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Entry 6 - Fairy Tales and Flies

by Cow


A new year,

But I remember the book,

It was about fairy tales.

But they were real,

In this world of make-believe.

That year,

My dad got remarried.

Both homes were moved.

Again.

School stayed.

That was the year my mom began to say,

Don't let them touch you.

But then say show it off.

I remember eating up the history that was taught,

Always reading and reading, 

Never stopping.

That was the year,

Math truly made me feel useless.

That was the year,

I began to endlessly worry - 

Worry about everything.

I remember...

Thinking about writing,

But believing I would never be good.

It would take two years.

For me to at least try.

Oh, how the fairy tales swallowed me like a fly.


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Wed Jul 01, 2020 5:46 pm
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JesseWrites says...



ahhhh, it did it twice.




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165 Reviews


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Wed Jul 01, 2020 5:46 pm
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JesseWrites wrote a review...



Hello there,

Oh, yes, I'm back again, but a little late. I think your format choices because they are so distinctive with the bold and the free spaces within. It looks original and it must've took forever to get it looking neater.

I'm just going to quote stanzas and add on how i feel about the word choice and way it's written along with analysis for anything worded weirdly or incorrect in punctuation or anything under the grammar umbrella.

I may be stark in reviewing as i have gotten mixed answers from others, so please tell me how I've done on the politeness scale after I am finished.

A new year,

But I remember the book, Finally the main is brought up. I liked the slow enter into it.

It was about fairy tales. All of the other entries were more hazy and unclear, when this has more force into the plot and idea. That's different, but I guess makes sense with the memory

But they were real,

In this world of make-believe.


Okay, a good starting stanza. It is too the point and it stays until the ending, so there is some progress in that as it lacked a little before this. I feel like this entry is going to either change a lot of stuff, or do nothing, so I'll find out when I'm done with all the stanzas.

That year, All of this stanza is powerful in bringing the reader into the character's mind.

My dad got remarried.

Both homes were moved. This is a good example.

Again.

School stayed.

That was the year my mom began to say, This also has that emotion to it.

Don't let them touch you. Hmm. This has changed up from the before image.

But then say show it off.


The lines were off in plan sometimes, but still going strongly. It really does live up to the powerful, yet simple thought I had.

I remember eating up the history that was taught, Nice usage of action.

Always reading and reading,

Never stopping.


Yeah, that's pretty easy to understand. The other stanzas are normal enough to pass on, but the last needs covering, so onto that one.

It would take two years.

For me to at least try. Okay, everything in this was so remarkable.

Oh, how the fairy tales swallowed me like a fly.


Overall, this will go good into another entry. Please tag me when you do post one.
Have a good day,
Haley.




Cow says...


AWWW THANK YOU. And the last stanza is my favorite. I think its up there with some of the best stuff I've done.



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Tue Jun 30, 2020 1:45 pm
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StarlitMind wrote a review...



Hey there!
I agree with LittleLee, your title is pretty cool! Different people have different opinions on the importance of a title, but to me, it's almost as important as the poem itself. That's just my opinion, but I really like your title! I've read I think all of your entries, and I like the simplicity of them. In this one, I like the formatting of this poem. it kind of gives a disorientated feel, especially since some major things happened in your life at this point. I like how vulnerable this one is! I'd like to point out a few things if you don't mind. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them!

The first thing I'd like to mention is your use of bold words. Usually in poetry, I see that the bold words come together to make a sentence or a hidden message. If I put together your bold words, it reads "book always stop thinking I two years try oh," so I'm assuming you weren't trying to construct a sentence. I am curious though, what was the purpose of the bold words? I think though if the boldness isn't consistent (like if you don't use them in specific words, phrases, to make a sentence, etc.) then you don't really need it. But that's just my opinion.

The other thing I'd like to mention is just something I thought you could do that, nothing wrong at all with your poem

But believing I would never be good.


I believe you could make this sentence more impactful to make your readers really feel engaged with the poem, and really feel what the speaker is feeling. Even if you just simply said "good enough" I feel that would be more impactful than "good." I just thought I'd point that out, so maybe you could play with it!

Another thing I'd like to point out is your punctuation. You punctuate every single line, and although this is a stylistic choice, I don't feel it's necessary every tie. For example, this line

That was the year,

Math truly made me feel useless.


I don't feel like you need a comma after "year." But if you want to keep it, that's up to you!

Overall, I really liked this entry and can't wait to read more. I hope this helped! :)




Cow says...


<3



StarlitMind says...


<33



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Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:44 am
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LittleLee wrote a review...



I'm dropping a review right away. I'll get to what I liked after I nitpick; please don't be offended if I'm too critical, I'm just trying to help you out!

But I remember the book,

Replace the comma with a semicolon.

It was about fairy tales.

You could try using a comma here instead of a fullstop, it makes the flow much smoother.

I remember...

I feel like the ellipses don't work well here.

Oh, how the fairy tales swallowed me like a fly.

I love this for two reasons. One, it reminds the reader of the first stanza. Two, the imagery is pretty cool.


Okay, now to what I did like!
The whole poem. To me, it's a sweet piece of writing that shows the passage of time and also shows how you fell in love with books, and getting lost in them. Parts of the poem made me sad, but that's because you've let your emotions work the writing really well. Your feelings have been conveyed. Great job, Cow, i don't think this is bad at all. I hope you keep writing!
Edit: I forgot to say, the title was really apt for the poem too. <3
- Lee




Cow says...


THANK YOU <333333333333



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Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:31 am
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Cow says...



@LittleLee @Gravitem

not my best, the only part I like is the last stanza. : (




Gravitem says...


huh? Someone's asking for death.



Cow says...


@Gravitem just ask lee, ive so much better



LittleLee says...


Don't underestimate your own writing



Gravitem says...


Well. It's poetry. Everything but easy. Especially if your head isn't letting your thoughts flow and has like a dam built in the center.



Cow says...


well im gonna underestimate until im 6ft underground, having a milkshalk with shakespeare




It's a dramatic situation almost every time you answer the phone—if you answer the phone.
— Matthew Weiner