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Love is blooming

by Raelyn


Love is too much like a rose

Alluring crimson plants by my toes

Be careful of the love you pick

No one warns you of the agony of the thorn's prick

Even when you know you should have fled

You ignored all the signs even when you bled

When we grasp to the stem too tight

Letting go is an impossible fight

When they have left you to fall apart

Love's thorns stay embed in your heart

One by one they are painfully removed

But some heart aches will never improve

And yet here I am as he hands me dozens of roses

Proof of love’s pain is always right under our noses 


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6 Reviews


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Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:31 am
AureliaValus wrote a review...



I love the story that's being told through this piece!! I think, that if you added more imagery though the use of descriptive words then this poem could be absolutely splendid! I would say add some descriptions after lines 4, 6, 13. You could even incorporate more descriptions into what you already have by adding words that show color, the surroundings, the feel, etc. I think you had a really nice start in the 2nd line. From that I can see that you mean red plants, but it's hard to picture a scene in my head without proper descriptions of the surroundings. With a little work, I think this will be amazing!




Raelyn says...


Thank you very much:)



AureliaValus says...


No problem!



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Tue Nov 05, 2019 11:44 pm
Honora says...



Oh wow Raelyn! This is amazing! The message behind it is truly relatable and that is amazing. All I can say is that I was stupid enough to:
You ignored all the signs even when you bled
Awesome! :D :D

I don’t know anything about poetry so I’m just going to leave it at that. ;)

Your friend,
Honora <3




Raelyn says...


Thanks Pal!!



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Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:55 am
Raelyn says...



Okay, I updated my poem with all your guy's super helpful edits! thank you:)




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Sun Oct 27, 2019 10:52 pm
alliyah wrote a review...



Ah I thought most of these rhymes were pretty good - I don't know about ending a love poem on the word "noses" though - it gives off a bit of a silly tone, while the rest of the poem was a bit more serious.

I think some of the themes seemed a bit disconnected like it wasn't a whole story altogether.

There was a typo in the first line - it should be "too" rather than "to".

I have to say that although the theme of love being like a rose has been done before, I thought you added a layer of creativity to it especially with the more personal lines and then the back-story of the heartache and love's pain. Based on the first line, I wasn't thinking the poem was going that direction, but it goes on an emotional turn by the end of the piece.

I also appreciated that although your rhyming was on the formal side, you kept the language imagery heavy and more casual sounding - that definitely kept the poem engaging for me as a reader, because the images made each line pop and gave the poem more character.

Looking forward to reading more of your work!

alliyah




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31 Reviews


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Fri Oct 18, 2019 12:27 am
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ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



Hello! I have come to review your poem today! So let me get started:

I really love how you portrayed the feelings of pain and the blissful ignorance of love in this poem, I really felt the emotions of the narrator and how they described the pain of love. I also really love the symbolism of the love being roses which can be beautiful and lovely to have like love its self but the thorns also representing how again, painful and agonizing it can be also when "grasping" for too long, like being ignorant to red flags in the relationship or how a bad breakup can make it hard to let go getting into the "love thorns" in the heart metaphor. I also like how the narrator acknowledged that she knew there was something bad coming anyway by the line "Even when you know you should have fled" but still stayed anyway and ultimately got hurt emotionally and mentally and maybe even psychically depending on what happened as shown by "You ignored all the sign even when you bled". I also like how the process of letting go is shown here as painful and taking time instead of how its show as empowering and great which isn't a problem, but I never have seen it done in a darker and more realistic way which I applaud you as it takes a different spin on those feelings. Overall I really loved how dark and painful yet lovely this poem was, I honestly love reading poems like this. I really enjoyed your writing style and how you wrote this poem. This was like reading an Edgar Allen Poe poem, and he is one of my favorites in the writing world



Now time for the negatives, I did notice a misspelling like "signs" was spelled "Sign", and that there wasn't a period at the end of each sentence? Also, the final ending sentence ruins the sort of flow and rhythm it had going, which isn't the biggest issue since its the end and isn't breaking the middle of the poem but it can throw you off a little, and if I read the poem correctly I could tell you were trying to go for a flow so maybe fix that? Other than that I really had no issues with it as again, it was well written, good emotional language, and overall a great poem!

I hope you enjoyed my review :) Keep writing!




Raelyn says...


I really like this review it was very thoughtful thank you!





No problem :)



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Thu Oct 17, 2019 4:10 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Hi there! This is only my second review after coming back from a break so excuse me if it is a little rusty :-)

Firstly, I will go line by line and find any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, or any lines I think could be rephrases better. Of course, the rephrasing is just my opinion :-)


Love is to much like rose
This should be "too" not "to"

Alluring crimsom plants by my toes
This should be "crimson"

No one warns the agony of the thorns’ prick
I think it would make more sense to say "No one warns you of the agony of the thorn's prick"

You ignored all the sign even when you bled
I assume this is a typo, but it should be "signs" not sign

Loves thorns stay embed in your heart
This should be "Love's thorns"

One by one they painfully are removed
This would sound better it you switched it to "one by one they are painfully removed"

And yet here I am as he hands me a dozens of roses
I think this would read better as ".... he hands me dozens of roses"

This is actually a very sweet poem, and though it does not flow as well as it could, it is a solid attempt and with practice I definitely think you could write very good poems. The rhymes worked and though I am not the biggest fan of the AABB structure it worked in this poem.
You had some very nice imagery, especially of the rose!

I hope you continue to write poems !




Raelyn says...


I appreciate you going line by line in your review. My goal is to become a better editor for my own pieces so this was very helpful.



4revgreen says...


No problem :-) My advice would be to proof read again and again, as proof reading is a really important skill :-)



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Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:22 am
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Not bad for a first poem. You've taken on a task that I don't see accomplished much in actually writing a rhyming poem. Some of your words are creative. However, the rhythm isn't the smoothest. Try reading it out loud to find out where the sticky places are. There are a few words that I think are typos, and therefore the meaning is a little confusing, but it wasn't too hard to figure out what it's probably supposed to say.

I tend to write this type of poetry, too, so I know that it isn't always super easy and sometimes it comes out sounding a little rough. But, hey, that's what we're all here to help each other with, right? Keep up the good work. :)




Raelyn says...


Thanks for the review and the follow.



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Wed Oct 16, 2019 10:14 pm
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Raelyn says...



This is my first poem I have written, outside of the ones I was forced to write for school😁




Liberty says...


*claps* It's wonderful!



alliyah says...


This is an excellent poem for a first piece especially! Keep on writing! :)



Raelyn says...


Thank you guys:)




Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
— Mark Twain