Young Writers Society

I think this was written beautifully. When i was reading this piece i was thinking of my grandmother who passed on when i was just in grade one or two and somehow i still hold on to the memories. many a times i wish she could come back especially as i was growing up, you know at a young age death is misinterpreted by children. So i always wished she would come back because i missed her growing up and i feel she missed out on seeing me growing up. But all that is now memories and that's all i can hold onto.

I can easily relate to the poem and i really like it. The sentences were short and well written.

Keep it up.

I think this was beautifully written. I like how you styled your poem as well with the indentations. In a way, it makes it easier to read because the short lines aren't piled on top of each other. I think as we get older we all learn how this feels. Unfortunately, it's a terrible feeling, but you've displayed it very well here. The way you wrote it, it's almost like a forbidden love that you hide. I think you wrote very well. Good job!

Ah this is a nice narrative poem that explores a theme that I think many can relate too! I felt the theme came across pretty clearly (which is always good in poetry!) the poem seemed to be about a speaker who had been left by someone they had strong feelings for, and now they're mourning the loss of that loved one or friend and instead of time making it easier, it actually is making it harder.

I thought the repetition/refrains was useful in the poem because the poem was rather short and it gave the poem a sense of time passing or like the pain was getting harder and harder for the speaker to bear.

A few suggestions:

Making the lines a bit more even will add neatness to the poem, but it will also improve the flow - you kept them pretty even here, but there are a few that got a bit long/short and would be worth taking a second look at.

Also I think this poem would really benefit from two things: 1) More Specificity and 2) Greater use of metaphors or poetic devices.

Specificity
Right now we know that the speaker was left by someone they love -> but we really aren't given any concrete details about the person who left; their behavior, their personality, their appearance or anything. That makes it hard for readers to relate or understand the relationship and makes it seem like the speaker is talking /around/ love instead of talking /about/ love directly. I hope that makes sense! I've written an article on Specificity in Poetry that can give you more ideas about how to add specificity to your writing

Metaphors and Poetic Devices
My secound suggestion is to work more with metaphors and poetic devices - right now the poem is really just a straight narrative - > it tells a story, but it doesn't have many of the fun elements that make a poem feel like a poem. Adding a few metaphors, comparisons, or sound devices are really going to make your poem shine. I like the idea of "time" making the pain harder, because people normally speak in the opposite way - > that time makes pain easier. Maybe you could play with that concept of time a bit more since that's a really great point your poem makes.

I hope that gives you some ideas to think on for editing! Good job on the structure and organization of this piece, I hope to read more poetry from you soon.

~ alliyah

This review courtesy of

I'm not good at grammar or at breaking these things down and reviewing them from a technical aspect.
I liked your poem. its relatable to me and it makes me sad as I relate to it.

I imagined a a story as i read it. a person who became friend with someone else, afraid to tell them their true feeling. knowing that they would be rejected they kept it bottled up but it gets harder the longer they keep it to themselves. then one day that person moves away, without ever knowing how their friend felt about them. unable to tell them how they felt they keep those feelings bottled, hiding them. wondering if the pain of keeping it away would eventually be healed but it wont. it will never be since they never decided to tell them to anyone.

i relate to that story as im sure many would, cause i myself have felt that. ive done that, and i am still doing that. your story like many others on this site, sticks with me.

thank you for writing this.