z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

From a Frustrated Student

by lizapieza


It was hours until I was able to sit down at my desk, and finally breathe a sigh of relief. 

The piles of paper stacked on my desk served as shrines to my hard work (and tears). Although there was something to be said for the way they stood, monolithic and commanding, ultimately these papers meant nothing but a waste of time to me. I began to put my work away, but as I tore apart my testaments to knowledge brick by brick, a deep pang of longing was left within me. These were once temples revered by me, and I used to spend hours dreaming about them. How beautiful the libraries of Alexandria must have been! What wonders did lie in those pages that were burnt like fallen leaves, curling and shriveling in the fire... Like an ancient author watching their life's work turn into ashes, here I sat watching something so beloved to me, my passion, dissipate into nothing. The love for learning that had guided my life for so long was now drifting into the sky, and all I could do was wonder where it might go. 

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142 Reviews

Points: 1992
Reviews: 142

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Sun Feb 23, 2020 2:13 pm
looseleaf wrote a review...



**My Thoughts**

Hey @lizapieza! LZ here with a review! I liked this little story. Well, I guess it isn't a story, I'll just call it a paragraph from here on out. Your choice of words is amazing and makes the piece sound professional.

**Formatting and Grammar**

I liked how simply formatted this poem is. It is very neat and is easy to read. I think you could move the first sentence into the paragraph, it doesn't do much difference if it's separate. If you wanted to take it a step further, you could indent the paragraph, but it looks great as it is.

As for grammar, this paragraph is wonderful! I mentioned it before, but your wording is great! A few of my favorites:

my passion, dissipate into nothing

curling and shriveling

monolithic and commanding


**Punctuation and Capitalization**

Your punctuation was perfect! I really appreciate that. It's nice to read and review a piece that you can read smoothly and know where to stop.

Capitalization was great! As I previously mentioned, the paragraph flowed smoothly with the help of full punctuation and capitalization!

**Quick Review**

Great work! I loved your wording and how everything was correct!

Keep on writing, you are spectacular! Have a good rest of February!




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111 Reviews

Points: 9075
Reviews: 111

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Sun Feb 23, 2020 12:43 am
tgham99 wrote a review...



From a college student: this was a very relatable description of what it's like to sit down at your desk and think about tackling the piles of work that accompany a school week.

The first comment I want to make is that I like your word choice -- "monolithic and commanding" in particular is a descriptory term that I enjoyed very much, because I feel like it accurately describes how formidable the idea of a ton of papers can be.

I also like that this isn't too simple that it lacks intensity and emotion. Lines like "deep pang of longing" and "ancient author watching their life's work turn into ashes" convey a sense of hopelessness and desolation that heighten the reader's understanding of what it's like to be in the speaker's shoes.

The tone of frustration is very evident, which I give you props for. The speaker makes it very clear that this isn't simply him/her ranting about school, but rather the sad experience of watching the desire for knowledge drift out of their grasp -- a frustrating and sad situation indeed.

I don't have many suggestions aside from perhaps adding one line to really tie the poem together in the end to leave a lasting impression of intensity, but this is optional, as the piece works well as is.

Wonderful job & write on!





To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.
— Tony Dorsett