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i don't love him anymore

by alliyah


i’m happy to say, i don’t love him anymore,

really, i don’t. and even better – i don’t hate him.

i used to for a really long time, love, hate,

and both mixed together. but not anymore. i feel light, i feel free,

unburdened; a bird soaring taking the clouds for my keeping,

i could love anyone in the world, because i am not tied down

to anything. no frayed strings hanging from this heart.

i don’t love him anymore, i don’t hate him, and you can tell

because i don’t write poetry about him anymore.

what? you thought these words were a poem?

well no. this is not a poem at all,

it’s just the words i whisper to myself

between stanza breaks, when i need convincing

that these overdue feelings are not all that i am.


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Wed Sep 15, 2021 6:02 pm
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FireEyes wrote a review...



Heya alliyah! Incoming review!

Again, I was just looking through your portfolio, and this one really piqued my interest and I'm glad I read it! Now time to review your work!

I'll start out with any critique I may have.

i could love anyone in the world, because i am not tied down

to anything.
I just think the line break we have from "not tied down" to "to anything" is too abrupt. I was thinking it could run smoother if you put a full stop after "not tied down" and "to anything" could be it's own statement.

i used to for a really long time, love, hate,

and both mixed together.
I think "both mixed together" sounds a little clunky. If you change the order to, "and mix both together." It'll sound more like a flow of words from you actually talking.

But I'm done with critique, let me praise your wonderful work! On the overall theme of your poem, it moved me. The indifference of him is so well portrayed, I wish I could move on from someone like this.
i’m happy to say, i don’t love him anymore,

really, i don’t. and even better – i don’t hate him.
These lines are a great opening. It can feel just as bad, if not worse, to break off from someone and hate them, than stay in a "loveless" relationship. I don't know how to explain, it just gives me the happy feeling.

what? you thought these words were a poem?

well no. this is not a poem at all,

it’s just the words i whisper to myself

between stanza breaks, when i need convincing

that these overdue feelings are not all that i am.
Aaaaaaand a brilliant ending to your poem too. Sure this might fit the dictionary definition of a poem, but it really isn't. For you, it's you getting these feelings out in writing, that you don't love him anymore with no hate attached. It's strong yet calming if that makes sense.

But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! I'll probably be back with another review of an older work of yours. Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeee<3

Image




alliyah says...


Great points on flow! I'll definitely keep those in mind in revising. And I'm glad you enjoyed the twist ending there, it's meant to create a little reader suspicion because the piece looks like a poem, so is the speaker lying? and if they're lying? then are they really not still in love/hate with the subject or is that a lie as well ~

Thanks for sharing your feelings and reflections and thoughts! I appreciate them a lot! <3



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Mon Jan 13, 2020 9:34 am
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MeherazulAzim16 wrote a review...



Hi Alliyah,

What I love most about this poem is that it manages to carry this melancholy weight throughout. It does a good job of capturing that feeling, Or rather, that sudden, total lack of feeling toward someone, accompanied by the new-found sense of freedom.

It does feel liberating. Yes, we can move on to different things without having to worry about strings. But it's also liberating because we can see clearly now that the love was always struggling to make up for/balance out the hate that was so obviously there too. Liberating, yet there's a sadness about it.

The latter verses are interesting.

because i don’t write poetry about him anymore.
what? you thought these words were a poem?


I wonder if these verses are trying to convey denial.

between stanza breaks, when i need convincing

This may be my only complain about this poem. It was a little hard to visualize what you meant here. Isn't it just stanzas themselves that are in between the stanza breaks? I wonder if you meant to write between stanzas. I could be looking at it wrong.

I hope the review helps. Have a wonderful day!

~MAS




alliyah says...


Thank you for your review & interpretation, good points! So on this:
Isn't it just stanzas themselves that are in between the stanza breaks?
you're right! I meant to imply that either this eas nothing or it was in a poem, in which case the speaker has lied -> because the space between stanza breaks is just stanzas - that implies they are still writing poetry about him, further proven by the piece itself being a poem about him.

You could also interpret it as like every pause between writing they remind themselves this - either interpretation was intended.

All the best!
alliyah





Thanks for clearing that up!



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Fri Jan 10, 2020 6:56 pm
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tgham99 wrote a review...



The feelings of relief and freedom stand out to me the most in this poem. I love the way you liken the speaker's unfettering to a bird taking to the sky; it kind of reminds me of a few lines from "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac, if you're heard of it. I personally don't mind the lack of capitalization (that's how I personally type most of the time anyway) and I feel like it gives the poem a more subdued tone rather than a formal one, though this may or may not have been your actual intention.

"i feel light, i feel free, unburdened.." is probably my favorite line, but it's tied with the last three lines of the poem.

Lovely poem that expresses the feelings of freedom and lightness that mark what it means to finally move on from a relationship.

Great job!!




alliyah says...


Thanks for your comments @tgham99! Have a good day!



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Fri Jan 10, 2020 2:17 pm
queenshadowgem wrote a review...



Gem here, climbing out of her jewelrybox for a review. I like this poem. The way you've explained this. How heart warming it is. I've felt the same way myself, but how you put it really made it special. You've definitely given the feeling that the relationship was special at one point and this person was well-loved, it was hard to let go. I'm getting an image of it being a page out of my life because you've made it that real. Maybe that is not exactly the thought you had in mind when writing this poem, but it is beautiful.

I will offer a bit of constructive criticism by saying, keep an eye out for capitalization. :) Other than that, you've done a great job. Keep it up! Keep writing. I'd love to see more.

This Is Gemini signing off and climbing back into the jewelrybox.




alliyah says...


Hey Gem - I really appreciate the review. Just a comment on your note about capitalization - so in poetry capitalization can actually be used or not used in order to communicate a mood or attitude. Poetry does not have to adhere to the same grammatical rules as prose, in fact poets often break the rules of prose in order to make a point. I'm pointing this out, because I think this might help you in future interpretations, and is also something I didn't know myself when I was getting into poetry.

In this poem for instance, I've chosen to leave the pronoun "i" lowercased in order to communicate a lack of confidence in the speaker - which should contrast with the confidence that's expressed in the opening lines, and also to subvert the reader's expectations of what "should" be happening. In the last three lines of the poem the reader's expectations are again subverted - learning that the "poem" may not be a poem at all, and then must second-guess the speaker's statements in the opening lines. The lack of capitalization communicates a more poetic (rather than narrative) flow of logic, which acts to further highlight the inconsistency between the message that the speaker doesn't love the subject, and the content.

I hope that helps out! A great resource for understanding capitalization in poetry was written by @Aley Capitalization in Poetry.





I was not sure if it was an artistic choice, I found it better to test whether it was or not than leave out commentary on it altogether in order to better understand your piece. I understand the subject of it not being neccessary, but sometimes it is used as a ploy instead of an effect. That is the writers right but In those cases I would encourage capitilization. However thank you for further enlightening me on you case.



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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi alliyah! Niteowl here with a quick review.

Overall, this feels more like something that needed to be written, but it's not the strongest start. The first few lines are kind of boring, like I've read them elsewhere.

The first interesting line in the poem comes with "a bird soaring taking the clouds for my keeping". The idea of free as a bird is pretty cliche, but then the idea of taking the clouds is pretty interesting, like now you can take something so nebulous and enormous and keep it for yourself. You're not holding on to this burden, so you can take on bigger things.

"no frayed strings hanging from this heart". Again, this is kind of an interesting addition to the previous cliche of not being tied down. It's a little sad, though, if you think about it, because there's no way to tie this heart down if there's no strings. Is it just going to wander the skies forever, alone and unloved? Man, that could be an entire poem by itself if you played with it.

The last few lines are where I think this piece really shines. It rings true and casts doubt on the previous statement that the speaker is over him. There's also an interesting wordplay on "overdue feelings", almost like feelings are a library book we "should" have turned in long ago.

Overall, I wouldn't say this is your strongest poem, but it does have some good lines and this feels like something that needed to be written. Keep writing! :D




alliyah says...


All good points nite! I also don't think the poem is particularly a strong one, but I liked the turn at the end on whether it was a poem or not / true or not (which I'm glad you picked up on!) and then was also feeling like I needed sort of a conclusive poem for this stage of writing - so yeah, I think you're also right that it's probably just one of those things that feels like it needs to be written.

Thanks again for your thoughts, I'll keep them in mind!




Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
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