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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

The Very Evil Sisterhood part 2

by DauntlessDagger


They spent four days in the Home. It was full of kids who cried and workers who didn't care. 



Then they were placed in their first home, which wasn't too bad. It was a family full of kids already, who lived on farm. They were very kind, but they couldn't take care of five girls at once. After a few months they sat down and explained that they could keep, and maybe adopt, Mallory and Daphne, but not the older ones. Val refused.



"If you split us up, they'll run away," she promised.



That family had been understanding enough, and let them go with minimal fuss.



The second family wasn't near as nice. There were three other children, another foster kid, a stepson, and a daughter. The daughter was fawned over, and the stepson and foster kids treated like second class citizens. The stepson took his anger out by trying to beat up the foster kids. Val managed to mostly protect the others, but somehow it was after he tried to catch Daphne (who was now six but still four years younger than him) alone in the bathroom and give her a beating, that he left them alone. No one knew what she did to him, only suddenly there was a lot of screaming, and when he came out he denied anything had happened, despite a bloody cheek and tore shirt sleeve.



"I tripped." He insisted to his stepmom. But Val had glimpsed the razor Daphne had hidden between the toilet and wall.



Happily, they left that family in less than six months. Daphne, however, kept the razor.



The third 'family' was an old woman who lived by herself. She always burned the food and lived in a huge, dusty house that was cold and ready to fall apart, but she was Val's favorite family yet. She was very kind and mostly insane, believing in fairies and witches and stuff, and told wonderful stories and let the children do almost anything they wanted. Val and Cassia easily took over doing most of the adult things: cooking, cleaning, taking care of money and groceries.



Unfortunately, six months later the place was decided to be unsuitable for children (they had nearly frozen that winter), and they were taken away, much to the sorrow of the woman and the girls. She had a happy ending though, ending up adopting several cats and few dogs that had been ill-treated or abandoned and caring for them for the rest of her days.



The fourth family was the shortest yet, lasting only six days. They wanted dolls, not children, and while they were fond of Mallory, who would preen on command, Daphne frustrated them. As for the older girls, well Cassia behaved herself well enough, but Val smoked and swore, and Des messed around with the woman's make-up and clothes. They left with the family determined that children were horrible things.



Then they stayed at the house with nearly five other kids and parents that were gone all the time. Val got in fights trying to protect her sisters, and for fun and pleasure, it must be said.



Des, who had brittle bones and needed a cane, played up the tragic-but-beautiful-girl for the sake of the boys and ended up kissing all three of them at varying times. This ended with them all getting angry at one another and beating each other up. Val jumped into that fray as well, because someone had to defend her sister's honor. Cassia took the foster parent's phone and put the whole thing on YouTube. Then Daphne stabbed one of them, 'because she thought it would be funny', and they had to call 911 because he was bleeding so badly. Mallory later admitted that the entire idea had been hers, and she didn't regret it.



That was the end of that home.



Then there was the pastor's family. They spent every day telling the girls how much they owned them for feeding them. They owned them, apparently, home-cooked meals, straight As on every subject, a spotless house and free time spent bible reading.



Val burnt the bible (and her Sunday best dress, a stupid one that made her look like laura Ingels) with cigarette butts, and swore especially loudly in church. Cassia emptied the offering plate and most of the congregation's wallets. Des kissed at least seven good christen boys who had never kissed anyone before and were not disappointed. Mallory scammed most of the kids at Sunday school out of their marbles and pennies. Daphne stabbed someone.



"There's something wrong with her," said Cassia, as the girls waited in the living room to be told that not only were they going to hell, but they were also leaving this morning.



"That guy had a terrible voice and decided to sing anyhow. There's nothing wrong with stabbing someone like that." Val replied.



The seventh and last family was also the worst. The father often got drunk and tended to hit anything he could see when he was. When he wasn't he got sickly sweet and far, far too interested in Des.



The mother was kindly dubbed 'the witch'. She had a billion rules and billion chores, and the result of not falling in line was missed meal (the fridge was literally chained) or being screamed at for 45 minutes straight. She treated the girls with pure disgust.



Val hated it, she couldn't care less about being screamed at and broke all the rules she could. Cassia stole food, finding the fridge quite easy to break into. The witch screamed at smacked and threatened, but it took at least three weeks before they left that place, and foster care in general, for good.



What happened was this: the witch was gone, and the father wasn't drunk. Des could not fight back or get away without breaking her own bones. Daphne had her razor and was unnoticed due to being only seven.



Val arrived in time to see the Des unharmed and untouched, and Daphne covered in blood that wasn't her own and unruffled by that fact. She and Mallory filled garbage bags with food, toothpaste, toilet paper, and clothes. Cassia cleaned out the little money left in the house. Val drove the spare car a while and then stopped.



They got out of the car and never bother looking back.



It was September 18th, 2011, and they had been in Care for nearly two years. That was all the time they'd spend.


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35 Reviews


Points: 219
Reviews: 35

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Sun Apr 05, 2020 10:31 pm
Vita wrote a review...



Really interesting second chapter, I liked how each girl clearly has a role in the group and they are all different.
Val is angry and angsty, a classic rebellious teen.
Cassia is the thief, she steals money and food.
Des is disabled but beautiful, she uses her looks to her advantage.
Mallory doesn't seem to have much development so far, but from what I can tell she's the mastermind, and is also the devious one.
And of course, Daphne is the (very) young thug, with her stolen razor. she's my favorite so far.
I like the plot and pacing of the book, but if i would make one suggestion, it would be to have a bit more development of the characters throughout the chapter. This seems to be sort of an origin story for them, in connection with the first part about the death of their mother. If it is, and I'm not way off the mark here, then there should be some change or growth from when they first entered the foster system. As it is, each character's personality feels pretty set from the beginning to the end, without changing much. Some things I was left wondering about were:
How did this effect there bond as siblings? Was there bond tested? did they grow even closer?
Why didn't they run away before the last foster home? why was that the breaking point?
How did Val have to step up as the oldest sibling after their mothers death? We know that she fights to protect her siblings, but how is she there for them emotionally? she seems like a very tough character, is the emotional side of taking care of her siblings hard for her?
How does each sibling cope with the grief of losing her mother? Do any of the awful homes they lived in traumatize/change any of them? How does going from being cared for by their mother to being all alone in the world change them? Are they already total badasses from the start, or do they have to toughen up/get stronger as they're on their own?
Those are all questions that would have made this chapter seem more fleshed out. (I know that looks like a lot, I didn't mean that all of those need to be answered, they are just a few suggestions for character arcs you could have added.) If there's development of the characters, it will make the story feel less like just an account of what happened and more like a journey.
Overall though, great second chapter. I love your character descriptions, they all feel like real people that I would want to be friends with. Your writing is really fast paced and I can't wait to learn what happens next. Great job!




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Fri Apr 03, 2020 10:45 am
Necromancer14 wrote a review...



Interesting! This was extremely unique, and I definitely enjoyed reading it.

Here's my review:

I really liked this idea. Each paragraph describes a different foster home that they are in? It's great. Each one was different and new, and I didn't get bored reading any of this.

"If you split us up, they'll run away," she promised.


Ah. One of THOSE groups of kids, the ones who always stick together.

alone in the bathroom and give her a beating, that he left them alone. No one knew what she did to him, only suddenly there was a lot of screaming, and when he came out he denied anything had happened, despite a bloody cheek and tore shirt sleeve.


Lol. This was probably my favorite part in the whole thing.

ending up adopting several cats and few dogs that had been ill-treated or abandoned and caring for them for the rest of her days.


The end of this section reads slightly confusingly. I would write "ill-treated or abandoned, caring for them for the rest of her days." It is much more clear.

Des, who had brittle bones and needed a cane, played up the tragic-but-beautiful-girl for the sake of the boys and ended up kissing all three of them at varying times. This ended with them all getting angry at one another and beating each other up. Val jumped into that fray as well, because someone had to defend her sister's honor. Cassia took the foster parent's phone and put the whole thing on YouTube. Then Daphne stabbed one of them, 'because she thought it would be funny', and they had to call 911 because he was bleeding so badly. Mallory later admitted that the entire idea had been hers, and she didn't regret it.

Never mind what I said earlier. I think that this is actually my favorite part.

They owned them, apparently, home-cooked meals, straight As on every subject, a spotless house and free time spent bible reading.


This also reads confusingly. Owned doesn't mean that the other person owes you. I would recommend writing something more like "They were owed, apparently, home-cooked meals, straight As on every subject..."

seven good christen boys


You made a small typo. "Christian" is spelled like "Christian," not "Christen," which is a different word.

It was September 18th, 2011, and they had been in Care for nearly two years. That was all the time they'd spend.


Nice ending!

Well, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.





Everything is a lot of things!
— Hank Green