Young Writers Society

Hi lindzwrites,
 
Mailice here with a short review!
 
That was an interesting and exciting kind of romance you presented here, partly I think even with a mixture of longing that can be read through the lines. Let's start right away, what I noticed while reading: You have a very interesting way of describing things. At times it sounded very poetic and almost like a kind of prayer. Especially the introductory sentence is a little highlight to start the story right away. I loved the way you continued the story with the individual characters, who are all trapped in a loneliness.
 
The narrator's voice is partly like a documentary narrator. It remains neutral and yet you can hear something between the lines that something strange is going on. Somehow you actually manage to convey a certain loneliness, especially with the protagonist. I like the setting, if you can describe it that way. To describe Paris as the City of Light now was a diametrically opposed idea. I like that you want to express a little bit that one can be lonely even in a city of millions.
 
And yet you're not talking about this loneliness that gnaws at you, but rather that gives you the peace you need to recover. I think the restless wandering through the darkness helped to put a new perspective on the city / a home and how one should or can deal with it.
 
I just thought that while the story was generally very good, the sections needed to be inserted to make it more readable for the reader. At the moment it looks so big and you are literally caught off guard when everything is squashed together like that. Also, it didn't occur to me why you wrote boulangerie instead of bakery. To add a touch of French/Paris, wouldn't it make more sense if you added other words, like rue for street or something? I do think there is an aesthetic present, but limiting it to one word seemed a bit odd.
 
In summary, it was a great, philosophical and enlightening story.
 
Have fun writing!
 
Mailice

This is amazing! I could practically see the characters and the "mademoiselle" going about their daily lives right in front of me. The imagery and descriptive vocabulary used in this work are also wonderful. Personally, I can relate to the scholar scribbling his ideas before he forgets them, which is what I do all the time.^^ I can also sympathize with the lady's preference for solitude. Society tends to label quiet, solitary people as sociopaths or lunatics, like you said. But some people really just prefer being alone, and actually have time to themselves.

I loved this narrative. Please do write more.

Hello there, lindzwrites! Dreamy here to give a short review.

This is wonderfully written. I got really into it. It was interesting and made me very curious about this Mademoiselle. I wanted to know more about the city and about her.

There was this one thing that bothered me though, you say her eyes are dry from crying and yet she cries and she wipes them away. I thought it was not consistent narration there. And the below quoted sentence:

She slowly traces the outline of her nose in the glass, moving to her pronounced jaw, followed by her brow and mouth, and ponders everything frustrating about the City of Lights at 3 am.