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Does It Matter?

by MeherazulAzim16


INT. A RESTURAUNT -- AFTERNOON

GALIB is 22. He is not obese but not too far from it. He's
sat opposite SABRINA, 22. She is pretty. One'd say Sabrina is
way out of his league. It's a blind date.

After a period of silence:

                      GALIB
          Why are you here? 

                      SABRINA
          Sorry? Why am I HERE or like in
          general?

                      GALIB
                (light laughter)
          Here.

                      SABRINA
          It's a date. 

                      GALIB
          A blind date. 

                      SABRINA
          Why is it called a blind date?

                      GALIB
                (distracted)
          Why, indeed...

                      SABRINA
          Ahem.. SO.

                      GALIB
                (Startled)
          So?

                      SABRINA
          So, why is it called a blind date? 

                      GALIB
          It wasn't rhetorical?

                      SABRINA
          It was, as a matter of fact. But
          since you're clearly not interested
          in the 'date aspects' of the
          afternoon, we might as well discuss
          why a blind date is called a blind
          date. 

                      GALIB
          Are you being passive-aggressive?
          You're not my girlfriend.

                      SABRINA
          Astute observation.

------------------------------ 2. --------------------------

Galib takes the hint. And also a sip from a glass. 

                      SABRINA
          No, I really am interested in the
          nomenclature... (stares
          expectantly)

                      GALIB
          Google it?

Sabrina uses her phone.

                      GALIB
          What does it say?

                      SABRINA
          ETA 5 minutes.

                      GALIB
          Sorry?

                      SABRINA
          Oh that's my UBER. 

Galib looks at his watch.

                      GALIB
          O..K. 

                      SABRINA
          You looked at your watch. 

                      GALIB
          I looked at my watch.

                      SABRINA
          Why did you look at your watch?

                      GALIB
          Just quenching my desire to knoweth
          the time. 

Unimpressed stare from Sabrina.

                      SABRINA
                (mocking)
          Knoweth..

                      GALIB
          I know. I'm just fucking with you. 
        

                      SABRINA
          Well, it doesn't matter now, does
          it? 

Awkward silence.

------------------------------ 3. --------------------------

                      GALIB
          I just wanted to keep track of how
          long we got left. 

Sabrina does not react.

                      GALIB
                (looking down)
          Truth is, I think you're pretty and
          witty.

Sabrina tries to seem dismissive at first but she listens
attentively.

                      GALIB
          And I wish I didn't blow this. I
          regret it already. I wanted to
          prolong the hurt of regret by
          counting the seconds. Because
          that's what I do. I like to feel
          the hurt. But I'd also love to be
          loved. Isn't that why we're both
          here?

                      SABRINA
          Think so.

                      GALIB (beginning to stutter)
          And what then? So, someone loves
          me. GOOD FOR THEM, eh? Good that
          they get themselves to love someone
          in the first place. 

                      SABRINA
          To clarify.. you can't get yourself
          to LOVE? 

                      GALIB
          I love my PlayStation. 

                      SABRINA
          I love my cousin.

Galib gets a little uncomfortable.

                      SABRINA
          Joke, kiddo. Settle down. And you
          don't LOVE your PlayStation the
          way-- 

                      GALIB
          Really?

                      SABRINA
          Ok. Maybe you do. Fuck.

Awkward silence. Again. 

------------------------------ 4. --------------------------

Sabrina looks at her phone.

                      GALIB
          ETA 3 minutes? (coughs)

Sabrina puts the phone down on the table. Crosses her arms.

                      SABRINA
          Something like that. (beat) Why are you here?

                      GALIB
                (sighs, shows lack of
                 mental energy)
          I don't know.. 

                      SABRINA
          Ok, calling UBER was rude on my
          part. You didn't blow it alone.
          Takes two. 

Sabrina sounds sincere here. Leans forward.

                      SABRINA
          I'm sorry.

                      GALIB
          Well, GOOD for you.. (immediately
          regrets but doesn't say anything)

Silence. Regret fills the atmosphere. Galib observes the
tablecloth, holding a faux-smile and maybe holding back a
couple tears.

Sabrina takes a deep breath. 

                      SABRINA
                (tries to sound naive)
          SO. 

Galib looks up.

                      GALIB
          So.

                      SABRINA
          Why are you here?

                      GALIB
                (rather amused)
          Fuck.

------------------------------ 5. --------------------------

                      SABRINA
                (happier)
          I know. 

                      GALIB
                (looking at his watch)
          We are nearly out of time.

                      SABRINA
          Proceed, Mr Obvious.

                      GALIB
          Okay.. Short version. It's partly
          because I couldn't take any more of
          Cait's nagging..

It cracks Sabrina up. CAIT is the mutual friend. 

                      GALIB
          But I wouldn't have agreed to the
          setup if part of me didn't want it.
          I'm just so tired all the time.
          Tired and lonely. It took me a while
          before I could conjure up the energy to open
          myself up to something like a date.

                      SABRINA
          That sucks.

                      GALIB
          Ya. Anyway, I like to think Cait
          wouldn't have minded if I said no.
          I tend to Pavlov my friends with
          disappointment early on. 

                      SABRINA
          Is that what you've been doing to
          me the whole afternoon?

                      GALIB
          What do you mean the whole
          afternoon.. We've been here ten
          minutes. 

                      SABRINA
                (teasing)
          Really? I swear it felt longer. 

                      GALIB
                (chuckles a little)
          No shit, Sabrina.

Silence but not awkward. Rather satisfying. 

Galib looks at his watch. 

------------------------------ 6. --------------------------

                      GALIB
                (sighs)
          It should be time.

                      SABRINA
          I didn't get any specific results.
          Other than the obvious ones. 

                      GALIB
          What do you mean?

                      SABRINA
          I mean, I felt stupid the moment I
          hit GO. Of course it's called a
          blind date. We go in blind. Most of
          the time, we come out blind
          because we don't know what the fuck
          just happened. Other than that, I
          don't know.

Pause. If it ain't broke, don't cut it. 

                      GALIB
                (disbelief)
          Ok. Are you kidding me? No. You're
          a schemer. I'm on a blind date with
          a master manipulator.

                      SABRINA
          Does it matter? 

                      GALIB
                (amusement and disbelief)
          I hate you.  

                      SABRINA 
          I know.

                      GALIB
                (contd. a little angry)
          SO much.

                      SABRINA 
          Wanna ditch this place?

                      GALIB
          Where do we go from here?

They walk out of the place. Locking arms, perhaps
surprisingly, but that's not the focus of the shot.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT

Sabrina receives a text. 

                      GALIB
          It's the UBER driver, isn't it...

                      SABRINA 
                (joking manner)
          Oh ya, definitely.

------------------------------ 7. --------------------------

Sabrina takes a quick glance at the screen. The screen isn't
shown. There's a hint of worry on her face. They keep walking.

                      SABRINA 
          Ya, no, it's just Cait asking how
          it went. 

                      GALIB
          Sure. Tell her it went to shit.

                      SABRINA 
          Funny, cause it did.

They walk off into the crowd.

The end.
           
          

                      

                       
           
           
          


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Sun Mar 15, 2020 4:27 am
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Kassiani wrote a review...



Hello again! (Should I call you Meherazul or Azim? Or 16?) I swear I’m not stalking your portfolio—I just happened to be looking for scripts to review and saw this, so of course I had to give it a read. And I really enjoyed it!

I think, for the most part, you got the dialogue right: it was realistic/believable without being boring, which is surprisingly tricky to pull off. It goes without saying that script dialogue is very different from prose dialogue, and arguably much more difficult to write. In prose, the dialogue can be more ornate—it doesn't have to sound natural when read aloud. But script dialogue is far less forgiving. Luckily, most of the dialogue here would sound fine on film. There were a few moments where the dialogue slipped into a prose-y style, but you managed to stay on track most of the time. (Remember to read your script dialogue aloud to avoid any fumbles.)

You continue to shine with your character work. The interaction between Galib and Sabrina was a really interesting tête-à-tête. Very funny at times, and I like that you left the ending ambiguous. I think it was a good choice to let the audience decide the fate of their relationship (or lack thereof, as the case may be). Also, even though this was very short, I still feel like I got a sense of both their personalities—particularly Galib's—and their dynamic. On that subject, I think Galib's an intriguing character. I like how he was sort of benignly awkward and uncertain of himself, clearly interested in Sabrina but holding himself back. And I really liked that when Sabrina acted antagonistically, he'd give her the same treatment. It was nice that it wasn't a one-sided thing, that both of them were speaking sort of sharply to the other, and neither one was the "villain" of the scene.

The previous reviewer said Sabrina could've used more personality, and perhaps she did feel less realized than Galib, but at the same time, I didn't find her lacking. I think I got a sufficient sense of who she was: a bit acidy, always ready with a witty retort, but actually quite nice underneath it all. She didn't feel underwritten to me, at least not for a piece this short. Obviously if it was longer, I'd want more—not just from Sabrina but from Galib, too—but this is an itty-bitty script and you only had so much space to establish who they are.

Also, I disagree with the last reviewer: I don't think Galib and Sabrina did a 180 at all. To the contrary, their relationship actually struck me as pretty consistent. My read on it was that they had a hot/cold dynamic that ebbed and flowed over the course of the scene, ending on a note that was perhaps more positive but far from conclusive—in other words, it definitely didn't seem to me like they went "from hating to loving each other," and I'm glad it didn't, as that would've been much more simplistic (not to mention corny). They had such a curious, complicated chemistry—it was hard to tell if they could work as a couple or not, or if they'd even want to try, and I liked that. (I was also pleased that they were the only two characters with dialogue for the entirety of the script. Really emphasized the intimacy of the scene, and it was thematically appropriate for a story about dating.)

One suggestion I have for you is to be more selective with your parentheticals. You used a lot of them in this scene, but it's considered bad form for the writer to direct the actor. Only use them when necessary. If the tone of the dialogue is obvious or if the delivery can be left up to the actor or director to decide, leave them out. (Down below, I have a couple examples of particularly needless ones you can cut.)

Anyway, I'd love to see a longer version of this—maybe in the ballpark of 20-25 pages? It might be hard to sustain for that long but I feel like you could pull it off. In an extended version, you'd have a chance to really dig into these characters and their dynamic. I'd also like to see you go deeper into some of the big concepts briefly touched on in this scene (e.g., the nature of dating and the games that go along with it). And I'd also add, since the previous reviewer brought it up, that while the pacing didn't really bother me, I do think it would be improved if the script was longer and you had more time to settle in.

With that out of the way, it's time for some comments.

Why, indeed..

Either add another dot or get rid of one. Standard ellipses require three. You make this mistake a couple times throughout.

So, why is it called blind date?

You're missing the indefinite article before "blind date."

It wasn't a rhetorical?

Either add "question" after "rhetorical" or strike the article.

since you're clearly not interested in the 'date aspects' of the afternoon

Is that clear? I mean, I gather that the conversation hasn't exactly been flowing. But that happens on a lot of blind dates? It kind of surprises me that Sabrina sees this as a sign he isn't interested, and not that he's just, I dunno, shy or socially awkward.

SABRINA
(sarcastic)
Astute observation.

I think it's pretty clear she's being sarcastic, so the parenthetical isn't necessary.

Galib takes the hit.

"Hit" should be "hint."

And also a sip from the glass.

The glass was not previously established, so change "the" to "a."

Why did you look at your watch?.

No need for further punctuation after the question mark, so get rid of the period.

GALIB
(contd.)
And I wish I didn't blow this.

You don't need to write "cont'd" when working on a spec script. That's not necessary until later, when the script goes into production, at which point it's reformatted into a shooting script and things like "con't" and scene numbers are added.

I wanted to prolong the hurt of regret by counting the seconds. Because that's what I do. I like to feel the hurt.

I don't know if I follow what you're saying here. Initially I thought Galib was going to say that he was trying to avoid "the hurt of regret" by acting indifferently toward Sabrina and hiding his interest in her—so that he wouldn't have to feel badly if she rejected him—but then you used the word "prolong," and also threw in the bit about counting the seconds and how he likes to feel hurt, and now I'm confused about what point he's making. It seems that he wanted to wallow in regret and he thought watching the clock would accomplish that (I guess by screwing up the date)? I mean, I gather that he's a self-sabotaging character and this bit of dialogue is probably meant to signal that to the audience, which is fine, but maybe it could be phrased in a way that makes his perspective easier to understand.
I also think the wording here sounds a bit too literary, and as a result, it loses the conversational tone of the rest of the scene. I feel like an actor saying this aloud would sound odd, especially in the context of the other dialogue.

But I'd also love to be loved. Isn't that why we're both here?

Damn, that's pretty forward for a first date. Then again, he is socially awkward, so maybe it works.

GALIB
(runs out of air by the
end of the dialogue)
ETA 3 minutes? *coughs*

This is such a short sentence that I don't know how he could run out of air by the end of it? I tested it by saying it aloud a few times as quickly as possible, and I still didn't come close.
Also: don't put "coughs" in asterisks, just add another parenthetical to the end or otherwise put it in the action directions.

SABRINA
Something like that.

SABRINA
(contd.)
Why are you here?

I'm not sure why these Sabrina lines are separated, but it isn't necessary. If you want there to be a pause between them, just add a "(beat)" parenthetical in the middle. No need to write her name twice.

Sabrina sounds sincere here but also trivial

Not sure if "trivial" is the right word for this.

GALIB
Well, GOOD for you..

The capitalized "GOOD" made me imagine this line being delivered in a very Chandler Bing way, which was funny, but probably not what you were going for. Anyway, I don't think the capitalization is necessary.

It cracks Sabrina up. CAIT is the mutual friend.

Interesting that you clarified Cait's relationship to them in action rather than dialogue. I don't mind though. It probably would've sounded like hopelessly clunky exposition if you went out of your way to establish to the viewer who they're talking about, and I think an audience would be able to put the pieces together on their own.

It took me a while before I conjure up the energy

Change "took" to "takes."

SABRINA
(teasing)
Really? I swear it felt longer.

It's pretty obvious she's teasing, so the parenthetical can be removed.

Most of the times,

Should just be "time."

I'm in a blind date
There's a hint of worry in her face.

"In" should be "on."

They walk out of the place.

Add another scene heading once they leave the restaurant that clarifies where they walk off to. (I'm assuming some kind of street?)

Anyway, as I'm sure is obvious by now, I liked this. I'd definitely be interested in seeing what you could do with an extended version. Instead of a cheesy romance story, you managed to craft something with sharp edges and ambiguity. There was real nuance to this, and I had fun reading it. I can definitely visualize it as a short film.

Next up: your short story on Crane! I'm on a reviewing kick lately so I should get around to it very soon. :)






Thanks for the review, and I appreciate you giving it a read!

The particular dialogue you mentioned where Galib sounds too literary, I agree with you. I think I was just hoping the actor would pull it off with the delivery in a hypothetical film %u2014 maybe in a Jesse Eisenberg-y fashion, if that makes any sense. Also just realized that I kind of do overuse the parenthetical.

I kind of have a hard time saying (or comprehending) "good for you" in a positive sense. I can't 'unhear' this mean undertone. That's what I tried to imply in that dialogue, except Galib intended the undertone, but also in a hopeless way.

So, thanks again and glad you enjoyed the read! :D

By the way, you can call me Meheraz or MAS if you want! (My friends kind of call me 'Savings,' long story there). Or anything you'd prefer/be comfortable with really. I think I'd be cool with it.



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Sun Feb 23, 2020 8:53 pm
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Em16 wrote a review...



This was definitely very interesting. When I saw the words “blind date” I was expecting something cheesy, where the boy and girl magically fall in love after one glance. Or something terribly disastrous, probably involving a bank robbery and a mastermind criminal. This was neither of those, so props to you for coming up with something original.
I also really liked the character of Galib. I think you have something there, with his sly “mean-guy” attitude that so quickly melted when he saw Sabrina was really angry. However, I didn’t really get a sense of Sabrina’s character. I felt like she was just reacting to Galib’s energy, and he was the one that was guiding the interaction. If this were a fiction story, it would be from Galib’s perspective, I think. I’d like to see more assertiveness and action from Sabrina. Why did she go on the blind date? What was she expecting? Does Galib meet those expectations? Why did she react so defensively after Galib’s rudeness? Has she been hurt by a guy before?
In addition, while I thought the banter between Galib and Sabrina was funny, I also thought it moved a little fast. It wasn’t hard to follow, but sometimes it was a little hard to believe. They went from hating to loving each other so quickly. Their characters seemed to go through a 180 degree arc in the space of 7 pages, and I didn’t really understand what was pushing them to make such drastic changes. I would suggest toning it down a little. Keep the wittiness of the banter, but mellow out the extremes, and give them a little more time to change, so it isn’t so sudden.
Nice job on this script, though! I’d totally watch it if it was on TV.






Thanks for the review and I agree that the pacing could have been better.



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Thu Feb 13, 2020 11:17 pm
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PlainandSimple wrote a review...



Woah... this is pretty great. I love how it started off as kind of a bad blind date and lead to well something good I assume. The fact that they see love as something good, but also like in a joke sort of. It's quite great that there really isn't much context to the beginning and not much to end it off. It leaves the reader-- and maybe (?) the watcher since it's supposed to be some sort of script -- to really think what lead them to be there and what happened after they walked into the crowd. I enjoy the little bit of information you get about how they look, fabulous. Their sense of comedy is nice since most people these days find those things funny, as do I.

All of this stated above makes a very good script, and actually enjoyable to read. Most scripts don't make much sense since they don't add as much detail in between the lines of dialogue. You did the exact opposite of that. I'm sad that I will always wonder what happened to them, but I know that much be the point. I can't wait to see what else you write. I haven't looked at your profile yet to see if you've written more or any scripts-- but I will definitely be reading them. No. Words.

Astounding job.

_ from your friend,
@PlainandSimple _

:)






Thanks for the review, Plain!




“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables