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FOUR WALLS

by andreaontheblock


FOUR

WALLS

Between you and me



ANDRES

2020





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Copyright ©2020







To my great best friends since year 2010 Camille Anne and Mary Jane,

To Jayze, Nica, and Rio.

To my failed work trip last 2016

To those who wait for me to fail, you know

Life still gave me lemons

But I studied on how to make lemonade

And I loved it more with cucumber on it.

so I guess, CHEERS TO MORE CUCUMBER LEMONADE?

ANDRES

2020






----

You love asking how I am

Over and over till

I start to wonder why your words seems so simple

Plain and light

Feeling-less

Soul-less

----

January February, March

April and May

Weeks pass by while

Sun dried both our skin

Then June July and August came

Flooded our roads

Kept our body cold

September, October and November

We celebrated our birthdays together

But then December came

You left me hanging after Christmas Day

----

Momma once told me

That I can be who

I want to be

So I dreamt every day

And night

Imagining every detail

Of what they might

Our future holds

I truly hoped

Not for me

But for the people I loved the most




----


You kept on asking yourself

“What have I done wrong?”

“How can I save us both?”

“Why do you leave me all alone?”

----

People say that

Distance never keeps love holding on

But if you will really think deep about it

Distance never let go

But people always do

----

We fell in love at an early age

We struggle till we reached college

You met new friends

And I did the same

Our future was planned

We both sacrificed

Years passed us by

And ended up bidding goodbyes

----

How is it even possible?

To lose yourself just to hold on to another

Does love keeps us sane?

Or we, ourselves are the ones

who is the real insane?

----

I met you at summer

We conquered winter together

Secret dine-out till dawn

Never knew the word “last”

Till the day we broke apart

----

Days go on and on

Every chance we get

To clear our head

We search for better questions

But they don’t end

----

In life,

Happiness is a choice

You have to move forward

And not to look backwards

Coz your past is in the back

And moving forward will save you

From falling back to that past

----

When I was young

I used to write love letters

For my family

And for the ones I loved to see

Now

I wrote songs and poems

About love, fear and hope

Not for others but for me

To look back

On how we used to be

----

I never thought that I will feel hell after experiencing heaven

----

Our parents told us

to choose our friends wisely

Thank God you came

Failing will never be boring again

----

I thought being alone is the saddest part of growing up

Little did I know that

Alone is the sibling of peace

in this materialistic world

That we are currently in

----

I still kept your image in my head

Your touch lingering my hand

Never would have thought

That one will be away

And the one will stay

That we are too far away

----

I really wanted to understand

Why my thoughts keeps on crumbling in

Then I got used to

Losing all my words to say

To keep you till May

----

But how can you keep someone

And fight with all your might

If they don’t want to be

And they want to be free



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User avatar


Points: 27
Reviews: 4

Donate
Wed Jul 01, 2020 1:28 am
calmyindanger wrote a review...



the feeling the poem gives is something many can relate to. friend growing distant, and long distance relationships falling apart. many have experienced what this poem explains and it brings me some sort of regret filled pain. although in some parts of the poem i did loose rhythm and it was a little bit hard to understand. and some of the wording felt of as well. im not one to speak because i may simply be looking to hard for something that isnt there. thank you




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165 Reviews


Points: 3459
Reviews: 165

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 8:49 pm
JesseWrites wrote a review...



Hello there,

I'm just going to quote the stanzas and say what I think near them, so this should be easy to follow along with. If you have any questions about what I mean or what to fix, you can always just ask me because I would be happy to explain. Also, welcome to YWS!

In life, This is the only thing is this stanza with a punctuation mark.

Happiness is a choice

You have to move forward

And not to look backwards

Coz your past is in the back 'Coz' is not a word because it is red underlined.

And moving forward will save you

From falling back to that past


Okay, pretty good there. Not a lot to add on or correct, but the thing with capitalization is that it doesn't look tidy and is normally a sign of newness. The same with lack of commas and even a period here or there.

When I was young

I used to write love letters

For my family Also here.

And for the ones I loved to see

Now This 'now' looks a little out of place because of how short that 'line' is.

I wrote songs and poems

About love, fear and hope

Not for others but for me

To look back Same thing here.

On how we used to be


That stanza was clean, but it didn't look finished because of the short lines and I say lines because sometimes it's only a word, which usually is followed with more, but in this case it is alone.

Good poem though.
Have a good day,
Haley.




Random avatar

Points: 176
Reviews: 2

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 1:24 pm



The poet is good, though there were some parts you could have added a rhythm.

"January February, March

April and May

Weeks pass by while

Sun dried both our skin"

You could have added away at the last, making it rhythm with May.
I am not well versed in poetry so if I messed up, sorry. But I felt like saying it.




Random avatar

Points: 176
Reviews: 2

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 1:23 pm
NoobWriterIsHere wrote a review...



The poet is good, though there were some parts you could have added a rhythm.

"January February, March

April and May

Weeks pass by while

Sun dried both our skin"

You could have added away at the last, making it rhythm with May.
I am not well versed in poetry so if I messed up, sorry. But I felt like saying it.




User avatar


Points: 46
Reviews: 1

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 8:23 am
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This is my on-going work, and I hope everyone will leave comments that will surely help me in developing my craft.
Thanks everyone!





"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
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