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E - Everyone

boy, i

by Daughter


boy

wanted me to pretend i didn’t care

because he didn’t mean it.

boy

wanted me to love him

and didn’t want to love me back.

boy

wanted me to know how pretty she was

and that he could be with her if he wanted.

boy

wanted me to remember he was all i had

and it was my fault. i made it that way.

i

was nothing to my heart

but he was everything.

i guess that’s why he left


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521 Reviews


Points: 1140
Reviews: 521

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Tue Jan 14, 2020 1:44 pm
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Jaybird wrote a review...



Hello there! I saw your poem lurking in the Green Room, so I thought I'd get it out of there for you.

I'm not sure if I like the poem's simplicity or its format better. Something I always need to work towards in my own poems is showing and not telling - I struggle to add enough examples. Even though your poem is short and simple, it gives just enough details for the reader to put themselves in the speaker's shoes.

But while the simplicity is great, I think the format is where your poem really shines. The topic of your poem isn't anything groundbreaking; it's something that multiple people have gone through. And that's not a bad thing! It means your poem is relatable to a large audience. But it also means you need something special to make it shine, and your formatting is that special thing.

Putting "boy" at the start of every train of thought throughout the majority of the poem shows how the speaker centered their world around "boy", even when it's clear to the reader that "boy" didn't feel the same way. At the very end of the poem, the speaker realizes what the reader figured out in the poem, and changed their thought process so they put themselves first.

It's a great way to show the speaker's journey, and part of the reason I like this poem so much. I hope it ends up in the literary spotlight!

Edit: Looks like it has! :P




Daughter says...


<3 <3 thank you so much!



Jaybird says...


You're welcome!



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25 Reviews


Points: 17
Reviews: 25

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Tue Jan 14, 2020 6:46 am
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BEWriter wrote a review...



This is an amazing poem, and giiirrrrl, you are better off without him. I really enjoyed the overall set up of the stanzas, and I think the structure really helped with the message. This meaning, that I like how in the beginning and middle it was talking about "boy" and at the end it finally got to "I", a fresh start for you even if you didn't realize it at the time.
This gave a great story and impacted emotion in such a short poem, and it is honestly perfect!
Keep doing a great job!




Daughter says...


thank you haha!!



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55 Reviews


Points: 614
Reviews: 55

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Mon Jan 13, 2020 4:44 am
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dahlia58 says...



Good riddance to him~




Daughter says...


word haha




A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it.
— Roald Dahl