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The Narcissist's Dilemma (A Series of Limericks)

by silverquill12


There was a young woman from Spain

It was true she was pretty and vain

To be realistic

She was narcissistic

From her toes to her flowing brown mane

~

She loved to go walk in the heat

When she passed a young man on the street

He was suddenly taken

His heart was awakened

He felt his whole life was complete

~

He approached her with caution and charm

To show her he meant her no harm

To his dismay

She looked away

Dismissed, with a wave of her arm

~

He hadn’t yet given up hope

For an answer he wouldn’t take “nope”

He tried to woo her

He painted and drew her

With disregard he soon learned to cope

~

For she did not glance from her mirror

She thought she could not be clearer

Her one true love

Or her lack thereof

Was herself, and nobody nearer

~

He was blinded by his own affection

For her personality and complexion

Yet he didn’t give in

He was so driven

He knew that they had a connection

~

He bought her the nicest of things

Perfumes, dresses, and rings

She remained cool

She thought him a tool

She was a queen who did not need a king

~

Then one day she sat by his side

She thought about herself and her pride

It put in perspective

Her actions rejective

She considered not being so snide

~

All he had done was be kind

And handsome, and smart, and refined

She thought her eyes

Had no room for guys

For her reflection they always did find

~

She hugged him close and then she said

“My dear, for me you have bled

So much sacrificed

I wasn’t even nice!

So tomorrow we both shall be wed.”

~

The two learned significant truths

She should not live without ruth

He found that beauty

Was much more than booty

And they loved in the bliss of youth


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15 Reviews


Points: 325
Reviews: 15

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Sun Apr 26, 2020 9:18 pm
StarlitMind wrote a review...



Hey!
I haven't read a limerick in a really long time. I thought you did a really nice job! The story was funny, and it kept me intrigued. I really enjoyed reading it! ^^
My favourite lines had to be "For she did not glance from her mirror/ She thought she could not be clearer/ Her one true love/ Or her lack thereof/ Was herself, and nobody nearer" I thought it was clever and funny.
I too thought it didn't flow that well in some places, but it's mentioned in another review, so I won't repeat.
I don't have anything else to say about it other than I really enjoyed it! Keep writing :)




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151 Reviews


Points: 8207
Reviews: 151

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Thu Apr 09, 2020 10:03 pm
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whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Hello silverquill12!

I love this poem. It's entertaining, the rhyming is consistent and natural, the flow is good, and there's even a message that can be learned from it.

Having said that, below are some grammar and wording nitpicks. After the nitpicks I'll give you my general thoughts.

She loved to go walk in the heat

When she passed a young man on the street
Personally, I would use a word like "once" instead of "when", because I think it conveys what you mean better. But this is just an opinion.

He was suddenly taken

His heart was awakened

He felt his whole life was complete


He hadn’t yet given up hope

For an answer he wouldn’t take “nope”
This line is a bit awkward, if possible I would try and find a way to reword it, however I understand sometimes you need to use an odd sentence structure to get things to rhyme.

He tried to woo her

He painted and drew her

With disregardadd comma he soon learned to cope



He was blinded by his own affection

For her personality and complexion

Yet he didn’t give in

He was so driven
"driven" and "give in" are not perfect rhymes; if possible, I would replace it with another word.

He knew that they had a connection


He bought her the nicest of things

Perfumes, dresses, and rings

She remained cool

She thought him a tool
This is not a critique, just a suggestion in case you hadn't thought of it; this line could also be, "she thought him a fool"

She was a queen who did not need a king


All he had done was be kind

And handsome, and smart, and refined
To make this line flow better, consider changing to "Handsome, smart, and refined"

She thought her eyes

Had no room for guys

For her reflection they always did find



So tomorrow we both shall be wed.”
Whoah! That's quite abrupt :)


General Thoughts
1. This poem is very humourous, and the rhyming helps convey the lighthearted mood nicely. More or less all of your rhymes were natural, so good job! That's very hard to achieve.

2. Just a couple of places where you could make it flow a bit better, but the majority of your poem flows nicely and is easy to say aloud.

3. Your plot is well thought out (even if the whole marriage thing is a little abrupt), and your message is conveyed clearly.

4. The only thing you could consider adding is more imagery, however that may just not be the style you're going for in this poem.

All in all, a really neat poem that is very well written and humorous! Good job!
I hope you found this review was helpful!

Keep writing!

Whatchamcallit




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103 Reviews


Points: 268
Reviews: 103

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Thu Apr 09, 2020 8:20 pm
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JesseWrites wrote a review...



I started to think this was about what your disclaimer told about, but than I realized. Limericks are one of my favorite poetry types, so I have standards. This piece was to the point and still entertaining.

They are separated in a alright fashion. The organization of the first few could have been improved.

~S.M.Locke~





“Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.”
— Dylan Thomas