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16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Dare to be different or dead

by Noellee77


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

 

This story is about how messed up life can be, for all those depressed, or who have had medical issues this is a reimagined view of what you go through every day. The views of different people one disabled and parents dead, one mentally and physically unstable, to a normal view on life.  These events could happen this is to bring up attention to it.

 Prologue

There once was a boy who was as problem free as any normal person can be. Was lucky to have a full family. While he watched the families around him crumble. His friends move away, crying and screaming. Made him cry, every day anxiety would worsen. Streaks of anger and frustration built up. Until... He attempted to commit suicide. He's best friend couldn't even stop him. You can think every day that life is terrible, until you lose all of your friends. As he grew up he stopped trying to commit suicide, for now he knows that people care about him. He learned that even if you lose a friend a new one can come from anywhere.

For years he would go back and forth with being happy and depressed. Hiding it from everyone, behind a mask. Life had points that almost killed him. Against his will he survived, still pretending to be happy when everyone hated him. Feeling like his best friend stopped living his life to take care of him. Gave up on love, football, art, guitar, piano, soccer, everything for him. Thought he needed to protect him from everyone and everything, so no more harm came to him. Every day the only thing that came to his mind is will I see Exavolr tomorrow? What would happen if I wasn't here?

After 2 years the depression subsided, though the anger was still there building up. He held it in to keep his parents from noticing. His friends and teachers noticed it, they watched it get worse, they chose not to talk about it. He had resorted to forcing himself to throwing up to get away and to knock himself out. Dreams of people trying to kill him happened frequently. He eventually stopped eating, for some one thought he should die.

He progresses in life feeling like no one cares. Eventually a person just like him became apart of his life. He learned through psychiatry how to live a happy life. He learned to love, forget, and prosper. Then he realized he is falling in love with two people. Tells no one but his psychiatrist. Christmas comes and with it relationships started. He sung to the two people about liking both of them. Health declines more ends up in a hospital again. Goes to school dance in high school where the other school comes for revenge. Love interest gets raped, best friend beat almost to death. This is when he saw what really mattered.

Chapter - parents view

Exavolr was a miracle to behold the kind of child anyone could ask for. He never complained or cried. He would always tell us what was on his mind. He would crack jokes even in the worst times I thought he would never give up on life. So, I didn't think twice when my friend wanted to help him see something. Then lifted him onto the rail. At age 8 he is pretty short for his age. I thought nothing of it, until someone bumped into my friend and he fell in. He broke 52 bones everyone thought he'd be dead crazy how he survived. The doctors saved him no one knows how. What if I lost my boy? His dad would never give in to defeat, showing defeat shows nothing but fear. Why be afraid if he will survive are boy is strong there is no doubt about that. He is stronger than anyone could be... This is where the depression started showing. Age 10 his lungs stop working he had 6 transplants, they try to help him. Nothing's Works, nothing works, we will not give up I said he's our son. The words burned in my brain he won't survive, he will not make it... He survived with some side effects of being blind, not being able to control his hands, due to a connective nerve issue, having severely pale skin and supposedly crippled. Somehow my boy is not crippled, somehow my boy is not blind. I do not know who's behind this but I thank you for giving me my boy. Without you I would not be able to do anything.Tough times are ahead this I know for you are not living if you don't feel pain at least once.

I thought my boy would never be normal again he proves everything wrong though. He acted like every normal boy after that sure he didn't look normal but who does? "Normal" a word in the dictionary used to describe average things or scenarios in life. No one is "normal" that is a word I taught Exavolr to forget. When he was 8 was the last time I knew my boy was even a little happy. He went back to school and everyone treated him as a freak except his two best friends. I don't know how he dealt with this and I'm so sorry to let you know this does not end happily as a parent's of him. We are greatly sorry for this. He had a sleepover this is when he found out he couldn't control his hands he had a nightmare his hands were shaking his best friend was on the ground next him his friend woke up with him on top choking him. Things that happen you can't quite be proud of, he almost went to jail we luckily got the insanity plea. Of course my boy would never do that he was asleep but the nightmare took over and killed his best friend no more Sleepovers for him. Now every night he sleeps with restraints on his bed.Will my boy ever be normal again? I will never know that. But good things come to those who wait.

Chapter 2 present

I walk to school everyday after healthy breakfast, a dose of Antipsychotic, a dose of fluoxetine, and a dose of Risedronate, a dose of Uprise D3, eye drops, and a scratch behind the ear. My mom always tells me never forget you are my little angel. How can I though? I always ask. It's not like I'm normal, I ruined your everyday life, and I know it. I leave school crying feel like committing suicide, but my parents kept me alive so why even try. I don't know why I don't, I mean life isn't worth living anymore!

I have doctor's appointments every Wednesday. Everyone's confused by me I wouldn't blame them I mean I have blue hair white skin why you guys all have white eyes with whatever color pupils I have black with a white eye in a completely black one. There is no such thing as normal with me wish people would understand that. Fine I will Say It I am Insecure! Have you ever felt like everyone is staring, like they see all your flaws and imperfections. I am Not Perfect! (crying) Why would I want to be, so I can be stuck up like the rest. Sometimes it was easier to block it all out. I lost my best friend few years ago, it was all my fault I killed him I hope he'll forgive me. I'll admit I am a stupid inconceivable asshole. Im fucked up in the head, im worthless, arrogant, stubborn, oblivious to everyone's needs and questions. Every one sees all the mistakes I made, and blames my mother note to all you assholes leave my family out of this. This is my fault not theirs, again Miss and Mister Gush I am sorry, for ruining yours and everyone else's life.

Everyone teases me until today. As I walk into the Hall everyone laughs at me. One kid screams look at the pervert, or that's what I heard. A kid comes up to me and pushes me. I said hey what was that for, they respond with for being a retard. No one should ever call someone a retard for your information. At that moment I was thinking how badly I wanted to punch him then my fists swing. I hesitantly back away, I didn't do it I swear my hands just moved. Everyone knows of my medical conditions cause they are required to tell every parent so they are aware of the danger 'their student could be in".  That proves why life isn't worth living, they drug me for their own safety. I should explain, all we know is that somehow whatever I think my hands do without me being able to control them. He grabbed me by the choke hold and hung me on Locker. I started to freak out. Of course everybody came over and was laughing. Alise ran over and smacked him and told him to release me. As I gasped for air I said don't worry about me Alise. Then I did something a little stupid, I kicked him in the balls yeah, yeah, I know what we're you're thinking? why did you do that? But that wasn't the worst thing I did. When he went to grab his balls and whimpered. He then went to hit me, I kind of grabbed my knife out of my pocket and cut them off. 

Lucky me I can't get arrested I got sent to a mental hospital they recommended me to a psychologist that deals with children mentally challenged or with high functioning mental disorders. They said there's something that cannot be fixed some kids fight like this because they feel that this is there only escape.The other kid probably has something mentally wrong with him , he knew about this kids  disability. Just don't give him a reason to get mad or you might lose something to.After that statement went viral, the kid that did this lost everything his girl, his balls, his friends, he finally understood.

Today was fun I was followed by a counselor allllll dayyy. I was pissed, I mean come on sure I started a fight and cut their balls off but come on give me a break he was harassing me. I had the right to do what I did to a point.

My best friend that I talk about his name is Jason Gush. His girlfriend, my other best friend is Alise Carter. I feel bad everyday for doing what I did. How I fixed it was even worse.

Part 2 Chapter 2 Alise Carter's view

I met Exavolr in 5th grade, he was a nice kid introduced himself to everybody ,was everybody's friend. Unfortunately there was a accident. And his best friend was there , my boyfriend. He blamed himself every day for it. Never left his side, even if everyone thought he was dead. He never gave up hope on him. He always told me faith is what builds us, when you have no hope that is when faith comes in and when you have no faith that is when you start to give up. I know he will be okay, that is what Jason always said. That's why I love him he never seemed happy though. And the weird thing is he never thought of himself. He thought of himself as a hideous asshole everyone hates when everyone loved him. I always asked him why are you acting like Exavolr. He said I'm not, I don't know what you are talking about. So I figured I'd get to know him more. That's when I asked him to the dance, he said why don't you ask Exavolr? I said because I want to go with you. If it wasn't for Exavolr he wouldn't of gone with me. I found something that I didn't know what to do when I saw it. It was a letter that said:

Dear Alise,

This might sound weird but I want to say goodbye for today is the day I am going to die to prove a point. Exavolr will be fine he can live without me around help him get past what we both know he has to in order to get better. I gave Exavolr medication in his drink to cause a night terror. I am sorry I never said these words I love you Alise Carter. Please forgive me, I know there is no words I can say to fix what I am about to do. Just know I did it to show that life can change but it does not mean you give up on life, I know you don't need to hear this from someone who is basically commiting suicide. but I need you to trust me. Just remember the promise I made you...I will always be there for you...In a few hours I will be saying goodbye to my parents for what they don't know is the last time.Keep this to yourself don't cry stay strong...

Goodbye world............

LOVE,

Jason Alexander De'Capreo' Gush,

I wish everyday though that I would have asked Exavolr. I guess I got a chance now but wouldn't that be betraying my boyfriend. Until I had a dream it was Jason saying it was all right, that he wanted me to date Exavolr. He was happy when I asked, but the strange thing is I didn't he just knew. I heard laughing and cae running to see what was going on , then I smacked Jason's buddy Ryan Lakes. After that I got the bright idea to well.. And that's when I did it, I asked him if I could help him learn to control his hands. And I did sound kind of stupid, when he refused I grabbed his hands. He went in total shock, he started rocking back and forth pacing panicking. Then I got the bright idea to try to calm him down. And hugged him and reminded him how much of a good friend he was and how I want to just make him feel normal like he said he always wanted to be. What a mistake that was.

Chapter 3 my thoughts

Why do we all have thoughts? God dammit! When she asked me if she could start teaching me how to use my hands again and touched me I didn't want to think or ruin a relationship. So I panicked I freaked out I'm an idiot I cried. When she hug me I lost it I fell to defeat she won. I started crying on her shoulder. She just stood there telling me it's okay. I felt cared for protected and it was all wrong she's my dead best friend's girlfriend. And that's when I turned around and ran face-first into the locker on purpose............

What happened? All I know is the first person there is a Alise Carter. She hugged me so tight and asked me if I was okay at least 20 times. My mom and dad were cracking jokes about it, saying if she kept on asking I'll lose my mind. And that's when it happened I passed out again having a seizure. She started crying thinking it was all her fault and she passed out hit her head against the chair.

When I woke up I was in a cat scan, they soon realized I was awake. The doctor took me aside and asked me what was going on? I told him shouldn't you know that! He told me I meant mentally, are you okay, stable. Ya, I'm just lost, I don't know who I am, why anyone cares about me, no one should care, I am a worthless piece of shit. All I remember is him screaming nurse, and a sudden pain.

I woke up with a headache, I saw Alise there too. I suddenly remember something I said and told them I'm leaving. Before they had the chance to tell me no I stood up and said you all will follow me, no questions asked, that is final. Stunned by my dominance they followed no questions asked.

All confused they followed me like a god.I told Alise to call Jason's parents. They were all confused when we got to the park. Hey, mom remember all those times me and Jason disappeared. Well we were here (yelling) right here training and do stuff like this. If I die it was for Jason. As, I finished the sentence I was on the bridge rail. I jumped just as they tried to stop me. My mom gasped as she saw what I did, I did a double backflip landing on my left hand holding up my body. Everyone ran down doctor's checking me out to make sure I didn't hurt myself.

Alise came screaming, never never have I ever heard little sweet Alise yell at anyone, she just wouldn't stop screaming at me. Her exact words were:

HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID, WHAT WOULD JASON SAY ABOUT YOU SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF US, YOU COULD OF DIED, YOU NEED TO BE MORE CONSIDERATE AND THINK ABOUT HOW WE FEEL YOU FUCKING DUMBASS. I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME BUT I KNOW YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT JASON, SO START TO USE YOUR FUCKING HEAD PLEASE FOR FUCKING SAKE.

She then stormed off, over me doing a flip and goddamn stunt. My dad came over to me and said you know she worries about you why would you do that? Dad I know she likes me but she's Jason's girlfriend. Then my dad walks me over to the side and sits me down. There's one thing you don't understand he is dead, so at this point it would be as if I lost your mom, I'd be a widow, she's single now if she wants to be with you. Then it hit me I understood finally I fucking understood. I knew what I had to do, I thank my dad and ran after her.

Chapter 4 I understand

After constant chats with my dad I finally understood everything. Why are girls so flipping frustrating. I finally got the courage though, and after I caught up to her I start walking her pace. Then we started talking, I said hey. "Hi" she said, I asked her if she was okay she said "I guess". Then I went into a rant about how I've been thinking about it, and it would be helpful if I did learn to use my hands, so if that offer is still on the table I would like you to teach me how to use my hands. Soon as I said that her eyes lit up. "Really really you would let me teach you to use your hands again" Alise said. I laughed and said yes, she jumped up and hugged me, she said "I'm sorry for yelling at you I'm just worried you know". I said I understand no need to apologize. We were talking and we walked back. And that's when everyone decided it's time for me to see a psychiatrist.

Fucking great I thought, I mean who wouldn't want to see a psychiatrist and for what I asked. Everyone just looked at me and said you need it. Bullshit I don't need to go to a fucking psychiatrist.

-The next day-

I walked into the psychiatrist office and he sat me down. He started with small talk of course. Then he asked me if I was okay mentally.

I yelled what does that matter, you are going to claim I'm mentally unstable, depressed, or I'm fucking insane. I'm not so just god damn write it down for all I care I know you are recording this I know the camera is taking video as we speak. I don't give a damn anymore. No one needs me I should have killed myself a year ago when I was fucking 14 alright.

He walks over and sits by me and says who told you I was going to do that. I'm not so don't worry, but if you don't want to answer that is fine. He sees I'm crying and pats me on the back and says go on go get lunch and come back.

-when I get back-

How was lunch? Fine, Do you drink soda? ya, What kind? Pepsi, weirdly he hands me one.

My hands start shaking, and I spill it on myself. He said I got extra clothes in the back, go and change.

We can continue this tomorrow if you want I understand more than you know Exavolr.

Then he said go home and if you need me come over or call and call me Allen.

Okay thanks, I said as I faked smiled and walked out. I think he knows it was faked.

On the way home I start having a pain in my head and eyes. I call Allen and he came up to me and said calm down you are having a panic attack, have you had one before? I shake my head no. He then calls my mom and dad, then picks me up and carries me to the hospital. I then Start Seizing, Allen muttered I can't go through this again.

He was the first person I saw when I woke up, your parents are on their way, that was the last I heard.

When I woke up my head was propped up and I had a oxygen mask on and breathing hurt. I managed to open my eyes and everyone was there, even kids from school. Then I asked what day is it? A random kid said Thursday, I gasped I've been here for 3 days! Alise came over layed me back down and whispered rest you need rest. So I for once I listened and passed out to sleep or that is what I thought, hey add 1 more to my close to death count. I had everything explained to me when I woke, I somehow got a concussion, for a week I have to be in a wheelchair, yay!!!!!

I'm pissed.

They decided to keep me with my psychiatrist Allen coming every day to come check on me. He came today and snuck in a ice cream sandwich and gave it to me. He makes me laugh every day he comes, he brought games and then he would say as much as I want to just do this all day I have to talk about somethings with you. He would ask me simple questions then ones about my emotions and anxiety, today he had to talk to my doctor to see if I could get some tests done.

When he came back he said I had to go to cat scans and evaluations. I said only if you come with me, he grabbed my hand and said if I wanted him to he would come. When we finished tests my dad came back with news that my brother was just born, and Allen and my dad helped me get to the room where my mom was and I saw him for the first time.

He had green eyes and little ears.

They helped me hold him, after I sat down of course. After about a week they let me go back to school. I miss seeing my little brother. When I got to school it was really weird everyone started talking to me. I felt different of course there was still kids who are mean to me, a lot of kids. But I made a new friend his name is Ryan, he's on the football team and runs track. He walked up to me and told me that he felt bad for me and asked me if I was okay, and that I was a champ. He told me he learned his lesson, and apologized for being an asshole. And also asked if Alise was my girlfriend. I Shrugged and said I don't know. Of course Ryan said that I should give her a chance and that I'd be good with her and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. At that time I kind of turned around to walk away and he stopped me. And for once someone said sorry to me, he said hey man I'm sorry I didn't mean to step over my bounds you want me to stop I'll stop. Someone finally sees me as me!

Chapter 5 mental illness

They have determined I have mental illness, not surprising. I told them for three years I'm not normal, I shown that I can't control myself, I shown that I'm physically out of control. Next day when I went to Allen for my session he gave me some medicine told me to take it and I did. First time I ever listen to take medicine Allen says I am a kid with ADHD that's mixed with anxiety disorder and PTSD. Basically I'm completely fucked up.

ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, a condition with symptoms such as inattentiveness, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. The symptoms differ from person to person. ADHD was formerly called ADD, or attention deficit disorder. Both children and adults can have ADHD, but the symptoms always begin in childhood. Adults with ADHD may have trouble managing time, being organized, setting goals, and holding down jobs. While anxiety disorder is when people with anxiety disorders frequently have intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Often, anxiety disorders involve repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks).Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, rape or other violent personal assault.

I nodded my head to show I understood.

And I did I just wanted to scream and punch the wall, and kinda throw a tantrum. Out of no nowhere Allen started to pelt fucking stress balls at me. Ahh, What is this for exactly? Hit them, dodge them, and throw them back at me! Okay I can do that Allen, catch!

After awhile we were out of breath, hey Exavolr, yah, get this I might of gotten 6 tickets to universal studios including hotel and plane.

Wait seriously? "Yes", thanks Allen. "You can bring two people". Okay, I got you Allen." We are going before your birthday in december", okay got it Allen.

Well, I'm going to go get a sub across the street Allen, I'll be back. "Wait up Exavolr, I'll go with you I'll pay". Allen you don't have to I got money. "I know but you are a good kid, you deserve it". Allen we both know with how my past is I don't deserve it. "Exavolr, get back here and sit the fuck down, your past doesn't matter it is how you act after a accident, and how long it takes you to forgive yourself that determines who you are, understand me". Fine, I deserve it, I rolled my eyes. "Let's go even though I know you didn't mean it". You don't say? Allen Laughs," let's go Exavolr".

-after lunch-

We walked in to the office, and my phone rang...daaaaang.........biiiiiiig.

It's my dad sorry got to take this Allen, Allen points to the back room. Hey Dad I'm kinda in the middle of mentoring, I know but it's an emergency, I'm on my way to get you Exavolr, what ? why ? and doesn't mom usually get me. she's in the hospital right now, she got in an accident trying to come and get you. Wait, what, I started crying, this can't be happening. Allen comes over and takes the phone and starts talking to my dad, asked my dad what was going on and Allen, said he would drop me off and pick up some lunch and stuff.

When we get there I see my dad and hug him so tight, and tell him something I never thought I would say, it will be alright dad Allen can give me rides, and stuff mom will be alright. I will watch Gab I promise.

We go in and I see my mom and try not to cry, Allen goes to the store and says I'll be right back need anything and I shook my head no.

After he left I went outside the room and laid my hand on the wall and took a step back and punched the wall, then it came out why me, why me, why my mom, why not me! Out of nowhere someone came from behind me," not something I find everyday the person said. Looks like I found another person just like me didn't think that was possible" the person said. I finally turned around, to my surprise it was someone who looked my age but in a wheelchair. What do you mean? "I mean let me see you probably have ADHD some sort of anxiety disorder probably PTSD probably something maybe like let's see not being able to control your hands on some sort of lung problems that's why your skin is white some circulatory blood problem seen that your hand is pulsing, should I go on"? No no no no no no no you're good. 'So I'm guessing I hit it on the DOT". Yeah, how did you know? "I'm just like you how am I not to". "My name is Zachary by the way you need someone to talk to". No I'm good thank you though, my counselor should be here soon. I never thought I'd find someone like me, it's good to meet someone like me Zachary. Hey I never would really ask this but do you go to psychiatrist. "No, why do you ask?" I was wondering if you'd maybe come with me to my psychiatrist counseling hours he taught me how to use my hands like I can. "Let's ask my parents, follow me.'

Chapter 5 part 2 Zachary's illness

Mom, dad, this is my new friend he is just like me his name is......."Exavolr"..ya Exavolr, if it is okay with his psychiatrist can I do a group psychiatry session with him please....

"SLOW DOWN kid, yes that is fine". "Nice to meet you Exavolr,....wait you can use your hands". Ya, I learned how to thanks to Allen, right at that moment my phone rang and Allen had sent a text help please. Speak of the devil, he needs help carrying things. Mom can I go and help, "sure we will help to and meet Allen".

"Who's your new friend?" Zachary, are you proud of me? "Exavolr if you are happy I will always be proud". "Zachary can you carry this and wheel your wheelchair?"" I might be able to Allen." "Okay, let me know if you need help". "You must be the parents. Matter of fact yes we are his foster parents". "Can I talk to you guys over here please, sure Allen."

"Where are your parents Zachary?" When I was 3 I almost died from a break in where my parents were murdered.I broke my ankles and have no knee caps because they were crushed. I will never be able to walk again. "I'm sorry to bring it up, is that why you asked if I needed someone to talk to". Ya, I just wish I could of warned them." Hey Wednesday want to hang out?" Sure!

-Wednesday-

When Zachary came over, we both felt and acted different. A first I thought of him as my brother, he loves my little brother. January 1st is my birthday, my 16th birthday, my first Time without Jason.  When he started coming over more, we did something different, I helped him to get out of his wheelchair and try to walk, then when he stumbled this happened.....

CHAPTER 6 relationships

We locked eyes, I caught him and we locked eyes. Like I did with Alise one time, but stronger. I I....would you like to sit on the bed. Ya, (note are eyes are still locked) okay, I picked him up and set him on the bed. We both kind of went quite. Then Zachary asked me a question, a weird one to ask especially after what happened. Are you dating anyone? Huh, why would you ask that? I was just kind of wondering. May I ask why. I guess it's because I've liked someone since I've known them, and well I've never dated anyone so I I have never asked anyone out so I don't know how to say it and I thought maybe if you had you might know how to. May I ask who you have a crush on. I prefer not to say. That's all right I might not have asked anyone out before, but I have been asked out. And the best advice I can give you is that trust your gut if your gut says to wait, wait a little watch what's happening around you for a while. Thanks now I better get going, okay see you then, I will help you down the stairs.

I saw Alise today she seemed sad, I went to talk to her to see if I could maybe figure out what was wrong with her and she asked why I wasn't hanging out with her no more. I said it wasn't on purpose I got another friend now his name is Zachary, maybe you can come over and we can all hang out watch a movie, sound cool. Right as I said that she got a smile on her face, so I take that as a yes of course. Tomorrow Exavolr, at your place I'll bring snacks. See you then, out of nowhere my adrenaline kicks in and I grabbed her arm I turned her around and I kissed her on the cheek. I don't know what got into me and then I walked away. The next day me and Zachary got there before Alise and out of nowhere I hug Zachary and told him you know I care about you more than anything. He said yeah I know and I kissed him on the forehead. The rest of the night was awkward for me Alise and Zachary. Afterwards I actually convinced my mom to let them stay over and I told him I'd be right back before we head up to my room. And I went up there held my head against the wall and I started singing the song Human by Christina Perri

I can hold my breath

I can bite my tongue

I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

Be your number one

I can fake a smile

I can force a laugh

I can dance and play the part

If that's what you ask

Give you all I am

I can do it

I can do it

I can do it

But I'm only human

But before I could go on I hear Zachary behind me singing the line with me but I'm only human, then we start singing the rest together

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human, yeah

Then Alise joins in from behind

I can turn it on

Be a good machine

I can hold the weight of worlds

If that's what you need

Be your everything

I can do it

I can do it

I'll get through it

But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human, yeah

At this point I'm no longer singing but these two are singing it to me Drilling it in my head

I'm only human

I'm only human

Just a little human

I can take so much

Until I've had enough

'Cause I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human, yeah

As these guys are singing it to me and finish they get closer to me and at this point I'm sitting on the bed they lay me on the bed, Alise helps Zachary on the bed and she falls to sleep next to me and he does too. They're both sleeping next to me before I fall asleep I grabbed my phone and take a picture and send it to Allen....

The next day I tell Allen all about it cuz who wouldn't I told him about my feelings for both of them and what I'd done in the past.

Exavolr do you want me to tell them? Would you? On one condition I tell them when I want to. Fine Allen you win when you want to. Christmas is a week away Exavolr I'm going to tell them then and then they will tell you how they feel.

"Kid 7 days and it is your birthday" I don't want to talk about it." We have been over this Exavolr " No fucking shit we have, Allen when will you get it life isn't worth it when you lose family. " Exavolr I know how it feels I'm left Raising a 5 year old, because of shot while in the call of duty."I I I don't know what to say...

"Good don't, Exavolr the world doesn't revolve around you." Your Right it doesn't!

Chapter 7  Christmas

Allen... I have changed my mind, I want to tell them. "Are you sure?" Honestly no, but it's time I stop depending on others. I plan to tell them on New years eve, on stage at DG's bar and grill, and (crying) I plan on singing three songs. Start of something new, say something I'm giving up on you, and if the world was ending." If they don't catch up, can I tell them?"  Yes, Allen then you can.

-Back home-

Mom your home, I thought you wouldn't be home for Christmas. "I'm here, sweetie and I feel really good." Knock knock sounds like Allen's here, he brought Jake! And it also looks like Alise is here and Zachary. I let them in and say I will be right back. I head in my room, lean over on my bed and hold my head, as I feel a tear go down my face, I hear someone say "you okay?" I look down and say fine, just fine. Allen walks up and kneels in front of me and said "look at me" as I look up he sees my tears going down my face and hugs me. I start to cry, "what is wrong?" Allen if I knew I would tell you. Zachary yells "you guys coming" Ya one minute, I wipe my face, and release myself from Allen's grip, and head down stairs, Allen following behind. Whats up guys, sorry I was a while was discussing a surprise. I nudge Allen for submission, he grunts yep. I walk up to Zachary and pick him up and hug him, proceeding to set him on the couch, so I may hug Alise. I suddenly froze and started crying, my dad saw me start to drop to the ground and caught me. He set me on the couch, everyone suddenly surrounded me. Allen ran up saw my hands go up my eyes roll back and he grabbed my hands put them flat on his face and rubbed my hands. After that attack ended I saw Jake come over and say up up. I picked him up and said Allen give your gift to Zachary first.

No questions asked, Zachary got the gift of a card. He opened it started to read it and pulled out a letter and started to cry. "Allen said can I be your dad Zachary", "Jake said can I be your bra brother" Zachary?" Well Zachary" YES, YES a hundred times YES. They hugged, all of a sudden Zachary says well shit now my gifts seem like nothing. We all laugh and I wipe his tears. I hand a card to Zachary and Alise. At the same time they say "what is this?" Well open it. 

Alise Carter, And Zachery soon to be Rocklen

You are Honorary Guests to DG's bar and grill

On New Years, With Exavolr Interstine singing

Soo, what ya think? " You are going on stage?" yep, on my bday. But one last thing, will you guys go with me, Allen and Jake to Universal Studio and Resort."(Screaming) yyyyyeeeessssssss!!!!"

To be continued....

Dare to be dead or different 

    


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Thu Aug 06, 2020 2:09 pm
Noellee77 says...



Dear readers,
I was going to have the next segment out in a month. But a incident happened and I am down a wrist. I will be doing my best to get it out to you. Thank you for your patience!




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Sun Aug 02, 2020 12:41 pm
Noellee77 says...



Dear, readers,
I would like to thank you for your reviews. I would also like to say I will take some points you made and put them in the next 7 chapters. I realise I have bad grammar I ran this through six programs. I will space things out more for you guys if it helps you out. The prologue was for the whole book, @IamI that is why it wasn't carried out in full. @IcyFlame in your concern of the first line, it states "there once was a boy who was as problem free as any normal person can be." if you note it says as any Normal Person can be. How problem free is your life? I will attempt to explain in the next segment what things mean for you guys. When the characters go on the trip, you will find out more about them as they find out more about each other and themselves. I will have the parents explain things every segment. The reason he had a knife is they live in a bad part of town, which I was going to explain in the next segment. Also he does remember stuff well so he doesn't remember having a knife till he reaches in his pockets. If you guys have any Questions please feel free to comment them and I will do my best to get back to you. I hope you guys will read the next segment when I post it.




IcyFlame says...


Hi Noelle, I'd be happy to read the next part when you post it - just tag me to let me know! :)



IamI says...


I second what @IcyFlame said: I wouldn%u2019t mind reading the next part when you post it. Also, apologies for not replying earlier, I wasn%u2019t notified of your tag in my notifications.



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Sat Aug 01, 2020 10:26 pm
IamI wrote a review...



Preface
Hello @Noelee77, I've been itching to review this for a while. Unfortunately I cannot say it's because this work was of outstanding quality.

Bad

Logic

Age 10 his lungs stop working he had 6 transplants


Things like this have to be expensive; how is the family dealing with this?

But that wasn't the worst thing I did. When he went to grab his balls and whimpered. He then went to hit me, I kind of grabbed my knife out of my pocket and cut them off.


This quote (*shudder*) will come up a few more times and I am mentioning it now because I have another point later in this section that ties to this. anyway my point here is that I believe students are not allowed to posses weapons on school grounds.

When she asked me if she could start teaching me how to use my hands again


Perhaps I missed something, but this happens after the previously mentioned... Event (*wince*), there isn't really anything to add, I think this is just a continuity issue.

dialogue
Since you seem to struggle technically with this, I thought I'd give you an overview of the rules of dialogue:

1: each line of dialogue by a different character receives its own line

2: All dialogue is denoted at its beginning and end by quotation marks

An excellent example of the kind of technical difficulty I'm talking about is this bit of incoherence:

How was lunch? Fine, Do you drink soda? ya, What kind? Pepsi, weirdly he hands me one.


Here is it written correctly:

"How was lunch?"
"fine."
"do you drink soda?"
"Ya."
"what kind?"
"Pepsi."
Weirdly, he handed me one.

Style
throughout this story you have many grammatical errors. So many that noting them all would take forever. Because of this, I've compiled a brief list of the main issues:

1: grammar

You often omit necessary pronouns
Like this:

Made him cry, every day anxiety would worsen.


this sentence should be:

They made him cry. Every day his anxiety would worsen.

Another large issue with your style in this piece is how you squeeze entire chaptersworth of story into paragraphs, this drains the story of its narrative 'blood'.

A good example of what I'm talking about is this paragraph from the prologue:

He progresses in life feeling like no one cares. Eventually a person just like him became apart of his life. He learned through psychiatry how to live a happy life. He learned to love, forget, and prosper. Then he realized he is falling in love with two people. Tells no one but his psychiatrist. Christmas comes and with it relationships started. He sung to the two people about liking both of them. Health declines more ends up in a hospital again. Goes to school dance in high school where the other school comes for revenge. Love interest gets raped, best friend beat almost to death. This is when he saw what really mattered.


also, while this isn't necessarily style, I want to focus on one of the last sentences here as well:

Love interest gets raped, best friend beat almost to death.


Aside from the fact that this condense a possibly great scene into a sentence, I can't forgive your use of mentions of sexual assault simply for shock value, A personal principle I have for things like this is, if I include it, I must follow it through to its conclusion.

Apart from that, the voice of your narrators, specifically Exavolr, is inconsistent. While a good narrator should be dynamic (that is, have changes in emotion) there should be some linking attitude. Exavolr's voice varies from violent, to defensive, to sarcastic by paragraphs. On top of this I have a more personal criticism: I dislike the more conversational nature of some passages.

Characters

Your characters on their own are fine enough, Exavolr has a personality (I dislike it, but I would dislike it more if there was no personality there to begin with). The greatest problems with your character is that you don't give us enough time to really get to know the characters, but this has more to do with your style and how you abridge so much narrative.


Good
While my negative feeling for this story outweigh my positive ones, that does not necessarily mean I have nothing good to say about it.

First of all, I would like to thank you for inserting pictures, while I have my issues with the art itself this isn't a website for young artists (not primarily, at least) and I'm even less qualified to criticize art than I am to review literature, so I think I will leave that alone. It provides us a sort of guide to how things should look in our minds and gives an incite into your mind as a creator.

And as much as I criticized your character, I suppose I should at least begrudgingly relent the point that having some emotion over a character is better than having none.

In a similar vein, while the execution of your story leaves much to be desired, the bones (fragments, really) of this story are decent, I especially like the idea of showing the same events through several sets of eyes, it offers excellent opportunities to introduce us to the characters.

Conclusion
This story has potential; this potential, however, remains unreached due to poor pacing, inconsistent style, and an immense number of grammatical errors. To remedy each of these issues I suggest the following:

for the pacing issues I suggest doing more showing and less telling and avoid doing as much summarizing as you did in this story. If a summary is a lake, a story is an ocean.

For inconsistent style I suggest doing more editing and getting trusted friends to read your work.

For grammar, I suggest the above in conjunction with some brief education on English grammar (which, I might add I believe is slightly less convoluted than the nonexistent rules for English spelling), but since both of these take time I would also recommend using grammarly.

And above all, I suggest you keep writing. You can't improve without practice.

Keep Writing!




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Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:34 am
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hey Noellee! Icy here for a review.

So firstly, you've posted this in quite a big chunk. This can be quite intimidating for people to read and review, so I would suggest posting something this length in three or four separate posts. Yes, you use more points this way but I think you will gain a lot more valuable insight from your reviewers.

I like the way you've included images here. Would this be something you'd envisage being in the final thing?

Starting from the beginning:

There once was a boy who was as problem free as any normal person can be.

Do you mean for this to rhyme? It sets quite a specific tone for the novel and if it wasn't intentional, I would consider changing it. It makes it seem quite fairy tale like.

Was lucky to have a full family. While he watched the families around him crumble.

These aren't full sentences. It should read: 'he was lucky to have a full family while he watched the families around him crumble'.

His friends move away, crying and screaming.

You've changed tenses here. Should be 'moved away'

Made him cry, every day anxiety would worsen. Streaks of anger and frustration built up.

He doesn't sound problem free?


Until... He attempted to commit suicide. He's best friend couldn't even stop him. You can think every day that life is terrible, until you lose all of your friends. As he grew up he stopped trying to commit suicide, for now he knows that people care about him. He learned that even if you lose a friend a new one can come from anywhere.

Again watch yo
ur tenses here. Also, this is quite a big revelation for your character and it feels almost as though you've glossed over it.

Health declines more ends up in a hospital again. Goes to school dance in high school where the other school comes for revenge. Love interest gets raped, best friend beat almost to death.

Again, these aren't full sentences.

Chapter - parents view

If you're posting this in one place, you need to make the separations clearer. Try putting this in bold.
Also, maybe don't state that this is from the parent's view. Let that be clear through your writing instead.

Exavolr was a miracle to behold the kind of child anyone could ask for. He never complained or cried. He would always tell us what was on his mind. He would crack jokes even in the worst times I thought he would never give up on life. So, I didn't think twice when my friend wanted to help him see something. Then lifted him onto the rail. At age 8 he is pretty short for his age. I thought nothing of it, until someone bumped into my friend and he fell in. He broke 52 bones everyone thought he'd be dead crazy how he survived. The doctors saved him no one knows how. What if I lost my boy? His dad would never give in to defeat, showing defeat shows nothing but fear. Why be afraid if he will survive are boy is strong there is no doubt about that. He is stronger than anyone could be... This is where the depression started showing. Age 10 his lungs stop working he had 6 transplants, they try to help him. Nothing's Works, nothing works, we will not give up I said he's our son. The words burned in my brain he won't survive, he will not make it... He survived with some side effects of being blind, not being able to control his hands, due to a connective nerve issue, having severely pale skin and supposedly crippled. Somehow my boy is not crippled, somehow my boy is not blind. I do not know who's behind this but I thank you for giving me my boy. Without you I would not be able to do anything.Tough times are ahead this I know for you are not living if you don't feel pain at least once.

This is an enormous paragraph. You could break it up like this:

Exavolr was a miracle to behold the kind of child anyone could ask for. He never complained or cried. He would always tell us what was on his mind. He would crack jokes even in the worst times I thought he would never give up on life. So, I didn't think twice when my friend wanted to help him see something. Then lifted him onto the rail.

At age 8 he is pretty short for his age. I thought nothing of it, until someone bumped into my friend and he fell in.

He broke 52 bones everyone thought he'd be dead crazy how he survived. The doctors saved him no one knows how. What if I lost my boy? His dad would never give in to defeat, showing defeat shows nothing but fear. Why be afraid if he will survive are boy is strong there is no doubt about that. He is stronger than anyone could be...

This is where the depression started showing.

Age 10 his lungs stop working he had 6 transplants, they try to help him. Nothing's Works, nothing works, we will not give up I said he's our son.

The words burned in my brain he won't survive, he will not make it... He survived with some side effects of being blind, not being able to control his hands, due to a connective nerve issue, having severely pale skin and supposedly crippled. Somehow my boy is not crippled, somehow my boy is not blind.

I do not know who's behind this but I thank you for giving me my boy. Without you I would not be able to do anything.Tough times are ahead this I know for you are not living if you don't feel pain at least once.


Ok, let's also break this paragraph down. This is the last key part I'm going to focus on because a quick skim read tells me you write in much the same style throughout. I think you have some really key things to fix before we can actually review the substance of your piece.

So number one: tenses
I've mentioned this before, but you need to reread and check you're writing in the same tense throughout (at least in one chapter). Otherwise it gets very confusing and hard to follow. For instance, you say 'I didn't think twice' which is past tense and then immediately switch to 'he is pretty short for his age'. Present tense.

Two: numbers
Often, when writing prose, it is commonplace to write numbers as full words. So instead of saying 'at age 8' it should be 'at age eight'.

Three pacing
This for me is the biggest issue and means you rush through your story at top speed which makes it very hard to follow. The constant stream of consciousness makes it harder for the reader to empathise with your characters and also difficult to follow the plot.

My main suggestion for you would be to go away and read a few books that are written in the style you want to emulate here and see how the authors deal with telling the story. That's often much more helpful than having someone like me pull apart every sentence!

I hope this gives you something to go on, and feel free to tag me if you repost this (though please please post in smaller sections!)

Have a great day :)

Icy




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Sat Jul 04, 2020 5:44 pm
Feldspar wrote a review...



Here we go,

I am not good with grammar, so I'll just wait for one of them to show up because I think that they will help you out there.

You don't have to make these all chapters. Chapters go on their own on this site, plus I can't even tell where the chapter starts and ends. You can just add more into the story and have enough to post in other parts.

The bold words too. They are so hard to understand, so maybe tell us what they are for because I have no idea and i got even more lost every time I read a new part, or a new 'chapter.'

Your chapters are so short, I don't even think they count, so again, add more into them. Your pacing makes them short, so draw out some scenes. Make it longer.

I'm wrapping this up now.
Feld




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Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:14 am
mercurialbuddha says...



I just have one thing to say, you are quite a writer. You managed to convey real world struggles with a fantasy setting so subtly and deftly that I am gushing with joy!
Keep up the good work! Also loved the crazy artworks




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Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:14 am
mercurialbuddha says...



I just have one thing to say, you are quite a writer. You managed to convey real world struggles with a fantasy setting so subtly and deftly that I am gushing with joy!
Keep up the good work!





All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe