In sleepless nights I lie awake.
Staring at the dark ceiling in disdain,
trying to look for stars in the wrong place.
A queer feeling that something is missing,
but what is it that I have lost?
Competing in this
crazy self-obsessed world
where one must proves his worthiness,
somewhere I have lost myself.
Trained to be busy for something
I don't actually care for,
being busy impressing others
who have different values than mine,
busy doing something I don’t even know
why am I doing it in the first place.
I have no idea of
who I am.
I don’t know what to believe in.
Somewhere I’ve lost myself.
This emptiness haunts my soul.
Most days I feel empty and sad,
yet I have to cover it up with a smile
and fake gratitude to avoid their pity.
A missing purpose in my life
is what fills the void within me.
Feeling like I am
towards nothing in life,
or may be even worse :
Feeling like being dead
actually sounds better than
staying alive with a dying soul.
What if this race is not meant for me?
What if i don’t want to be a part of this?
Don’t make me run after your ambitions.
My soul is craving
depth and connection.
These rules of the self-fish society
have kept me hostage to fear ;
trapped in a zombie-like comfort.
My life has gone auto-pilot mode,
I have lost the controls of my actions.
A human-bot incapable of feeling
the sensations of joy and happiness.
Still lying awake,
sad and in misery.
My mind still searching for something,
wondering when the days would get better.
Weaving a web of expectations and
getting entangled as I struggle to come out .
I have become a fake person with fake aspects,
so afraid of their expectations, to become perfect.
Trying to fit in their ideal frame with a forlorn hope
I realize with pain , I have lost my true-self.