Young Writers Society

AHHHHHHHHH YOU WRITE BABY JULIA SO ADORABLY OMG <3 <3 <3

First the butterfly in the cabin, then the pinching of Anthea's nose and just. MY. HEART. Plus the reference to her interest in science?!??? I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. I love it so much! Ahhh!

You also did such a good job bringing so much emotion into this. This was clearly such a difficult decision for Anthea, and she was so heartbroken at the idea of raising Julia in such poor conditions. I felt like she was being hasty with this decision and perhaps there should be reason for why Anthea shouldn't just go live with her mother too. In these kinds of situation, and with this amount of love in the family, there's no reason why her mother wouldn't offer her home for her daughter and grandchild. (I think the novel mentions that Anthea wants to work on her own, but it would be good to see that decision made here!)

There was a spot in this segment where I got confuuused...

“Sounds good!” Mother exclaimed, smiling, her green eyes twinkling. I don’t know how I didn’t get her eyes. And Brad did. And Julia did. Stuff like this is confusing.

Perhaps she doesn't know genetics/science? This is Anthea's mother, I think, so I don't know how Brad would get her eyes. Unless they're siblings/half-siblings. I don't remember that being the case, though. (My memory can be foggy, so I just spew thoughts that may or may not be worth your time.) So Imma just say that Anthea is bad at genetics! And Julia got her love of science from someone else!

It's so cool that Mother was watching the investigation of the crime as well. She never explained how she knew it was Maryssa/Brittney that did it. It simply sounded like speculation, but I would like to think the police found evidence of some sort that pointed to Maryssa/Brittney. And if not, how did Mother come to that conclusion from across the pond? We all know how clever and witty Mother is, so it totally makes sense that she could pick up on clues others wouldn't (especially if Anthea is too busy trying to move on). It would be fun to get into her head and see how she thought through that! (Also, the idea that Mother knew about Brittney before Unlucky 13 happens?? IT'S KIND OF GOOSEBUMPY, LET ME TELL YOU.)

I think it would also be really cool for this story if we got a hint of hatred or jealousy in Brittney's voice during Anthea's visit. I think that would really help enforce the idea that it could actually have been Brittney who did it. This story isn't as much a mystery as it is a story, so we don't have to hide the fact that it's Brittney, but we can be discreet/sneaky about it! So some tense comment during their conversation or something to show that it really is a love/HATE relationship will help, I think.

I kind already alluded to this, but I love how you tie Julia's traits into these characters. You have a good understanding of genetics and family, and I love that you really paid attention to that here. Particularly, her love of science that works hand-in-hand with that science competition in Unlucky 13. I'm just really happy that you paid attention to these little character details!!

What a bittersweet story! It was really nice getting a closer look at what happened with Julia's mother and how it affected her. It was clearly a tough time, and any woman who had to go through all that in a few months would be having a hard time. In fact, I'd like to see even MORE concern from Mother because Anthea could potentially be depressed without any support near her. And not just typical motherly concern, but worried that Anthea would be alone and is pushing everyone away from her. Poor Anthea.

This DEFINITELY helped defend Anthea's position and provided a lot of good understanding for where she came from. You did well with this, and I feel like it helped you map out the timeline better as well! Great job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!