Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whatever it is in your part of the world)
Chapter 6, almost halfway (Yaay!)
First Impression: Moved a bit fast. Good fight scene but some of the descriptions were a bit underwhelming. Nice touch bringing the viewpoints full circle.
Okay, on with it,
Isaac looked at his watch with bleary, tired eyes. It showed 2:38 A.M. He looked up at the three screens that were sitting on top of some boxes, showing what the security cameras were seeing. He rubbed his eyes and looked away from the boring, ultraviolet-illuminated landscape that was being shown.
Another nice little nod to the previous scene.
He reached his hand up and gingerly touched the back of his sunburned neck, internally chastising himself at not bringing sunscreen.
In this part the sunburn part doesn't make as much sense. In the previous instance it was funny but here it stands out.
“Uh, guys, look,” said Maurie, one of the agents that Isaac was working with. Isaac looked back up at the security camera screens.
"Uh,guys,look" sounds a bit too unprofessional. I'd expect a secret agent who I'm assuming isn't another sixteen year old would be a bit more professional in his language.
“It’s Here!” yelled Larry amidst static. He was not a moment too soon, as Isaac heard the sound of machine guns(when did those get here? I though they had assault rifles.) going off at the other side of the building.
Everybody began sprinting towards the front of the warehouse. As they got closer, a ginormous blue ball of energy formed and exploded, sending I.S.U.E. agents flying. Isaac could make out the silhouette of something large and black moving around and maneuvering inhumanly fast, with agents running away and the occasional fireball lighting up the sky.
Now this is a nice description. Good start to the fight.
When Isaac arrived he brought his assault rifle up to his shoulder and began firing, but only for a few seconds, as he was completely terrified and didn’t want to attract it’s attention.
An standard assault rifle fired for a few seconds is enough to nearly empty the mag. So when he fires this later there should be a mag changing scene in between.
No! We were so close, and yet we still failed! thought Isaac, his frustration pulsing through his mind as he hid behind a large chunk of burnt I.S.U.E. equipment.(Describe it. It would give the reader a better idea of what the situation is like) He cowered still lower as a large piece of concrete from the warehouse thudded next to him.
Unknown number one staggered out of the warehouse with a limp, covered in bruises and gashes. Isaac got a closer look at it, suddenly realizing what Unknown number one looked like. It looked pretty much exactly like a coal black dragon; with scales, wings, and everything.
"The dragon here is like the most important thing. You need a more detailed and dramaatic description. This seems like you rushed the description just to get to the action."
“Come on, guys! Look, it has weakened!” yelled someone. (Again not very professional language)
Everybody began gloomily packing up and helping first responders (Okay slow down. When did the first responders arrive? You need to slow things down and show this stuff happening)to load injured agents into ambulances. Isaac put the assault rifle away in the Sioux Falls base, and after helping people clean up the site, he drove off in his rental car. He then arrived at the airport, and several hours later he left in the plane.
Here it's moving way too fast. All of that just dusted up in a single paragrah.
Isaac stared out the window during the trip, thinking about this strange adversary. A dragon? It was probably a coincidence; yet it seemed strange that humans would have old lore and tales about dragons, and then having dragons be an actual thing. Could dragons have come here before? Isaac wondered. The question was both terrifying and intriguing.
Now this is a really good paragraph. Gets the reader thinking on the same lines as Isaac and makes you want to read more.
“Hey, Isaac! How ya doin?” asked Josh.
“Uh, Fine,” answered Isaac.
“I’m hosting a party at my house. You’re coming, right?” Josh asked.
“Uh, sure,” Isaac replied.
“Great! It starts at ten, make sure you’re not late, like you always are!” said Josh rather enthusiastically. Josh hung up, and Isaac put his phone back into his pocket. Seriously, Josh dragged me off to a party four days ago. This is too much, thought Isaac. And, knowing Josh, it’s probably an all-nighter.
Can't he say no? He just got back from a life and death situation. Surely he could take a day off.
“Finally! I told you not to be late, and yet here you are, arriving thirty minutes after the party has already started,” lectured Josh.
“You don’t sound surprised,” replied Isaac.
“Actually, I’m very surprised. You’re only half an hour late this time. Usually, you arrive a full hour or two late,” said Josh teasingly.
Nice bit of banter.
Isaac and Josh walked into the house. Isaac looked around, analyzing the situation. To his horror, there wasn’t any furniture left that didn’t already have people on them. He finally sat down at the end of a three-person couch that had a girl sitting on the other side. He looked over at the girl sitting on the other side of the couch, realizing that she was Violet, Josh’s new girlfriend. A split second later he realized that she looked unusually pale and frightened.
This surprised Isaac. From what he knew of Violet, she was always partying and having fun, and yet here she was, looking miserable in the middle of a party. Wait a second… miserable isn’t quite the right word, more like… terrified? thought Isaac. At that moment, Isaac went into investigator mode, as he realized a possible cause of Violet’s scaredness. He shoved his shyness aside and addressed her.
This is the first part of the story where I feel like Violet acts like Alice's friend. Thing is wouldn't she have told her parents? Called the police? Not attend a party at a time like that?
Isaac didn’t hear that last statement as he was already scrambling into his car. If Unknown number one kidnapped Alice, then I know exactly how to find him! Isaac realized, already planning on how he was going to steal Alice’s medical information.
Isaac drove straight to the I.S.U.E. bunker while he called his boss to relay to him this new information about Unknown number one.
We’ll get Unknown number one yet, he thought.
Okay another interesting ending as usual. Now we want to know what this method is.
Aand CUT!!!
Okay overall bit of an average fight scene. It could have been made a lot cooler if you described it more. Still really interesting plot. Definitely want to continue to read.
Again I hope I wasn't being too harsh. Just pointing stuff out. Take what you think will help and forget the rest.
Stay Safe 
Harry
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