Young Writers Society

I liked this, but I never reviewed it, apparently! Well, here I am, months later, happy that I can tell you that it's all over XDD

First off, we must remember that he also golfed in Florida. As he often said, "I love this state and I love the people of this state" before rambling on about how it was his home state. *sigh* Thank the good Lord he's not here to lie about what state he lives in anymore XD

Next, I love how accurate and precise this poem is! It really fits his demeanor and truly is-- *ahem*-- par for the course. I especially love the lines--

he'll only care about
the oh-so-fake news calling it
a controversy
when a reporter questions
his moral integrity
at his next press conference.

This is grade A stuff

Hello Mage!

The sarcasm is dropping off atomic bombs in this poem. We can take a rain check on an appointment with Einstein if we have you. This poem is at a different level of savage. Kudos to you for channeling your frustrations in poetry. It's hard for me to do those because my work would appear crude. Anyway, this might be my favorite poem in all of your works. Very well thought-out.

Unlike yellow, my only problem was the phrase

while he sat mask-less in his oval office

as the club hits the
white golf ball,
the only number he wants
to keep low is his score.

Wow! I must say I found it hilarious and such truth-revealing work. Great job. It is so true that unless people themselves are not affected by something, they really don't care. And in fact , all the hardships the others suffer, seem quite small and at times, fake to them. This is a realistic piece of work. Keep it up and best of luck for future!

Best wishes
Mahira

Great work! I like how strong the conviction in your writing is. My only problem here is that I would’ve liked to see these convictions fleshed out even more. You chose a topic that provides a lot of great writing material, so why not explore it some more? Overall, great job!

hello, it's yellow!

mage, oh my goodness, i love this. while it's beautifully written, it's also socially poignant and relevant to what's going on. excuse me while i add in a few golf puns, but you really tee'd off and got a hole-in-one! and while it may seem weird to do this to a poem with this great of a game, i'd give you a low score.

i thoroughly love the oxymorons and irony smattered throughout this, when you talk about how he was dressed on the golf course, but "mask-less in the oval office." it really reminds me a lot of a slam poem and you did a fantastic job with this.

what i would really like to see, which is totally up to you, is if you explored these ideas even further. you could discuss how you he fired the pandemic response team, or how you see photos of him and more than ten other people in a room. i think that these small instances are so hard hitting and could definitely pack a hard punch in this poem.

another thing i would like to see is potentially a different conclusion. there's a part of me that feels like this poem is unfinished. i think you could somehow tie your final stanza back into your golf analogy that you began with because then, you would circle the entire course. sorry about that pun, it'll be my last.

like i said before, i love this and i think you did a great job with it! i think that adding on just a little bit would be great, because I really enjoy the use of irony and the analogy as a whole. i saw no other problems, but i do think it just needs a little more to really put it even more on-par. okay, i lied. look forward to reading more poetry from you!

-yellow

I love this piece first of all. Just some pointers: if hes lounging in the sun, wouldn't he be outside? Also if he's playing golf, how is he lounging? Although, maybe that's just me since I don't golf lol. Another thing, if you end each section with a period, then I suggest capitalizing the first letter in the next section, if that makes sense. Overall though, this poem was really intriguing but the ending might need a bit work. Maybe tying it back it in with playing golf or maybe even switching the last two sections with one another. Like I said though, it's really intriguing and makes me think what's going on his mind. This piece also makes me wonder some of your other thoughts on what else is going on and what else has gone on, especially with him?