Young Writers Society

Hi Niteowl,
I really enjoyed reading your poem. I thought that the imagery was excellent and the message was powerful. I love how you related your feelings to a beach in a sort of extended metaphor. I think that your second stanza is a very important component of your poem because it is what takes your poem to a deeper level. That being said, I think that you should also consider adding another stanza diving even deeper into your emotions and feelings in order to make this poem even better. Additionally, I really thought that your last stanza tied up your poem very well. I especially liked how you said, "when a beach was a beach and swimming was swimming" to emphasize the importance of a more simple and less judgemental life. All in all, great job, this was an amazing poem, and I really hope to read more of your works in the future. Good luck!

This was an excellent write. I could truly appreciate and feel the toll a judgemental society takes on the common people. Sure, we think of beaches as a place to just swim and be merry, but at the end of the day we take back nothing but criticism and comments much shallower than the deep ocean waters.
The original poem is also good, but this one is surely written in a better language and expression.
I actually love the gif which you have made your display icon. Very cute and innovative.
This poem is one of the best I came across in a while. Hope you continue writing. Looking forward to see more from you!

I think this is fantastic, it reminds me a lot of Frankenstein by Mary Shelly in how the character from Frankenstein and the character from your poem both long for a greater meaning to surpass the felt “ugliness.”

It’s very deep, and it’s sweet it’s a good poem that reminds me of a good indie teenage romance movie that doesn’t end well but gets at a good point. I would like to see like a constant edit on this where you are always editing it to a current standard or even to your own feelings. Idk why but I feel like that would be cool with this to show growth on this lyrical poem ig and may add an amazing depth to it.