awkwardly worded. The parts highlighted in bold contradict each other to an extent; perhaps you could change this line to,
"But one last time, let me fail you again.", or something like that. It's up to you.

Otherwise, this poem is short, simple, and sweet. Knowing the background behind this, I can only say you've done a really good job of expressing yourself. It's also quite relatable, so more points for that!
I hope you found my review useful.
Keep writing!
- Lee




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53 Reviews


Points: 3674
Reviews: 53

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Sat Aug 01, 2020 3:44 pm
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IconspicuoslyAlpacaing wrote a review...



Hello, Myth! (do you still go by that name?)

This poem was powerful, straightforward, and clearly came from the heart. I don't have many things to say about it that aren't positive, really. I will say that it was almost a little too straightforward, as poetry is typically an alternate form expressing something, rather than just saying it outright. However, that's really just a personal opinion, and I'm not here to dictate your art. All in all, wonderful poem, with a beautiful and bittersweet subject.

P.S. This is almost entirely off-topic, but I can't help but read every 'I'm sorry mother' to the tune of Imagine Dragon's 'Amsterdam', but hey, maybe that's just me.




Gravitem says...


Dude, SAME! ONLY REALIZED AFTER I WROTE IT



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25 Reviews


Points: 162
Reviews: 25

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Sat Aug 01, 2020 7:12 am
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Tanishka says...



Hey Gravitem!

This poem is very convincing of what you are trying to say. It is a simple one but it is beautiful and really relevant. It is a really good poem and the last stanza is my favourite. I hope you post more such poems. Also, I read your other poems and they are really amazing. :)





When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.
— Dean Jackson